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Yumidesu 04-22-2013 12:42 AM

I hate this woman.
Okay, I don't really hate her, I'm just incredibly frustrated.

This is a pretty personal rant, so I have to give some backstory first.

Basically, my bf has this best friend. Let's call her Shirley, as I'd rather not name drop, lol. Anyways, I have a history with my bf. We've had bumps. I've hurt him, he's hurt me. Yadda yadda. We've been back for the third time for nearly a month, from the time I'm writing this. Yes, don't get back with your ex's, blah blah. I know all that. Anyways, Shirley is this really overprotective sort of person. She wants to protect my bf from everything she can, and I admire and respect her very highly for that. However, she hates my guts. Why? Because she believes I'm a manipulative lying *****.

To expand on that, she thinks so because she's encountered my sort of behavior before. When I've messed up, I've made excuses (which are seen as lies by her) to try and lessen the blow and make things not bad, or try to be right. She's seen this sort of behavior with a friend she had once, Sarah. She did bad things and went "oh i didnt mean to do that" or "i didnt know that was wrong". But, she meant to do those things and was an evil person, genuinely. That's the difference between me and her. I'm NOT a bad person, I've just ****ed up.

I talked to Shirley tonight and manned up to everything I did. I told her what a giant screw up I am, that I ****ed up and I made mistakes, and I won't hide behind my reasons or excuses. I'll suck it up. NONE of that mattered. She still firmly believed that I was trying to manipulate her.

I gave her my reasons for doing what I did. I told her I crack under pressure. She said, and quoting here "thats using an excuse, so youre not done with making excuses apparently". Even though that's wrong. Most people have reasons for their actions. I have mine, but I won't justify my actions with reasons, nor will I hide behind them. I'll admit that I did something bad and that I deserve the full amount of punishment for my mistakes, but none of that mattered to her.

It really hurts me that I cannot get through to her. I've always admired and respected her, and thought she was a cool person. Always wanted to be her friend, but she won't let me. I guess the main issue is that I never made it to the point of friendship with her, so she cannot forgive me for what I did. The only thing left to do is be with my bf and over the course of weeks and months, my actions will prove my honesty and loyalty to him, and hopefully those will convince her otherwise.

Even still, ugh. I'm just to frustrated. I wish she wasn't so ****ing thickheaded. This sort of shit pisses me off. But I can't do anything about it, so **** her.

LauraMix 04-22-2013 04:12 AM


Yes, don't get back with your ex's, blah blah.
In my opinion, this isn't really that bad depends on the situation. Unless the ex will give you an idiotic reason for the break up and pushing you away from their life's <_<.

All I can give you at the moment (Since it's morning and my head is derpy at this time) is take baby steps towards. Try having a normal conversation with her or like you said, Do something nice for your boyfriend to be in good terms with her.

Jessica 04-22-2013 04:30 AM

I hate people who are like that.

But honestly, does it matter what she thinks about you? It's yours and his relationship. Not hers. Let people think what they want. You want to be her friend, if she's acting like this toward you, she's not worth your friendship.

That's how I see it, anyway.

Yumidesu 04-22-2013 04:53 AM

@LauraMix ~ I can't have a normal conversation with this woman anymore. She hates me too much for that to happen. As far as doing nice stuff for him, I do nice things for him all the time, it doesn't help the case. No matter what I do, she'll think I'm trying to manipulate him.

@Settie ~ I really do not care what she thinks of me. I only wanted to do this to make things easier on my boyfriend, but that's not an option. The only thing that matters is his happiness and what he thinks of me. And, as it stands, he's very happy and he thinks very well of me.

The entire reason I was doing this is so that we could get back to being super sweet faster. He told me we -could- fix this ourselves, but it'd take a while. It was just a faster route with more... anger, hatred, and hostility involved, pretty much from Shirley.

I think things will work out, though. I made sure, before talking to Shirley, that my boyfriend knows that I tried very hard and did everything I could, along with reassuring him that I wouldn't lie to her or use excuses, or sugarcoat anything. So I think I'll be fine. I'll just accept that Shirley will never like me. So be it.

Krem 04-22-2013 06:13 AM

I don't see why you'd still bother with her, if she's acting like a female dog on her period you should just ignore her. You don't have to be friends with all of your boyfriends friends.

It's her vendetta against you, ignore her and there won't be any way for her to affect you.

Bolter 04-22-2013 07:49 AM

as I much as I would of course also dislike naggy people, but man... how I wish we could do something to shut them up for real, but I think just ignore and smile away anyway.

Esperetta 04-22-2013 07:56 AM

It's a lot easier to judge someone than to be understanding or compassionate.

It's interesting to hear Shirley's backstory with this Sarah person.

Just a guess/theory, maybe Shirley's projecting? She's trying to do for your bf what she wished someone had done for her i.e. Protected her from Sarah. If this is true, it is kinda admirable, really. She's coming from a good place.

But your bf's a grown-ass man (I'm assuming) an adult, and she's not his mother. He can make his own decisions, and he has. So Shirley should respect that and make nice or at least be civil for his sake, especially if y'all hang out together. If she really cares for your bf's well-being and happiness than she'd do it, because this is what he wants. If she can't do that, she should gtfo.

Anways, goodluck and I hope you get heaps of brownie points with the Bf for trying. haha :P

Valese 04-22-2013 06:42 PM

It sounds to me like she's jealous and bitter about his love for you, because he never had or will have the same feelings for her in the same way he has for you.

You're a really sweet person for trying to be her friend for so long.. haha.

Yumidesu 04-22-2013 10:29 PM

The below is a small convo we had on Skype today.


And this is the post:

*Sigh* Really? I know I have my issues, and I admittedly do need counseling, but seriously, *****? I didn't lie to her at all last night when trying to get through to her, I was 100% honest. But whatever. I'm done with this woman.

@Riolu ~ It's me being too nice and trying to make my bf happy, since he wanted me and Shirley to be friends.

@Esperetta ~ I know she's coming from a good place. I don't blame her for wanting to protect my bf. It's why I admire her and respect her. Because she's been there to protect him this entire time. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, and anyone who would go to those lengths for protection and the like is VERY high in my book. Until tonight, I don't think that she was trying to be nice or civil and get along with both of us, which I still doubt that she's doing to try, but... yeah. She should. You are so right on that.

Thanks, and I hope I do too, lol. =p

@Valese ~ Well, I don't think it's that because she's got a husband she had as a boyfriend for years prior to the marriage, but still could be in the back of her mind and she never told my bf about it. And thanks. <3 Yeah, I try.

Shanni 04-22-2013 11:02 PM

If you post a screenshot from facebook, please censor all names involved.


Yumidesu 04-22-2013 11:23 PM

Oops, sorry Shanni. I totally forgot. D:

Esperetta 04-23-2013 12:34 AM

Who made that facebook post? Your Bf or another friend?

If Shirley continues being nasty by constantly bringing up the past and such. Then you need to stop engaging with her in RL (and on the internet) unless absolutely necessary. You've done your bit. Now it's up to her to let go of the past and come to the table. Until then stop trying, even if your bf really really wants you to. Because you're only going to hurt yourself more in the process.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. So if she sees your consistent efforts/changes, small or big, then she might change her tune. Then it'll be up to you if you want to be the bigger person or not and still extend that hand of friendship. haha

Good luck~:no1:

Yumidesu 04-23-2013 02:30 AM

Bf made it. And yeah, I'll just use my actions. :P I'm done with her.

Jessica 04-23-2013 03:53 AM

What is her problem... She pisses me off and I don't even know her.

Yumidesu 04-23-2013 11:06 AM

Jealousy and innate rage. She's a natural born she-*****.

Kenzor 04-23-2013 01:02 PM

Wait wait wait, your BF made that FB post? What exactly did you do? (no I'm not actually asking for you to say what you did, I'm just saying it in a way such that what you did must've been a really really really serious thing).

Have you tried being straight out with your BFs friend? Telling her that you want to make things right etc.? Though TBH, you shouldn't bother about her too much. If your relationship with your BF is fine then why does this third wheel even matter?

Yumidesu 04-23-2013 01:06 PM

I tried to repair things with Shirley last night, and she called me out on "lying" (I didn't), and my bf got pissed over it, pretty much.

My bf "broke up" with me a couple of hours ago. By that, I mean he blocked me on Skype, removed me from Facebook, and blocked my number from his phone. Maturity level is high with this one.

LauraMix 04-23-2013 01:23 PM

If your boyfriend is acting like that, It's better not to waste any more time on him.

Yumidesu 04-23-2013 01:41 PM

I'm done with him, lol. He wasn't worth it to begin with, so meh. Dunno why I tried.

Valese 04-23-2013 03:27 PM

So basically this Shirley person managed to break you and your bf up??

She's so childish, obsessive, and jealous. That's all I'm getting out of this. And your ex isn't worth any of the trouble you went through if he can't grow a pair and tell Shirley to back off of his relationships with other people. She has no right to act like she's his gf or mom or anything special enough to stick her nose in his business.

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