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05-19-2011   #101 (permalink)
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IGN: Nondi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xXPwnageXx
>Enter the door

holy tl;dr
You open the door revealing a dark hallway. You can't see what's at the end of it, but you persist anyway. The stench becomes absolutely unbearable. You have to hold you breath to keep from vomiting. You hear the door shut and lock behind you and become completely enveloped in darkness. "Is anyone there?" you call out. "I-I'm a dark wizard. I'll eat your soul, or something. So, don't try to mess with me."

"Don't make me laugh, Lala. You're about as threatening as a fly." says a menacing voice. "Actually, make that fly without wings. You know, just to really drive in the fact that I'm not threatened by you, and stuff."

The lights in the room turn on and you're exposed to a gruesome sight. Human bodies are piled up everywhere and strung from the ceiling like meat products. "Th-this... this is a really bad way to store dead bodies. There isn't even a cooling system in the room. They're all rotting. No wonder this place stinks."

"I don't need your input on storing bodies, Lala."

You turn around to see the source of the voice behind you. It's a gigantic spider. "Holy shit, a giant spider!"

"I'm not just giant spider! I'm a Spider Woman! Don't you see? Only the bottom half of me is spider. The rest is totally sexy woman."

"Whatever, what have you done with Celina's brother! You better not have eaten him!"

"I'm Celina."

"No you aren't. You're a giant spider! Now, where is Celina's brother!?"

"My brother and the kidnapper were just puppets I made from my web, along with the Celina you know. Watch, I can make them again." The Spider Woman moves her hands what seems to be light speed and quickly weaves three life-size replicas of the kidnapper, Celina, and her brother. "Also, watch this."

The kidnapper doll points its finger at you and shoots out a wad out web at you. You quickly jump out of the way. The web flies straight through a body at the other end of the room and gets lodged in the wall.

"See, I can shoot my web like a gun. Just like Spiderman!"

"Spiderman doesn't use his webs to shoot people with!"

"Oh, Spiderman is pretty lame then."

"Why did you make me go through all of this, Celina!?"

"Because I totally, like, want to kill you. You know, like this."

Celina spits a wad of web at you again, but this time you have no time to react. The web goes straight into your shoulder and knocks you to the ground. You try to get up and run away but Celina pins you down with one of her legs.

"Lala, you don't know how long it has been since I've eaten a fresh human. I'm going to enjoy this so much."

Celina's jaw splits in two revealing a rows upon rows of jagged teeth and tongues whipping about as if they were snakes. This is it, it's all over. There's no way I'm gonna survive this one! Dammit, all I wanted to do was have a nice date!

"You know, killing you without giving you my sad life story seems sort of, how do I say this, empty. My story stars at least a hundred centuries ago. I used to be a normal, but beautiful, very beautiful, farm girl. I was so goddamned beautiful. I wanted nothing other than to find a man who was good enough to marry a girl who was as elegant and beautiful and smart and beautiful as me. One day, I was out shearing sheep, looking as beautiful as ever, when a charming young man arrived on a glorious horse. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen, at least at the point in my life. Times were different then, so people weren't as beautiful. I mean, I was obviously very, very beautiful, but everyone else had the plague and syphilis, and what not so they weren't that good looking. But, this guy was pretty average for today's standards. He was no Alex, but he was just okay. Anyway, my young naive, but beautiful mind was instantly taken in by him. Did I mention I was beautiful..."

Celina is rambling on about nothing. You have enough time to cast a spell that could turn things over for you.

WHAT SPELL DO YOU CAST:
>Spite Ball
>Ice Bolt
>Fire Ball

ITEMS: Wallet, Wizard Hat
AFFECTION POINTS: ||--------
 
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05-19-2011   #102 (permalink)
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Put on wizard hat cast fireball
 
05-19-2011   #103 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xXPwnageXx
Put on wizard hat cast fireball
You put on your wizard and feel the magical energy in and around you concentrating and becoming stronger. But, something's different, you feel magical energy from another alien place flow into you. It's a thousand times more than you've ever had in your life and it's not stopping there. You feel like your mind is going to bust. Soon you feel as though your soul has just been pulled into another dimension and you're being throttled through years and years thoughts and progress.

You see creatures of all shapes and sizes evolving, living life, and eventually destroying themselves in ways you never though imaginable. You see the infinite many lives you could have lived. One in which you died of a seizure, and even one in which you were a cat girl. Within second you learn the story of everything that has ever been and ever will be. And within second you forget it all and find yourself on a golden bridge, that is just floating in the abyss. You walk to the end of it and reach a crystal castle held up by endless flying buttresses. The castle's doors open and silently beckon for you to enter.

At the center of the castle sits, or rather floats, a great sage with a beard so great that it envelopes his entire body. You immediately know who it is and fall to your feet. "Great Master! Lord of Time, Space and the Universe! I-Is it really you!?"

"Yes, young one. 'Tis I, Alan Moore, King of all Wizards."

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm not worthy, Great Master! I've turned to the dark side! You probably want to banish me to another dimension. I understand, I'm a terrible person."

Alan Moore slaps you across the face with his mighty beard.

"Young one, you have much knowledge. But, no wisdom. And wisdom without knowledge is like a grilled cheese sandwich with no tomato soup."

"Great master, I-"

Alan Moore gives you another hefty slap with his beard.

"You have an important role to play in the development of your planet, young one."

"I'm important! Awesome, am I going to do something good for the world!?"

"Yes, young one. You will bring in an era of pain and suffering that will never be topped."

"I don't see how that's go-"

Alan Moore's beard gives you a slap on the forehead.

"The pain and suffering you will cause terrible. And people will hate you for it forever. But, it will eventually usher in an endless golden age that will be the direct result of your actions. You won't get credit for it, and be vilified for the rest of eternity, of course. But you can go on living knowing that you did some good."

"That's actually pretty lame."

"But, before any of this can happen, you need the one thing no wizard is complete without."

"You mean a-"

"Yes, a wizard robe."

A glowing light envelopes your body. A great force is released upon you, and you suddenly find that you're wearing a glorious white wizard robe! "Holy shit, this awesome!"

"'Tis awesome indeed, young one. Now go, young one, and wreak havoc on humanity like no one has ever seen!"

There's a sudden flash and you find yourself back in the room with Celina. Only now your wound has healed and you have on a snazzy new wizard robe. "Anyway, that's why I'm a beautiful spider woman instead of totally beautiful normal woman. Wait, when the hell did you put on that robe? You weren't even listening to me, you jerk! Oh, I'm going to enjoy eating you."

Celina splits her mouth and tries to take a bite out of you but you quickly cast a fire ball without even thinking. "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD! I'M ON FIRE! LALA, PLEASE PUT ME OUT I'M SORRY! I WON'T TRY TO EAT YOU AGAIN! YOU CAN EVEN DATE, ALEX! I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HIM THAT MUCH, I WAS JUST GOING TO EAT HIM TO! PLEASE, PUT THE FIRE OUT TO DIE!"

WHAT DO:
>Let her burn
>Help her out

ITEMS: Wallet, Wizard Hat, Wizard Robe
AFFECTION POINTS: ||--------
 
05-19-2011   #104 (permalink)
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Let her burrn
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05-19-2011   #105 (permalink)
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IGN: Nondi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zuro
Let her burrn
"Okay, Celina. I'll put you out, just hold on. Oh wait, on second thought, you can just burn because YOU'RE A DATE RUINING FAT ***** WHO RUINED MY ENTIRE DATE!"

"Please, Lala! I'm sorry it won't happen again!"

"WHATEVER, FAT *****! I DON'T CARE! YOU'RE FAT AND YOU'RE A ***** AND YOU'RE A SLUT! SO YOU CAN JUST BURN AND RUIN SOMEONE ELSE'S DATE IN HELL!"

"LALA, PLEASE, I HAVE A FAMILY!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

You cast another fireball just to make sure Celina shuts up for good and it envelopes the entire room. You run out of the warehouse before you get caught in the fire. Alex is lying on the ground with a pile of web on top of him. He barely looks like he's making it through. "Lala," Alex says weakly, "Celina turned into the string, and the warehouse is on fire, and you don't have her brother. Also, I'm dying."

"Oh that's because Celina was actually a giant spider, and she had magic powers or some shit. I'm sorry, I didn't really pay attention to what she said, haha."

"Okay, I don't care. Please get me to a hospital. I feel... soooo... light. So... dead."

"Well, I guess I could cast a healing spell on you right now and make you all better."

"Please do."

"I will, but you have to agree to some conditions. You have to be my full time boyfriend and hang out with me every night!"

"Alright, whatever, I'll go out with you."

"YAY!"

You give Alex the hardest hug that you've ever gave anyone. You can't feel any better. Your date was an absolute success. It wasn't as peaceful as you expected and you had to kill more giant spiders than you wanted to, but at least the main goal has been accomplished. Maybe you and Alex's relationship won't last that long, but at least for a short moment you feel as though your life is absolutely perfect.

SIMULATION OVER.

Your MSDS2011 Rank is: Currently in a relationship
 
05-19-2011   #106 (permalink)
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MICROSOFT DATING TIPS:
Golf is not a fun sport. It may be fun to play, but it certainly is not fun to watch. This has been scientifically proven in labs. Never invite your date to watch a gold match. Chances are they'll just walk out on you. Some other sporting events you may want to skip out on are NASCAR (they just make left turns), Skiing (they look really stupid), and sprinting (even I can run, it's not that hard). Some key sporting events for dates are Air Hockey, Foosball, and Dance Dance Revolution. Also, remember to try not to have your date get eaten by any type of giant arachnid.
 
05-19-2011   #107 (permalink)
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insert cheat code: 18in
 
05-19-2011   #108 (permalink)
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insert cheat code: 18in
Microsoft no longer allows hidden stuff in their programs.
 
05-19-2011   #109 (permalink)
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Awww, why not?
It'll be just like ski free.
 

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