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02-05-2011   #1 (permalink)
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I just broke up with my boyfriend for 8 months the other day for the following reasons:

1.) He is ultra possessive and gets jealous almost all the time, given that I mostly get along with guys and all my best friends are guys, I couldn't even talk to them anymore.

2.) We can't see each other that much because my family kinda hates him.

3.) He thinks my whole world and life should revolve around him, but all my friends know I'm not that kind of person. :l

4.) I just don't love him anymore

3 years ago, my ex-boyfriend tried to kill himself by drinking a big big bottle of fabric softener because a girl ditched him, now I don't want him doing something stupid like that, but he seems so sad. :l He even begged me to take him back but I didn't know what to say. I just didn't have the feelings anymore, and I felt like I was in a leash.

I'm sorry if some of you guys think I am a butthole, but I'm not even that sad. I'm happy I'm free. It's just the guilt, that's trying to overpower all my emotions and decisions. :l

..Just thought of sharing.
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02-06-2011   #2 (permalink)
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It's always best to leave a relationship instead of leading them on to save their feelings or save yourself from guilt.

If it's the right decision for you, which it seems like it is, you shouldn't feel guilty.

He'll move on.
 
02-06-2011   #3 (permalink)
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If you don't love him anymore, then staying in a relationship any longer would just wind up hurting worse. It's better this way.
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02-06-2011   #4 (permalink)
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Sorry for my long post ... ;_: tl;dr version: NOT YOUR FAULT

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veldometer
1.) He is ultra possessive and gets jealous almost all the time, given that I mostly get along with guys and all my best friends are guys, I couldn't even talk to them anymore.
This sounds very similar to a situation my friend was in. Normally I would say both sides are at fault, but it appears he's the one that is overly paranoid =( If you chose him above everyone else, why should he be afraid of other people. Of course people are territorial and etc etc, but he needs to understand that you chose him, and you can take that away x:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veldometer
2.) We can't see each other that much because my family kinda hates him.
Oh well yeah ... that would cause a bit of problems. Most of the boyfriends i knew would never try to calm the fears of family members. In fact, most of them talked smack about their family members -_- A lot of them wanted to elope Dx

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veldometer
3.) He thinks my whole world and life should revolve around him, but all my friends know I'm not that kind of person. :l
Well! That explains number 1. IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NO ONE CAAAAN! Mentality =( I have like insane standards for love. If you don't love each other anymore as lovers, why can't love each other as just friends? If he can't understand that, I don't see how he can understand how to love a lover ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veldometer
4.) I just don't love him anymore
Well from what you explained, I wouldn't either!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veldometer
3 years ago, my ex-boyfriend tried to kill himself by drinking a big big bottle of fabric softener because a girl ditched him, now I don't want him doing something stupid like that, but he seems so sad. :l He even begged me to take him back but I didn't know what to say. I just didn't have the feelings anymore, and I felt like I was in a leash.

I'm sorry if some of you guys think I am a butthole, but I'm not even that sad. I'm happy I'm free. It's just the guilt, that's trying to overpower all my emotions and decisions. :l

..Just thought of sharing.
I hope he doesn't do anything stupid like that. He is probably taking it really hard, but the pain is not your fault so don't feel guilty. You gave him joy, but he gave you a leash. If he cannot give you the love you gave him equally, there is nothing you can really do =(

In my opinion, love is mutual and caring. Someone you can feel comfortable with. Then there are others who view it as a continual power struggle for dominance, but i don't want to get into that.

Please take care, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he caused you pain. Stay strong, you have lots of friends who will back you up =)

Omg why is my post bigger than the OP Q____Q
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02-06-2011   #5 (permalink)
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He should be able to move on without doing anything too dramatic. He's young and all, but yea, i have seen many many guys insecure like that, i'm not even sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing anymore since some people say it means the guy loves the girl more when he does it and at the same time, girls always come to me and tell me how much it sucks for them when they get insecure. But you did the right thing there, dragging it any longer will only make it worse by making his feelings for you grow stronger than it already is. As a guy, i really hate it when girls lead guys on without having any feelings for them, it's one of the worst thing a girl could do to a guy in any sort of relationship imo.
To minimise possible immediate damage to his mind's well being, just choose your words carefully when talking to him, nice words where possible, but you really need to let him know how you feel about the relationship.
Good luck, hope things don't get too dramatic!
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02-06-2011   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for everything guys. It really cheered me up! , I read every single thing and you all made sense. I'm glad all of you guys think I did the right thing. I get it now, it's not my fault. I guess I should just help him move on.
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02-06-2011   #7 (permalink)
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I hope everything works out for you both. Good luck.
 
02-06-2011   #8 (permalink)
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If there's no love, there's no point to stay.

Simple as that. I got out from my past relationship because of that, though he begged me to come back with him, I simply just can't since. Well, I got bored. LOL
Anywho.. When it comes to suicidal note.. I think you should call for some help. I mean, you don't wanna be in that mess where everyone seeing you as a Black Widow right?
So yeah

Somehow, your past relationship reminds me of mine. >_>
Except the #1, since he never give a shit about me.. But still.

Anyways.. Cool story bro.

No. On serious note, tell him exactly how you felt (I did) the guilt will go away afterward. Fo' serious. Good Luck
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02-07-2011   #9 (permalink)
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Guys, he's still bothering me. He's saying that I should think of him because he did so much sacrifice for me and etc. :l
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02-07-2011   #10 (permalink)
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You made the right decision to leave him. Sticking in a relationship where you're not happy is never good. You know that, I know that.

It's often the case that the 'dumpee' says a load of crap after you've left them. A defence mechanism if you like, a way to make themselves feel like they've got one up on you.
-The same happened with my ex, when I left him for quite similar reasons to yours, but I knew for sure that it was the right thing for me. And in a way, it was a weight lifted once I'd left him.

Give him some time, and he'll be fine.
 
02-07-2011   #11 (permalink)
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Remind yourself of why you left, and you left because it wasn't working real well. Life is short; sacrificing your own happiness for somebody else is never worth it, especially if the both of you are miserable.

Sometimes you need to be firm with people. If he keeps pestering, be a bastard. Tell him he was a shitty partner, and you want him away from you for good. If he keeps pestering you or becoming more pushy, threaten with legal action.

If he happens to go 'oh I'm going to kill myself boo hoo', ignore it. If people really intend on offing themselves, 99% of the time they don't let anybody know about it (some people actually just do stupid things to get attention).

If anybody actually does kill his/her self from a relationship you broke off with him/her, it's still not your fault, so don't feel guilty. Obviously that person had some problems before you came into the picture; a normal person won't kill his/her self over a relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NinjaDoughnut
3 years ago, my ex-boyfriend tried to kill himself by drinking a big big bottle of fabric softener because a girl ditched him.
I'm sorry, but that's just hilarious. People make their own choices; unless you put a gun to his head you didn't make him do it. This is just a prime example of the moronic things people will do just for attention, and a way for that person to try and rope you back into the relationship out of guilt.
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02-07-2011   #12 (permalink)
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If he threats to kill himself and you come back then he'll know that, if you break up with him again, all he needs to do is attempt suicide again. This reminded me of a scene kid over DeviantART forum, saying he was all depressed and stuff but didn't want to go see a therapist, and also saying that he wanted to suicide. As if he didn't have a family who care about him. That's what I think.
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02-07-2011   #13 (permalink)
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Go see him and slap him in the face and walk away.
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02-09-2011   #14 (permalink)
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Some of the above comments made me feel a bit.. uneasy as i have a brother who recently gone through a breakup. But i guess it's just opinions from others. i still say just make the breakup as harmless as possible and don't give him any hope for getting back together. Don't let the guilt get to you, you didn't do anything wrong, dragging it any longer will only make the break up hurt more. Good luck with everything
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