Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Milky Way Galaxy, Orion Arm, Solar System, Earth
Guild: Transition Metals
The very last message I'll leave for someone close
I would like to tell everyone a story. It's an old story, but nevertheless, it's interesting, really.
There's once a lamp installed in a dark narrow alley. Every night, it would light up and brighten up the streets for those people that walks and show them the path back home no matter what kind of situation it is. May it be raining, may it be cloudy or stormy or even if it's a clear night, the lamp would always be there, shining out brightly for the people to see their way in the darkness. At the start, these people understand how important this light is. They knew, it's their only salvation in a dark alley filled with dangerous objects like broken glass and nails from packing crates (As it's a dirty alley and during that time, little people could afford shoes with thick and hard soles). But as time passed, people got used to this lamp. They knew it would light up every night when they would need it. They knew the lamp would never move, it would always be there at the same place, same time. Eventually, those people forgot that street lamp even existed in the first place. Even so, the lamp turns on every night to suit the people's needs by lighting the dark alley up.
But not everything lasts forever, even the lamp couldn't shine forever. Day by day after a year or two, the lamp slowly grew dimmer and dimmer. People started to realize something is wrong with it, but even so, they refuse to see or even care about what is wrong with the lamp. They moved on with their daily lives, depending on this very important lamp without thinking twice about what's happening. No one called the authorities to change the bulb, no one checked to see what's wrong with the lamp, they've just went on with their lives as if nothing has happened. And even so, the lamp still shines with it's almost burnt out filament, trying it's best to brighten up the streets as it is what it's made to do in the first place.
One day, the lamp just blew out, throwing the streets below into darkness. As the people tries to navigate through that narrow alley, they stumble over broken glass, trod on rusty nails. They knocked into rubbish cans and eventually found it impossibly hard to navigate through that narrow alley without knocking into or walking on dangerous objects found in that alley. At that time, everyone look up and stared at the broken lamp upon the night sky and asked, why is the lamp broken? Isn't it working last night? Man, I wish that the lamp would be working again, it's so hard trying to travel through this alley without a light. It's during that time, when people look back and ponder, how easy it is to go through that same path they had been going through every day if only there's a light to shine the path. It's only during that time where people actually turn back and thought and wondered how much more convinent if the lamp were to light their path up once again. Or even perhaps, if only the lamp were properly mantained, they wouldn't have to be thrown into the darkness, unable to see a single thing.
With that said...
In any cases, I'm a person that refuses to give up on friends no matter how much shit they've done to me before. Since it's your choice that you would want to do stuffs this way, then let it be the way that you've chosen. Since this is what you want, then there's nothing that I can really do, isn't it?
I've tried to fix things up with you and I seriously do want to but with your current attitude on this kind of situation, I don't think there's any much more stuffs I can do. Pretty much like Cath has said, we've been friends for so long and I found it upsetting that you had to use this kind of attitude to face with our current situation. But nevertheless it is okay, there is no one else I could blame it on currently but me.
Ultimately, it is your choice. I do believe that you have your reasons and I don't think I would want to ask you for any of them but I would really like you to know that this wouldn't change my opinions of the 4 years of friendship we had for I truely do treasure them. Well, since I couldn't convince you or change your views and opinions, then I guess I'll just leave you alone, since that is what you've wanted in the first place. It truly upsets me to see our friendship ending in this kind of scenario. I would like to thank you for the 4 years of annoyance he had to put up with me, I thank you for being there within those 4 years when I needed your help in various sitautions and I'm sorry about those stuffs I've said to you in anger in the last few conversations we had.
It is your choice and I do respect that and I do regret having to do something like this but this is the first time I couldn't fix things up with people that I do actually care about. I would like to say thank you for those 4 years of memories, being the first person on the internet that actually went out and met me face to face, introducing new friends and other activities to me when I'm alone. All the time we've spent together in the arcade, walking about DB, watching you kick people's asses in MBAA, playing together in many various MMOs, trolling people on random ever since MT and many other events that brought the spice to my life. I'm truely sorry that it would have to end this way. Even though I do know that there isn't very much I can do in the first place for you as because you're not a person that is easily swayed to change your opinions and I do respect that. Nevertheless, there's times we had fun together, eh? May it be pubstomping inexperienced players on L4D2, trolling unsuspecting targets, going out to buy figurines or telling tall stories, I'm glad to say that I'll always keep those memories with me.
With this, I will pester you no more. It's your choice and besides, all friendships have to come to an end one day anyway. I've truely tried my best to correct myself, but I guess it's too late, eh? I will never regret this friendship we once had. Once again, thank you. Thank you very much for all those experiences in life. Thank you for the final, most important gift, practically priceless, you've given me before leaving: The truth. You're right. Going about asking people that knows me in real-life about my faults will never get them to tell me the truth that I would not want to hear about in the first place.
Therefore, with this, good bye and thank you. There's nothing more I can do to fix a boat that has already sunk to the bottom of the ocean. In all cases, I'm really sadden by the fact that it has to end this way.
You were the lamp that has brighten up my life for four years. In those four years, I had been depending on you ever since even though I ignored the fact that I've been annoying you off frequently. Even now, though you refuse to converse with me civilly, I'll always remember the times where you were there. I'm deeply sadden by the fact that this friendship isn't something I can fix in my current situation with my quick temper and my refusal to give up and admit my faults. Even at the end, I couldn't do it, seeing how I would horrendously claim you're wrong in various situations and coming up with different irrelevant theories. But in the end, nothing worked out. So I guess this is the end of it all then. There's really nothing more I can do no matter how hard I've tried.
If you guys want the truth of how I feel currently, then here it is:
- Truly, I'm deeply sadden by this current situation. If you would like me to discribe to you how would it feel, I would tell you that the only time I've really cried in my entire teenager to adult lifetime are for my dead grandparents. This person managed to make my eyes tear up and turn sore, but nevertheless. I promised myself to post this up and let everyone read it. It's not really right to leave everyone hidden in the dark about the current situation, so here it is may that person leak it out to everyone else on his MSN list or on the IRC, here's one for everyone on the forums to read.
- If I'm given a chance to fix everything, I would probably grab it like a person about to drown, grabbing onto a lifeline.
- To tell the truth, this isn't only to that person I'm talking about. This is to another particular person that I've teased (For two days in a row when he's online in the channel) on Skype™ multiples of times, and of course, an apology to two other unrelated person that was in the same room being blamed by me for something they didn't do.
- You do know who you are if you're stated in this particular post. Feel free to reveal who you are if you want to. And as for the people who knows about who those particular members are, I do wish you would not go about telling everyone about it as I do respect those people's privacy. They might not want to be caught up in something they're not expecting because I made this thread without their permission.
- No matter how saddened I am of this situation, I'll probably pick myself up in a few days time and look back at those broken fragments as that is how life is. But nevertheless, don't feel too akward if I'm not acting like myself for a few days (That is if you would really care) or weeks (Happened before). I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything, but I don't think I can be positive in my posts, go about spamming in random or typing crap at people for quite awhile after having to go through this incident.
- I'm still human. Even though I do know of my mistakes, even though I feel the pain of it in this particular situation, do expect me to make the same mistakes over and over again. In history, major events has repeated itself multiples of times because of human error and I'm not much different from anyone else.
- Of course, last but not least, I do hope that people would not judge me any differently even after reading this particular post. No mater how people might feel about the way I've posted as if I'm a superior being (As remarked on by several other people) I would like everyone to know that I did not mean to offend anyone and I've never once thought I'm better than anyone else, period.
Right, and if you would like to make fun of me, tease or even flame me, please bring it to the PM. Hell, you can even add me on MSN, just state who you are. There is no point in racking up infraction points in this thread. My inbox is particularly empty and I would not mind a few more messages to collect.
I don't think I'll be going online much to check on /ggFTW or MSN for a few days as I'm particularly ashamed with myself for being so utterly useless in this kind of situations. I used to have pride in helping people to repair their broken friendship, I used to have pride in giving out logical advices to people, but when the situation requires me to turn to myself for the help I had pride in giving people so much, I found to be dumbstruck and unable to come up with a valid solution to worm out of this situation. And if you're wondering, yes. This is the very reason why I haven't been on /ggFTW much in comparison with my previous posting and reading habits on Random Forums. I do not have the guts to face up with that person, so I told myself to leave him alone for a week. This includes Random Forums, as he frequents that place alot. That was a cowardly tactic, seriously. I could have made it up to him by then if I would have just swallowed my pride and took whatever he've said. It's too late now, though.
If you felt that you've wasted your time reading this thread, I'm truly sorry about that. Yes, it's about my life, but I seriously feel that sometimes... People should just know that I do have feelings too even though I do not like flaunting it about alot. Sometimes, I do act as if I'm angry or even mad but in actual fact, it's pretty much something else.
That is all I have to say, thank you for the time spent with me. Yes, I'm deeply sadden by the fact that we could not fix anything and everything has to end up this way. I'm just really disappointed with myself right now and do not wish to hear anything more about it.
With this, I'm pretty much officially out of the race for anything on /ggFTW. I guess I wouldn't be going out with you guys on any more trips or events.
There goes my last true friend from Trickster Online that I can freely converse with on almost any topic.
This is Kyuubey
Last edited by Silver Rook; 07-11-2010 at 12:54 PM.