Dood!

Woah! Not so fast! Whoop! Bit too close! There! Nice try! Too slow! How could--? How did--? Woah woah! Scary! Too easy! NOPE! Stretch! Gotcha! Nice huh? Watch yer feet! Hows that? There you are! Nuh-uh! Playtime's over! One! Two! Run run! Now that's just cold! I give up!

You're too close!

teal bros \o/

Thanks ;_;
Its really just the ending segment that needs staying-in-character...ness. lol. Most of the dialogue's the same and its mostly setting change and shit.

rohkay, but good luck keep in character.

MOST OF IT WAS DONE! I'll figure out an ending by the time i get there
so what do you want

Better question is, HOW DO YOU WRITE SOMETHING THAT ISN'T DONE?

psst
I'm rewriting Burning Steel for Nanowrimo. Do you mind if Leht is still in the story or do you want him written out?