Apologized to a friend, but it was an "insult".

[Yumidesu]

So, yesterday, I told him he was clueless about doing something. That he had no idea what he was doing. He got defensive about it and we had a mini-fight.

Recently, he mentioned what I said yesterday. I apologized to him for it.

"I'm sorry that I said what I said yesterday. I should not have worded it like that, or even said it. I'm just used to having to deal with people that are rather harsh and aren't very bright, which is why I said that, I suppose. So, I apologize."

Response:

"Saying that makes me feel like you think I'm stupid."

My response:

"What I said yesterday, or the apology?"

His response:

"The apology."



So...I don't know what to do. I mean, I said something insulting to a good friend. I apologized for it the day after. But he's still insulted by an apology, because it makes him feel stupid? I don't know what to do now. I mean, I don't want to lose a friend or anything. But I apparently cannot do anything without insulting him.

Could someone offer some advice please?

[tratout]

Originally Posted by Yumidesu

> told him he was clueless about doing something
> He got defensive about it and we had a mini-fight.

> I'm just used to having to deal with people that are rather harsh and aren't very bright

Ouch. That does sound quite insulting.
Though I can see that you meant well.

You may be speaking too bluntly.
(A problem I had trouble with myself.)


Some people will take your words very personally. With that in mind, it's a good practise to pause and think about how you may want to phrase what you want to say.

Try beginning statements with "I" instead of "you" because that makes the person you're talking to feel less at fault.

• I noticed you're having some trouble. Let me help you.
• I'm not sure if that's right. Can I show you why?

When you think of it that way, your friend may had been more offended by how you said what you did instead of what you said.


Uh, here's a template for an apology you could try out if you'd like:

"I'm sorry that I made you feel stupid. I shouldn't had said those things. It's just sometimes I'm not sure how to say things and they come out bad. I really didn't mean to hurt you. [Insert reasons why you love your friend and why they are important to you.] Please forgive me. I'm not perfect but I'll try my best to not do this again. I'm sorry."

[Nekcihc]

"I'm sorry that I said what I said yesterday. I should not have worded it like that, or even said it. I'm just used to having to deal with people that are rather harsh and aren't very bright, which is why I said that, I suppose. So, I apologize."

You should have left that out.