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12-14-2012   #41 (permalink)
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cook the goblin and try to get the nekomata to come eat it with you.
 
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12-15-2012   #42 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
cook the goblin and try to get the nekomata to come eat it with you.
The Nekomata are probably avoiding you because they feel that they are not worthy of your grace. If you were to give them some sort of gift for their efforts perhaps they would start seeing you as an equal. Most deities never physically repay their followers. A physical gift will put you on mortal levels with them. They may even start trying to communicate with you. You know nothing about what Nekomata like. Your brief study on them in guard school taught you that they were mostly tribal people. Offerings of food would be your best bet.

Nekomata are mostly carnivorous. You do not want to hunt for food as it would take to long, and the Nekomata, who you know are watching, would probably just aid you in their quest and give you yet another gift, which ultimately solves nothing. Now, you yourself are not a big fan of "regifting". In pure-blooded Elven culture regifting is a common and expected occurrence. You and Alnon swapped the same gift for four centuries straight once. It was cutting board for cooking. Neither you nor Alon knew how to cook anything, yet constantly gave each other the same cooking utensil on your respective spawndays. Eventually, you threw away the cutting board in order to force yourself to get Alnon something new for his spawnday, but you Alnon ended up digging it out the trash and giving it to you as a "casual" gift.

Looking back on it, regifting was a really asinine ritual. Thankfully, food cannot be regifted after consumed. Well, you guess it can, but it would be disgusting. The goblin corpse is only somewhat rotted. You can tell that the Nekomata had roasted it before offering it to you, but roasting it again should deal with the rotting parts. You pick up the goblin corpse. It is actually cute. You feel bad for the poor fuzzy thing. Its last moments had to be terri-

...One of its eyes just opened.

One of the dead goblin's eyes just opened! You throw its corpse out into the bushes. It looks like you have a zombie goblin on your hand.

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-15-2012   #43 (permalink)
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SOLUS FUNTIME THEATER

Elves:
Elves are possibly the oldest mortal creatures around. They are known for their ridiculously good looks, ridiculously long lives, and their seemingly biological prudishness. Elves don't typically start aging until they're around seven-thousand years old, and even then it takes a long time. Elves make good wizards as they are born with absurdly large magic circuits and a close connection with all things natural. As most of you know, this makes them coveted for their WiFi abilities.

Most Elves live in the city of Elfheim, which is very old fashioned in its ways. It is speculated that no single Elf in Elfheim knows that Elfheim is also the world's largest WiFi hotspot. This is due to the High Wizard's totalitarian reign over the Elven people. People from all over Solus gather around Elfheim to take advantage of its miraculous WiFi and high speed aethernet connection. Elfheim is also home to some of the largest filehosts, and aethernet providers in Solus. If anything were to happen to Elfheim, the aethernet as a whole would be compromised.

Elves can broken down into three distinct races:
1. The "Pure Blooded" Elves which claim to have existed since Solus was created. They make up the majority of the Elven species, yet they are very rarely seen outside of their home massive home city of Elfheim.

2. The Wood Elves which probably have more in common with trees than pure blooded elves. Wood Elves are know for being partially wooden and being really laid back in comparison to "Pure Blooded" Elves. They have no homeland, are usually hermits, and are shunned by Dark Elves and "Pure Blooded" Elves alike. They are extremely rare, yet they are the longest lived of all the Elves.

3. Dark Elves which splintered away from "Pure Blooded" Elves after disputes with the High Wizards over WiFi costs. Yes, it's true, Dark Elves are largely differentiated from "Pure Blooded" Elves by their beliefs about WiFi. While "Pure Blooded" Elves provide free WiFi in Elfheim, but offer external aethernet services and filehosting for free, Dark Elves both charge for WiFi and aethernet and filehosting services. This is not a "petty difference", and this not make Elves a "species full of elitist jackasses who are obsessed with the aethernet". We don't make those kind of SPECIST comments here. Anyway, Dark Elves live in Woldtswold, which is kinda like their Elfheim but ruled by a singular queen and painted black. There is a lot more to it than that, but you can read about that in the Woldtswold section of the manual.
 
12-15-2012   #44 (permalink)
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SOLUS FUNTIME THEATER
CLASS EDITION

Scientists:
Science is the least respected form of magic, and that's if you consider it magic at all. Most scientists also consider themselves philosophers, some even doctors. The basis of science is irrational. Science supposes that the entire universe can be studied, that all things in the universe consist of base particles that aren't magic, and that there's a "scientific explanation" for everything. So far, no scientist has been able to describe what "scientific explanations" are.

Science runs mostly on limited fuel sources. Scientists are obsessed with finite things are, despite sometimes referring to the even more fringe form of magic called "maths" which has a completely infinite fuel source called "numbers". Numbers are actually used on a daily basis by most people in the world, but you may have never known what they were actually called until now.

Scientists love automatons almost as much as they love explosions. Automatons are autonomous much like golems but they're made of metals. They run on limited fuel sources and cannot think on their own. The Imperial Imperious Army has actually enlisted a force that consists entirely of automatons, so there is at least one group of people in the world that are willing to employ scientists, even though they could just hire a wizard and get their money's worth and then some.

It may seem as though we are being hard on scientists, and the truth is that we are. Science has no actual basis in reality. Scientists spend their time testing things, and they are so obsessed with logic that they never get anything done. In the time it takes for a scientist to make one automaton, an amateur wizard could make ninety functioning golems. Science spreads belief in such absurd concepts as metallic horses that somehow travel faster than normal horses, and metallic phoenixes that can fly into space - because there's totally air up there - and don't commit suicide each year by exploding. It's absolutely ridiculous. If you enjoy science, we guess it's okay, but just realize your wasting your time and possibly other people's on something that is pure fantasy.
 
12-15-2012   #45 (permalink)
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go pick up the goblin and smash its head to make sure it's absolutely dead, then proceed to cook it and try to use some of it to lure out the nekomata as you planed to do before.
 
12-18-2012   #46 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
go pick up the goblin and smash its head to make sure it's absolutely dead, then proceed to cook it and try to use some of it to lure out the nekomata as you planed to do before.
After a short time spent searching, you find the goblin's corpse. You prepare yourself to crush the wretched thing's head. You hesitate for a moment, contemplating the disgusting mess your act will leave behind. All Elves have a predisposition to protecting nature and its creatures, though it has waned among Pure Blooded elves as generations pass. But, even among Pure Blooded Elves, your disconnection from all things natural was, well, unnatural. Nature's own constructs never interested you. You were always much more interested in what you could create. Even so, things like smashing this goblin's head makes you uncomfortable. Especially considering that you are making a meal for a group of bloodthirsty, albeit helpful, carnivores. While not a violation of the moral code you have developed over the years, smashing a goblin's head - even if it is undead - goes against your natural taste.

Primal disgust flows through your body as you raise the goblin's body to the air. You close your eyes and grit your teeth as you repeatedly smash the goblin's head off of a rock. You can not help but scream while committing the act. This is possibly the most gruesome crime you have ever committed with your own two hands and you are responsible for blowing up your own home city. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" You scream as you brutally smash the goblin's head off of the edge of the rock. Each impact with the rock gives off the disgusting sound of bones and flesh dislocated. You can feel the warm goblin brain juices covering your hands, and specks of it hit your cheeks. Some of it even flies into your mouth as you scream. It tastes weird.

"Stop it!" Says the voice of your better judgement. There were so many ways you could have lured out those Nekomata, but instead you are doing this. What if Nekomata do not even understand the concept of regifting? They will just think you are stupid. "Dude, quit it!" Your better judgement yells at you again. Why are you still doing this gross thing? The goblin's head probably gore putty by now, but you have just cracked and you can not stop crushing the poor thing's head. What is wrong with you?

"YOU ARE SWINGING ME AROUND IN THE AIR LIKE AN IDIOT, YOU JACKASS! STOP IT!"

"Huh," you say. You open your eyes. There is no rock, no gore, and the goblin is intact in your hands struggling to get free. "LET GO OF ME, YOU STUPID POINTY EARED PIECE OF SHIT! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL ****ING KILL YOU!" It yells... in Elvish. It is speaking Elvish. The goblin takes bite of your hand. You yell and let it go. It runs away and scurries up a tree, looking down at you with an expression that looks like a mix of fear and anger.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME! I'VE KILLED LIKE TEN PEOPLE, ****FACE! I SWEAR I WILL MURDER YOU! A-AND WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!?"

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-18-2012   #47 (permalink)
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ask how it's even still alive. it surely seemed dead and rotting when you received it.
 
12-20-2012   #48 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
ask how it's even still alive. it surely seemed dead and rotting when you received it.
"GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES, YOU PERVERT!" The goblin yells in a frenzy of anger.

"Wait, I-"

"WHY WOULD YOU STEAL MY CLOTHES!? YOU'RE TO FAT FOR THEM ANYWAY!"

"I think there's been a misunderstanding."

"WHAT!?"

"I didn't steal your clothes."

"THEN WHY THE **** WERE YOU SHAKING ME AROUND LIKE A NEWBORN!?"

"...Shaking newborns? Uhh, I have a perfectly good reason for that."

"FOR STEALING MY CLOTHES OR SHAKING NEWBORNS!?"

"I did not steal your clothes, and I can assure you that I have never shook a newborn."

"BUT YOU WERE SHAKING ME!"

"Yes, I was."

"THEN YOU'RE ADMITTING THAT YOU STOLE MY ****ING CLOTHES!"

"No, I am not."

"THEN WHY WERE YOU SHAKING ME!?"

"Shaking people and stealing their clothes are actions with no correlation at all. I will admit that I was shaking you - it would be moronic for me to deny it at this point - but I've never stolen clothes, nor do I have any reason to steal your clothes. When I found you, you were in fact already without clothes."

"W-when you found me? What are you talking about? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?"

"I didn't do anything to you."

"YOU SHOOK ME!"

"Yes, I shook you."

"WHY WERE YOU SHAKING ME."

"Can I explain?"

"NO, YOU CAN'T EXPLAI... actually... go ahead and explain."

"You were dead. You were partially cooked as a gift to me from some Nekomata. I haven't yet met these Nekomata, so I was planning on regifting you to them to draw them out. However, there was a proble-"

"WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM!?"

"I was about to explain that. Could you not interrup-"

"I HAVE NO TIME FOR LONG WINDED EXPLANATIONS, JACKASS! GET TO THE POINT!"

"You were dead, but you showed signs of life. I was going to smash your head in order to make sure you certainly and absolutely dead for good, bu-"

"HOLY SHIT, YOU TALK FOREVER, GET TO THE GODDAMN POINT!"

"I was going to kill you, you brainless goblin. If you haven't realized yet, you're undead. You're a literal abomination. If it wasn't for my natural generosity - and somewhat hyperactive imagination - your brain matter (or lack thereof) would be splattered over one of the many jagged rocks that inhabit this wide heavily forested ravine."

"OH MY GODS, DID YOU UNDEAD ME!? WHY WOULD YOU UNDEAD ME!?"

"I did not undead you."

"THEN WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UNDEADING ME."

"I haven't the slightest clue." This is a lie. It is very clear to you that the Nekomata who killed the stupid goblin are most likely the culprits behind his undeading too. You do not know what they would gain from undeading some goblin and giving it to you, and you really do not want to discuss the possible reason with this rather dense goblin.

"THIS IS ****ING TERRIBLE! I DON'T WANT TO BE UNDEAD! NOBODY WILL LOVE ME IF I'M UNDEAD! WHY GODS, WHY? AU-AU-AUUUUUUUUUUGH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Goddammit, now the stupid thing is crying and it is as annoying as it is pitiful. You would comfort it if you did not also have a strong urge to kill it. You still have some questions for it though, like why it knows fluent grammatically correct Elvish.

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-20-2012   #49 (permalink)
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ask it how it can fluently speak elvish
 
12-20-2012   #50 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
ask it how it can fluently speak elvish
Elves are sensitive creatures by nature, thus they also excel at "reading the mood". The hysterical crying goblin in a tree would probably be a much more engaging conversational partner if you threw it some comforting words at it, but screw that. "Excuse me," you say, "would it be rude if I were to inquire about your language." The question itself is insensitive. It comes out of the blue, does not reference the goblin's unfortunate predicament in any meaningful way, yet you presented in a kind enough manner that it may add some lucidity to the goblin's answer.

"W-W-WHAT NOW!? ARE YOU GONNA T-TORMENT ME BECAUSE OF MY ACCENT!? I'M A POOR UNDEAD GOBLIN! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"It's not that. You are actually a very good speaker of Elvish. The things you say are crude, angry, and loud, yet you manage to present them all very clearly as if you were an Elf yourself."

"Y-you really think that? Nobody ever complimented my speaking abilities before."

"Your fluency is really astounding. I never expected any lesser creature to be so adept at the language."

"Lesser creatures... sometimes I forget how condescending you Elves are. Anyway, I'm an ambassador and scholar for the Imperial Imperious Empire. I'm fluent in a bunch of languages. You actually may have heard my name before. Magatia Thricereed! Ring any bells?"

"My bells remain obdurate."

"Well, I'm guess my fame hasn't penetrated the walls of Elfheim yet. O-oops! S-sorry about that!"

"Sorry about what?"

"What I said about Elfheim is really insensitive. After what happened to it and all. You must be one of the displaced, am I correct?"

"Uhm... sure."

"So, where ya headin'?"

"Nowhere."

"I kinda like you, can I come with you?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Aren't you an ambassador for the IIE? Don't you have important things to do for them."

"I'm technically dead now, so it doesn't matter. They're barely tolerant of Goblins as is. They'll hate an undead Goblin like myself."

This goblin just went from extremely angry and distraught to content and happy in no time flat. Right now its sitting in the tree staring at you have a big smile on its face. You would rather not be followed around by a gross undead and possibly bipolar goblin, but it could act as a translator for you. Also, from what you hear the IIE is actually very accepting of scientists and all things science related. It could probably get you a job doing REAL science in a REAL laboratory with REAL equipment you that you won't have to find in through questionable means. This could be the chance to finally start living life how Alnon always you wanted to.

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-20-2012   #51 (permalink)
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ask him if he can give a recommendation to the IIE for him, in exchange for information on Elfheim and it's society.
 
12-20-2012   #52 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
ask him if he can give a recommendation to the IIE for him, in exchange for information on Elfheim and it's society.
"Hey, goblin."

"My name is Magatia."

"You work for the IIE, right? Then would you be willing to do a sort of "cultural exchange" with me in return for an employment recommendation."

"I'm a FORMER employee of the Empire. I'm a zombie goblin now so there's no way they would want to see my face again, much less take a recommendation from me."

"Surely, you have some frien-"

"I have no friends in the Empire, only bosses. Despite doing lots of ambassador work for them, my presence and opinions were very much unwanted. I got the feeling that a lot of people wanted me dead. I would still like to do the cultural exchange though. A lot of what goes on inside of Elfheim is unknown to the outside world, even after the disaster."

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-20-2012   #53 (permalink)
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ask for the best way to get into IIE then.
 
12-20-2012   #54 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
ask for the best way to get into IIE then.
"Could you at least point me in the general direction of the IIE?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"I don't know where we are. I don't even remember what happened to me for the past few days until you woke up s-shaking me," The goblin's eye twitches somewhat. It looks like it is still angry about the shaking incident, "that's why I want to come with you, pal. I'm undead now. Technically my life is over, but it's also somehow not over! It feels like I've been given a second chance. I don't even want to see the Empire again. I just want to be an adventurer. Hehehehehe."

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-20-2012   #55 (permalink)
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ask if you can make him into a cyborg once you construct a laboratory.

won't stink as much and will be much stronger! plus people won't be able to recognize him.
 
12-23-2012   #56 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
ask if you can make him into a cyborg once you construct a laboratory.

won't stink as much and will be much stronger! plus people won't be able to recognize him.
"Excuse me, Goblin."

"My name is Magatia."

"I want to experiment on you."

"Is it going to be weird magic stuff?"

"No... well.. I guess in a way..."

"Then no, you can't experiment on me. I'm already undead. That is enough weird magic stuff for me. For now at least."

"But this will directly benefit you."

"How so?"

"You are small, you are weak, and you are undead. I am aware of the properties that living goblins have, and I am aware that most of those properties are lost upon death. Would you say it would difficult for to survive without those properties?"

"You're talking causing bad luck, right?"

"Yes."

"I never did that. I never had a reason to."

"Okay, let's say that you did have a reason to. Wouldn't your life be more difficult without it?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, let's say that you did have a reason to and your life would be more difficult about it. Wouldn't you want to participate in an experiment that would curb your dependence on those properties."

"This hypothetical situation you're creating really has no relevance to me."

"Dammit, do you not want to be undead anymore?"

"C-Certainly!"

"Then I'll make you not undead. I'll make you into a cyborg."

"A what?"

"A cyborg."

"Are you even speaking Elvish?"

You forgot, the concept of a cyborg is something you completely created. It is entirely theoretical. In Elfheim it would be completely impossible for you to get the materials in order to test it. A cyborg is basically a mixture of an automaton and a living creature. You named it after a famous Elvin comedy duo, Cy and Borg. "Let me get to the point," you say, "I'll turn you into an automaton."

"Automaton? You mean those science things."

"Yes. Think about it, you'll be stronger, I guess you'll technically not be alive but you won't be undead, also you won't stink like a rotting goblin corpse."

"You're joking, right?"

"Of course not. Why would I joke."

"..."

The goblin gives you a blank stare as if its processing the information you gave it heavily. All goblins are simple minded creatures including this one that claims to be a scholar. An experimental concept like cyborgs would be a lot for a goblin to process. The thought of a living automaton still boggles your mind despite the fact that you created the idea. One day you hope to bring cyborgs to attention of the scientific community as who- "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The goblin lets out an impressively hearty laugh interrupting your thoughts. "OH GODS! I-I JUST CAN'T! I- BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE ACTUALLY SERIOUS! YOU'RE A SCIENTIST!?"

"Y-yes I am. What's wrong with being a scientist."

"ARE YOU ****ING DENSE? WHAT ISN'T WRONG WITH BEING A SCIENTIST! OH GOD! THE EMPIRE'S COURT WOULD GET A HOOT OUT OF THIS! A CUTE LITTLE SCIENTIST ELF! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The goblin falls out of the tree in laughter. "HOLY SHIT, I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF B-BUT- BAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY GODDS, HOLY LORDS THAT RESIDE IN THE AETHER, PLEASE SPARE ME FROM THIS STUPIDITY! I THINK I'LL DIE OF LAUGHTER AT THIS RATE! PFFFFFFT, MY SECOND TIME DYING WILL BE FROM SOMETHING SO GODDAMN STUPID! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS I-I-IS... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahaaaaa..."

The goblin stops laughing, it stop moving completely. You go over to examine it. Its face is stuck in a smile, and the dead-spark has gone from its eyes. Its dead for good this time. You are not sure if the way it died is truly ideal. In fact, you believe that its death has depleted some of your morale. It was an ambassador from the IIE, the Kingdom of Science itself! Yet it laughed at you. It laughed at you so hard that it died a second time.

Enter command:
>

ACTIONS:
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop

ITEMS: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4
 
12-23-2012   #57 (permalink)
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check to make sure it's still ok to even eat it, then if it is proceed to cook and use it to lure out the nekomata as you planned before.
 
12-24-2012   #58 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikecxz
check to make sure it's still ok to even eat it, then if it is proceed to cook and use it to lure out the nekomata as you planned before.
The goblin is gone for good now. Considering that it has been rotting for some time, even before it became undead, it probably is not safe to eat. But you will not be the one eating it. It is no matter to you. You gather some sticks and rocks and set up a rotisserie. The hardest part of this all is starting the fire so you can actually cook this thing. You have never been good at it. You wish you had some of your equipment. You could start a fire easily with then.

Suddenly, you feel down. Thinking of your equipment made you feel bad for some reason. You put so much effort into it all and you took it all so seriously. You destroyed your own home city for it, but that goblin still laughed in your face when you mentioned science. Is it that much of a joke?

You hear the sound of leaves being crushed from behind you. You turn around and draw your bow. A foreboding feeling overcomes you. A knife is thrust through you with incredible force. You have no time to react. Where did it even come from. You fall the ground in agonizing pain. A lone, strong Nekomata steps over you. Its face is masked. "You shouldn't have let it die." It mutters... in Elvish. IT'S SPEAKING ELVISH!

You Died.

The End.

Game Over.

You Suck.
 
12-24-2012   #59 (permalink)
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Guild: Celeste
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TIPS AND TRICKS

If you pick a lame class like Scientist, then it is key that you don't get key characters killed off with your ineptitude. That is about it.

CHOOSE RACE:
>HUMAN
>ELF
>GOBLIN
>ORC
>NEKOMATA
>MOON PERSON
>UNDEAD + 1 OTHER RACE OF YOUR CHOOSING

CHOOSE CLASS:
>WARRIOR
>WlZARD
>ARCHER
>BARD
>SCIENTIST
>MERCHANT
>ALCHEMIST< - FANCY NEW CLASS!

CHOOSE GENDER:
>MALE
>FEMALE
>OTHER
 
12-25-2012   #60 (permalink)
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WTF at that ending.

>Undead Moon Person

>Alchemist

>Male
 

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