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aLo 06-20-2008 11:05 AM

Is It Fair?
 
So, I have this really big group of asian friends, (although some of them aren't asian, but heck.. X3) and we go everywhere together. Each time we go there is at least 25-30+ of us; our whole group has half guys, half girls. We are really tight with each other and we basically love each other to death. What really pisses all the girls off now is that the lack of responsibility that the guys have in this group. They either never have money with them when we go out or never plan things properly. They usually talk the talk and never walk the talk. Us girls on the other hand, we pay for them if they don't have money. It really doesn't seem fair when we went out for like 4 hours yesterday and I spent $160 when it was not necessary because a few of the guys didn't have money and we subsidized for their amusement park ride passes, and dinner.

Now I understand that some of them have family problems, so they have a hard time paying for things, etc. But this is everyday, some of them are like living off us girl's money. I know they all work, we ALL work. Yet where in the world does their money go? Everytime they actually buy something, it is their parent's money, what about theirs?! I mean for one of the guy's birthday, 6 of us girls gave him a $110 gift card visa to use at this place called West Edmonton Mall. The guys said they would pay for the pizza at his house. In the end, when the pizza came, all the guys left leaving us girls to deal with it. We were like, uh, no we don't have money. The delivery guy was like now what. So my friend ends up Taking Money from his LITTLE sister to pay for the pizza.

First of all, I was like where is your own money, you shouldn't take money from an 9 year old. Secondly, where are all the guys that promised? It was so embarrassing. And we never heard from him whether he infact paid his sister back.

Worst part is, if we never help them pay for stuff, one of them didn't eat for two days because we didn't pay for him for two days! D: This is ridiculous, I know that we feel bad and we give in. We do not understand why he is like this and lastly, he works, where in the world does his money go.

Well this problem is only with like a few of them. The rest of the guys, when we have a party, they come to rape our food and leave a mess. D: It was fun, but they make sure they take everything lmao.

We love each other, just some financial problems that I think needs to be resolved. Us girls feel like we are like being their mothers.

Just like yesterday, there was 25 of us, 9 of us were girls, and the rest were the guys. They went to the amusement park, 5 of us girls ended up waiting at the dinner place over an hour because they said they wanted to go to Moxies, yet they didn't reserve... They can't fit all 25 of us, so we had to wait over an hour, they finally come after 40 minutes. By then we just gave up and said we will just have a table for 5. So when they got here, they were left to stand outside. I think that is a great way to payback for their rudeness. And the fact that 2 of them didn't have the money to go to the amusement park in the first place. Then the guys went to Boston Pizza by themselves without any remorse, and the 5 of us just left them.

One of my friends said that I should have returned the Diesel bag I bought for $126 for one of them's birthday next week and don't even bother giving him anything. All of them left when we were supposed to pitch in, and I ended up just buying the bag by myself. Now I'm rape poor. 8D

Does that seem fair at all?

Maybe we love each other, just not willing to spend some money, 8D.

WhatThePhuc 06-20-2008 11:34 AM

girls paying for guys?
i thought it was the other way around

Fuzzy 06-20-2008 11:37 AM

Tell them to Get a (better) job. theres no such thing as easy money folks~

Torikakae 06-20-2008 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatThePhuc (Post 10475)
girls paying for guys?
i thought it was the other way around

LOL, that's not how things work anymore, gramps XD

It's nice that you have friends, but if you continue to be like this, it's like implicitly stating that you support their lazy hobo attitude. They'll never learn to be independent if you keep bailing them out and stuff.

IMO, a quick solution is to say what you want straight to their faces, no holds barred. May cause some rifts in your friendship, but if they really truly value you at all as a friend and a person, they'll understand.

Khmer2k1d5 06-20-2008 11:43 AM

Hehe, Annie! I told you to mooch! Lol, I say you flip the guys over ecrytime they're broke >8D

Or you could come to PA with me and then we can go to CA for Step then we could go to Japan for Disney!!!! All paid for by the Candaian/Japanese/American governments ^^;;

WhatThePhuc 06-20-2008 11:44 AM

lol i'm an old person with white hair and a cane

yea some of my girl-friends pay for me when i go out
but i repay them in some way eventually

Quote:

Originally Posted by khmer2k1d5 (Post 10506)
Hehe, Annie! I told you to mooch! Lol, I say you flip the guys over ecrytime they're broke >8D

Or you could come to PA with me and then we can go to CA for Step then we could go to Japan for Disney!!!! All paid for by the Candaian/Japanese/American governments ^^;;

LOLDUDE thats way too expensive

Khmer2k1d5 06-20-2008 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatThePhuc (Post 10507)
lol i'm an old person with white hair and a cane

yea some of my girl-friends pay for me when i go out
but i repay them in some way eventually

What?! You suck! You have a job you dork D8<

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatThePhuc (Post 10510)
LOLDUDE thats way too expensive

We're not paying @_@;; The 3 Gov's are!

Leenalia 06-20-2008 01:20 PM

LOL. I've been in your situation before except not with 10+ people but rather with my best friends, needless to say I dumped all of them for using me to drive them everywhere and paying for them. So....talk to them about the situation and don't pay for them anymore. If they hate you for it, you'll realize that they were using you in the end, and they aren't your friends to begin with.

JC 06-20-2008 06:03 PM

Annie, that's crap. F those friends. They aren't friends, they are leeches. I already warned you about the crap on Trickster, don't fall into crap like that again. When it happens twice like that, in such short periods, don't trust people like that!

kuyaBaka 06-20-2008 06:21 PM

Just ditch those losers.
Nobody likes a leech. In-game or in real-life.

aLo 06-20-2008 07:57 PM

@ step and leng : Let's gooooo x3- When we become ballin though o: It'd be fun, or when I feel like spending so much money that I got so broke D:

@JC : Well, we have been friends, all of us for such a long time, I guess you can say it may be the girls fault for letting some of the guys fall into this norm. It used to be like oh this one time he didn't have money then we paid for him, but soon enough it just got more frequent. Today we went to one of them's party, we were living off ice cream until we had pizza that we all pitched in.. I think, we all threw in 10 or so dollars... I didn't know the price. I guess it's not that I should leave them completely, maybe us girls need to just ditch them once for them to realize what they have become D: like what Leenalia said. hobos D:!

JC 06-20-2008 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aLo (Post 11500)
@ step and leng : Let's gooooo x3- When we become ballin though o: It'd be fun, or when I feel like spending so much money that I got so broke D:

@JC : Well, we have been friends, all of us for such a long time, I guess you can say it may be the girls fault for letting some of the guys fall into this norm. It used to be like oh this one time he didn't have money then we paid for him, but soon enough it just got more frequent. Today we went to one of them's party, we were living off ice cream until we had pizza that we all pitched in.. I think, we all threw in 10 or so dollars... I didn't know the price. I guess it's not that I should leave them completely, maybe us girls need to just ditch them once for them to realize what they have become D: like what Leenalia said. hobos D:!

The problem with that is that you're expecting them to suddenly realize the problem of what they are doing. I don't know what you call a "long time" but last I checked you're still young >_>, so I don't know if these people really are "long time" friends. I'll leave that up to you, but its best you be frank with them instead of expecting them to figure it out. They may be dumb and wonder why you won't hang out with them.

aLo 06-20-2008 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JC (Post 11677)
The problem with that is that you're expecting them to suddenly realize the problem of what they are doing. I don't know what you call a "long time" but last I checked you're still young >_>, so I don't know if these people really are "long time" friends. I'll leave that up to you, but its best you be frank with them instead of expecting them to figure it out. They may be dumb and wonder why you won't hang out with them.

Well for now I will not be doing anything that has to do with money aroudn them,.

Lilica 06-20-2008 09:00 PM

Give them a taste of their own medicine.

My old friends did this,except I payed 95% of the money we all spend.I eventually just stopped bringing money and started dumping it into a savings account.They said I was dirt broke and we're not going anywhere anymore.I still thank god today that they never found out about my savings account or I'd be flat broke today.After we stopped being friends I told them about my savings account and they got pissed.Then I gave it to my sister to buy a laptop and a ticket to go to thailand.I had 2300 dollars saved up.

As for you I can say,discuss with the girls about doing this to them.Then actually do it,judging on what they do you can determine if they're real friends or money leechers.

Cornflake 06-20-2008 10:44 PM

I've been mooched off of plenty of times by people I like, but I've also done my share of mooching, so I can't really condemn them for it.
The easiest way out, and what I've done in the past, is to lie. Just tell them you also have no monies. A more stressful (but in the end better) way to solve the problem is to just explain that you're not their wallet and if they want to keep hanging out with you they'll have to pay their own way. I'm sure that in a group that size you'll find at least a few who are willing to change their habits and spend money on some pretty girls.:D

Catharsis 06-20-2008 10:49 PM

My friends and I make a lot of effort to make sure that we don't financially impose on each other. Sure, every now and then, a few of us will need a loan, but only in dire circumstances. We all have our pride, and we respect each other too much to take advantage of each other. (We are, however, shameless in raiding each other's refrigerators lol.)

I think you girls need to talk to the guys. It seems they've gotten so used to it that they'll continue to mooch off you for a long, long time.

Leenalia 06-20-2008 11:51 PM

Seriously, they are hobos and moochers. I felt abit guilty that my friends never had money (they were poor and very low middle class) so sometimes I'd pay for them. But (I dunno how it is for Americans) when they invited me somewhere to a movie or something, I expected them to pay for me or for them to tell me that they won't pay for me. In the end, they invited me to a restaurant or movie and I paid for ALL of them because they didn't have money. I was like wtf?! Don't invite me if you don't have money! Anyways, even on my birthdays....I paid for everything...if I wanted to go out with pals to the movies/lunch I had to pay for them, they didn't once think to spoil me abit and pitch in to pay for me. We've had arguements before about money, their excuse was that I was richer than they are...well that was the case until 2 years ago when I became poorer than them. Now I'm slowly regaining money but seriously, they never once paid for me or spoiled me...always expected me to be there for them financially and if I spent $80 on one friend..the other friend gets jealous and wants me to get something that's $130...and then another friend will get jealous and if I get something cheaper like $40 they throw a hissy fit. Ugh, I broke up my 6 year friendship with them and rarely talk to them anymore. Funny thing is, now I'm not in their lives that much and they still consider me as their best friend even if I call them 1-2 times a year. Meh..... I guess the three musketeers live forever.

Lilica 06-21-2008 08:29 AM

maybe you can tell them,if you don't bring x amount of money,we're not going anywhere.

aLo 06-21-2008 12:28 PM

Yeah so I talked with half of the girls, and we decided to not as much money next few times we go, so we only have enough for ourselves. But from what we have planned, we are all going to the waterpark next week, and soem of us girls already told the few that we aren't paying that much to go.. so now the guys are trying to find free tickets some where >_> rofl.... ahh lawl

Kohane 06-21-2008 12:37 PM

One thing I learned from life is that, if you always give your hand to the others, some can (even when they did not notice it) get your entire arm instead.

It's like, ah I dont have money but the girls always pay for me. If you guys are all close to each other this way, then a good conversation about this, that their attitude is bad for you can be a good way for ending this "trouble". That's just my opinion trought x3

Sorry if any mispelling or broken english ;-;


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