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03-07-2010   #1 (permalink)
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Default guy meets other girl?

Okay so there is a guy I like and we were going good for about a 9 months.. then it gets a lil bumpy .. he's in the navy so he's gone at 4 months at a time and 3 months on land. Anyways.. around Valentines day last year .. we had a talk about the future and i said since im gonna be changing schools and my asian parents are a bunch of nazis.. that its gonna be slow and hopefully when im away at school things will get better.. the summer comes and I start to get busy (this was during his leave on land) and so i'm barely around for half the season.. then things start to cool down for me and we start falling back into place again.. but I felt like he's been acting differently with me. I even approached him about it a few weeks before his departure again... and all he tells me is "well yeah i think i have changed a little".. thats it..

anyways, i left it at that because I thought it was my fault and i told him i was sorry i had gotten busy so much since it was really out of my hands. And he accepted it .. but the uneasy feeling still was in the atmosphere... So he leaves and I email him from time to time talking about my day n whats going on .. and he replies back and tells me he misses me etc. which is all fine n dandy..

till I decide to sign up at one of his forums he goes to since we like to play RO together.. so i was like okay i'll join and see how it is on that server... I see his profile because i was gonna add him and he could just accept me later.. but i notice some girl was writing him telling him she loves him and that she's his and cant wait to see him when he gets back.. My heart sank.. like literally dropped and i had to pick it up but i was in shock.. I really dunno what to do at that point but i went along with it like everything else and put it as random person.. ya know..

so he comes back in jan. and we talked for awhile and he talked about how lame it was etc. while he was at sea.. then he spent the rest of his vacation to visit his parents .. so yar.. its all good sounding.. so then he mentions of while he's stationed that there was another thing we could play together so yar i go along with it and look at the forums.. same circle of friends etc. and BAM.. i see a I love you from some girl .. and she has in her signature his messenger name n time stamp with a <3 .. i felt like i lost the feeling in my legs at that point and my hands were trembling while i was drying dishes later that night.. I haven't spoken to him yet since i saw it.. but maybe i shouldn't.. maybe he just thinks of me as a friend because of the summer bit? It really makes me feel kinda useless and worthless all jumbled into one.. like I wasn't good enough for him in that sense.. yet i think the world of him. Perhaps i should just move on ?.. Lately we've been talking and he's very uh.. i dunno how to say it.. "hi .. how are you?.. thats good.. I think im gonna go to bed.. good night" ... its like.. really stiff to say the least.. its been like that since a bit before he left last year.. .__. ugh. arasdfhsadhfsa i dunno.. I just needed to get that off my chest.. its been eating at me all yesterday and today ..
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03-07-2010   #2 (permalink)
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I can't say I'm completely understanding of your situation or that I have the perfect advice as to what to do, but I just felt like I should leave a comment. :x

Hmm. From a guy's perspective, and from what I get from what you said, I would also feel kind of.. rejected? Or maybe hurt or ignored if, like, all communication was cut off for such a long time. I don't know how he is as a person or how understanding he was of your situation, though.

As another odd note, maybe he's just a really friendly guy. And he has really friendly female friends. o_o

One thing I didn't get, though... are you two actually a couple or just.. you felt it was going in that direction?
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03-07-2010   #3 (permalink)
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i know a lot of girls who are very friendly with guys saying that they love them but they really don't maybe it's that?
 
03-07-2010   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buta
As another odd note, maybe he's just a really friendly guy. And he has really friendly female friends. o_o
Quote:
Originally Posted by xXPwnageXx
i know a lot of girls who are very friendly with guys saying that they love them but they really don't maybe it's that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tea
but i notice some girl was writing him telling him she loves him and that she's his and cant wait to see him when he gets back.. My heart sank.. like literally dropped and i had to pick it up but i was in shock.. I really dunno what to do at that point but i went along with it like everything else and put it as random person.. ya know..

..same circle of friends etc. and BAM.. i see a I love you from some girl .. and she has in her signature his messenger name n time stamp with a <3 ..
Yeah.. Just a friend...
Anyways, I also didn't understand whether or not you two were officially a couple.

Last edited by Kat; 03-07-2010 at 03:19 PM.
 
03-07-2010   #5 (permalink)
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That's terrible Tea, I'm sorry. Things get rough when you're parted for long stretches...maybe you should probably have a talk with him, discuss where the two of you stand with each other now? Or you could go right out and ask him if there's anyone else in his life. In any case, resolution is always good...no point being in the dark and worrying your ass off.
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03-07-2010   #6 (permalink)
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well we were heading in that direction up until valentines day (we werent official, but we were together that whole duration).. then it got kinda shakey with the taking things slow period.. since i was busy with school and summer school and working and family issues etc. then this happened.. I should probably confront him but im afraid of what he might say .. its just really tough .. probably mentally to make that leap over n do it.. it really pains me though. But i understand what you mean Rip.. who knows she might be just a friend or so he might say .. i guess i just need to muster up the courage to do so..
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03-07-2010   #7 (permalink)
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Unless you talk about it with him, you will never know what's really going on. Although from the things you've said, it doesn't really seem to be just "friends", seems to be more than that.

My advice would be to just have a talk with him about it. No point keeping it all in and hoping for the best. Better to just find out the truth and move on, no matter how much it hurts, if it's the worst case scenario.
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03-08-2010   #8 (permalink)
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Confront the problem and don't bottle it up. The situation only gets more mysterious and hurtful as their days progress without you knowing what's going on.
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03-08-2010   #9 (permalink)
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Since the relationship isn't official, it may very well be that he's trying to meet many others to see what he want out of a relationship.

He may also feel that both of you are not ready to commit. There is also the possibility that he mistook the sorry for rejection.

Well, you need to stop linking his indifferent attitude and the other girl together, or you may torment yourself out.
 
03-08-2010   #10 (permalink)
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Well it is a mmo relationship/friendship he has with the other girls. maybe its like the way I act with you and other people in mmo's I play. I say playful silly things like, ilm tea or somthing along those lines but it's just for fun. Only way to find out is by asking questions.

poor tea ILM Tea
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03-09-2010   #11 (permalink)
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well i finally got around to asking him.. it really took a lot of effort on my part.. i was shaking and my heart was pounding. But i knew i had to do it .. a lil silence in the beginning but I said what i had to say and it went over okay i guess. That girl was actually somebody his friend introduced him to.. and she just wont leave him alone.. apparently she wants to pair together with him n he doesn't want that.

Aside from the other stuff.. he's too busy with not falling apart due to his stressful routine right now since its in preparation for his departure.. so its been hectic for him etc. and he's not looking to work on his personal life till things are done with.. so i understand that .. then we had talks about everything else and he was sorry things went the way they did.. so yar.. i feel better and felt a rock lifted off me.. a bit teary at times, but i'm happy i was able to bring myself pass this point. So thank you everybody for your encouragement... it really meant a lot to me.

I told him i was a bit jealous of the girl thing.. and he was smirking and laughing at me.. >___>;;
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Last edited by Tea; 03-09-2010 at 08:25 AM.
 
03-09-2010   #12 (permalink)
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-Hugs Tea.- I had the problem with my husband Twice honestly.

The 1st was when we were 1st dating and this girl who was obsessed with him would leave msgs on his myspace that would ..Really tick me off. He told me she was crazy and had stalked him since high school.

The other was his Cousin's friend and this is while we were married. He had taken some time staying with his mother because she had gotten sick. After a few weeks his couisn msgs me on myspace telling me he had cheated on me with her friend and that she has his ring. I confront him about it and he tells me that his OWN cousin had tried to get them together. And to this day she still trys...It upsets me to know it but I trust him. Plus he find its cute that I get upset and jealouse because Hell we're married.

But I will agree its hard..really hard to get over and out of your head..if you've been done wrong before you always wonder. But he sounds like a good guy and that this girl is really buggin him. Sometimes guys dont have the guts to tell girls like that to step off. In my case I've broken alot girls hearts.
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03-09-2010   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tea
well i finally got around to asking him.. it really took a lot of effort on my part.. i was shaking and my heart was pounding. But i knew i had to do it .. a lil silence in the beginning but I said what i had to say and it went over okay i guess. That girl was actually somebody his friend introduced him to.. and she just wont leave him alone.. apparently she wants to pair together with him n he doesn't want that.

Aside from the other stuff.. he's too busy with not falling apart due to his stressful routine right now since its in preparation for his departure.. so its been hectic for him etc. and he's not looking to work on his personal life till things are done with.. so i understand that .. then we had talks about everything else and he was sorry things went the way they did.. so yar.. i feel better and felt a rock lifted off me.. a bit teary at times, but i'm happy i was able to bring myself pass this point. So thank you everybody for your encouragement... it really meant a lot to me.

I told him i was a bit jealous of the girl thing.. and he was smirking and laughing at me.. >___>;;
Yay! Hope things work out in the end for you two.
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03-10-2010   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyn
-Hugs Tea.- I had the problem with my husband Twice honestly.

The 1st was when we were 1st dating and this girl who was obsessed with him would leave msgs on his myspace that would ..Really tick me off. He told me she was crazy and had stalked him since high school.

The other was his Cousin's friend and this is while we were married. He had taken some time staying with his mother because she had gotten sick. After a few weeks his couisn msgs me on myspace telling me he had cheated on me with her friend and that she has his ring. I confront him about it and he tells me that his OWN cousin had tried to get them together. And to this day she still trys...It upsets me to know it but I trust him. Plus he find its cute that I get upset and jealouse because Hell we're married.

But I will agree its hard..really hard to get over and out of your head..if you've been done wrong before you always wonder. But he sounds like a good guy and that this girl is really buggin him. Sometimes guys dont have the guts to tell girls like that to step off. In my case I've broken alot girls hearts.
glad to know i'm not the only one whose had this experience. thankies lyn for your words of wisdom and yes it is hard.. i've been through quite a few relationships that didn't end well and i wanted to just throw it all out the window..

thanks buta :3
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03-10-2010   #15 (permalink)
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Hurray Tea you did it! Good to hear that it went well. Here's to a lasting r/s for the two of you
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03-10-2010   #16 (permalink)
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i mean.. i trust his words, but we'll see how it goes.. lol;; sadly he has about a month left before departure.. and its a long trip so he'll be gone for 6 months Q__Q
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