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07-15-2010   #21 (permalink)
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Read few of the replies, here is my 2 cents to my old friend.

First of all, after taking few psychology courses, I learned that changing one's personality is very very hard. But you can, like Shiki said, tone it down a bit.

1. Open up to few of your close friends who will listen and tell them you want to change. Ask them to kindly remind you of your goal every time you begin to annoy them or stray away from it.

2. Wear a wristband or something as a reminder of your goal, make it public by telling few of your friends. If someone inquires you of your wristband, tell them what it really means. When you are open about your goals, you will be more motivated or pressured to achieve them. It also shows you mean business.

3. Keep track of your progress in a diary/journal. I know it sounds cheesy/girly/or whatever, but it works. Whenever you annoy someone, write it down. Write down what you did, why you did it and why you didn't like it. Then write down how you plan to make up for it and prevent it from happening again. Also note down the moments when you successfully avoided annoying someone. It will serve as a source of motivation for you.

4. Don't give up. Ask your friends for feedback when you feel like its time.

That being said, don't approach all girls with the intent of making one your girlfriend. Thats creepy and dishonest. If you have a crush on one of them, ask her on a date and apologize ahead of time if you ever annoy her. Being honest is an obvious plus when it comes to relationships. Besides, she wouldn't be surprised when it hits her. One more thing, I think some girls liked to be occasionally annoyed. = )
 
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07-15-2010   #22 (permalink)
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Actually, I disagree with everyone who has posted so far. You don't have to change yourself -- especially your personality -- for other people's sake. If you're annoying to other people, then hey, you might be the type of person that someone else really enjoys talking to. I find that I am more attracted to people who act like themselves --people who behave like they don't have anything to hide or cover up. Do you really want the acceptance of people who don't really like the real you? Excuse me for being presumptuous but I think you'll feel worse when people will "like" you in your made-up personality. It's not like you have a disease or anything.

Also, there is nothing wrong with having friends of the same gender.

P.S: Apologizing for being annoying or asking if you're being annoying makes you look annoying

Last edited by mamoru; 07-15-2010 at 10:58 PM.
 
07-16-2010   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orphan
Actually, I disagree with everyone who has posted so far. You don't have to change yourself -- especially your personality -- for other people's sake. If you're annoying to other people, then hey, you might be the type of person that someone else really enjoys talking to. I find that I am more attracted to people who act like themselves --people who behave like they don't have anything to hide or cover up. Do you really want the acceptance of people who don't really like the real you? Excuse me for being presumptuous but I think you'll feel worse when people will "like" you in your made-up personality. It's not like you have a disease or anything.

Also, there is nothing wrong with having friends of the same gender.

P.S: Apologizing for being annoying or asking if you're being annoying makes you look annoying
I agree with being who you are without having anything to hide or cover up. But ask yourself this, what if taeo was impulsive or had serious anger management issues? Will that be okay?

I look at personalities as a continuum with two extremes. Having traits that are dysfunctional to your social life or daily activities shouldn't be easily accepted (i.e extreme personalities). You said that trying to be someone else will make him feel uncomfortable, well sometimes, being yourself makes you uncomfortable. I think taeo sought out advice from us because he felt that his tendencies to annoy people interfered with establishing a healthy social life. I think that's good reason for coming here.

At the end, it's his choice.
 
07-16-2010   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orphan
You don't have to change yourself -- especially your personality -- for other people's sake.
Actually, it seems to me like he IS trying to change how he is for himself. Contrary to popular belief, changing your personality is not always about the other people. And neither is wanting friends.

I used to be rude, violent, loud (still am, i have trouble controlling my voice volume), hyper yet somehow very shy, and overall just unpleasant to be around. I realized this was causing me to not have friends, and it was eating me up inside. I did manage to tone myself down and I do have friends now, but at this point I'm comfortable with who I am and finally have self confidence.

In fact I know lots of other people that used to be unbearable and decided to change themselves because THEY wanted to.

Personality flaws are personality flaws. In the end other people do have bearing on this (like are your flaw the ones that will drive away the people you want to be with?), though it is important to be content and comfortable with yourself.
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07-16-2010   #25 (permalink)
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Being an annoyance to people and having anger management problem is a bit different though. There is no way that you can change your personality. You can adapt, you can try to control it, you can learn how to live with it, but in the end if you're not happy with who you are, you won't ever be happy. To have a healthy social life, one should have a healthy body and mind first. It all starts with you.

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07-16-2010   #26 (permalink)
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It's a whole different story if he had severe personality issues. But the thing is, it doesn't sound like that case at all. Maybe he's not really annoying and his classmates are just trying to start drama -- who knows. I'm just working off taeo's post.

Don't get me wrong; I believe in changing yourself for yourself, but it seems as if he's doing this because he wants to win the appeal of his classmates. Being yourself may not be comfortable all the time, but I think he'd feel worse knowing that others like him for the person that he isn't.

I know he posted this thread for help, but I think the advice given is detrimental to taeo. It's not healthy for someone to obsess about how other people perceive them all the time. It's also not healthy for people to think that it's some kind of disease to be annoying.

Quote:
Actually, it seems to me like he IS trying to change how he is for himself. Contrary to popular belief, changing your personality is not always about the other people. And neither is wanting friends.
Well, it seems to me like he's changing himself because of other people. He already states that he already has friends but a crowd of people dislike him for "being annoying". It seems more of an overreaction towards comments made by other people.

Last edited by mamoru; 07-16-2010 at 01:38 AM.
 
07-16-2010   #27 (permalink)
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See your doctor, get an AD(H)D diagnosis, take Ritalin(or similar), your "problem" will be solved.
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07-18-2010   #28 (permalink)
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Is it really possible to be able to change to boost my self esteem and change people's thoughts about me?
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07-19-2010   #29 (permalink)
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From what I understand, the problem might lie in the way you carry yourself.

Rather than trying to appeal to your friends to change their opinions, you might be better off not doing it. Going to your friends and having them entertain you when you are bored is normal when done occasionally. Doing it often and they will feel that they had been handled the responsibility of taking care of your entertainment. It feels tiring and heavy burdened to them. And then, it starts to get annoying.

So you might just want to give them some space. Don't talk about everything they are not interested in. Make some other friends for that.
 
07-23-2010   #30 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taeo
Is it really possible to be able to change to boost my self esteem and change people's thoughts about me?
It's definitely possible to boost your own self esteem. Try looking at yourself in the mirror and saying positive things about yourself. You can practice smiling too if you want. I know that it sounds weird, but it really does help!

You can't change other people's thoughts about you though. Well, not really. First impressions really are important, and unfortunately if you make a bad one you're going to have a hard time overcoming that.
 
08-01-2010   #31 (permalink)
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don't mind them too much, earning respect in school is nothing important, what u DO NEED to do is a few friends who would accept u for who u are. Unless u be true to yourself, u wuldn't be able to find real friends. It's strange, i actually changed like what u proposed there, people start asking crap like "lol dude, why aren't u loud / talkable / random / wateva u name it anymore." i mean, they were the ones that found those stuff annoying, i've changed and they come ask me what's wrong lmao.... they miss my old self or wat?
but anyway, right now, my respect @ school has been falling too, i guess it's just a phrase a lot of people go through especially during the age where people change lots (16~18) people are less tolerant and can become a complete stranger to u such that u would wonder where their old self has gone.
good luck with the decisions / wateva it is you're doing, but that's just my experience i'm sharing
 

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