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01-28-2010   4 links from elsewhere to this Post. Click to view. #1 (permalink)
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Okay.. So, I have a boyfriend now and we both really love each other very much. Anyways, I can't help but to feel jealous over his ex because its been almost a year he broke up with him (the peace kind) and he still keeps his pictures in his flash-drive, (I know LMAO).. Yeah, not only that, he STILL texting him.. T_T
They usually went out together in the middle of the night going idk.
He did told me though about his ex.. Like how/what/why it was happened. (For your info, his ex already married with a girl and moved)..
Even though, he assured me that they both have absolutely no other feelings to each other (i doubt it) and both of them JUST a CLOSE FRIEND but I cna't help to think that he's actually still in love with him.

I don't want to be the freak who force his lover to forget about his ex or I'll bla bla.. No. I'm not kind of person.. I tried to think rationally, as in, they both REALLY are friends and have nothing more than that. But EVERY TIME I sees his picture or saw my boyfriend texting with him.. It really hurts me.. It feels like my boyfriend toying with my feelings. ,/ams,lfdkfad

ARGH. IDK... It just hurts too much for me.
I didn't tell him my true feelings about their 'relationship' because I don't want to hurt him, I WANTED TO TRUST HIM. But good Lord.. It's hard.
I need help.. Is it a right thing to do telling him to stop texting/calling to his ex? Or just ignore it completely?

I don't want to lose him because of my jealously and trust issue BUT I don't want to lose him because I let him went back to his ex. T_T

Please, no flaming/trolling/joking around.
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01-28-2010   #2 (permalink)
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Had a similar issue with my girlfriend. Except it wasn't with her ex but rather with her so called best friend. They did all those things, text, go out atnight, etc. I found it normal though as they were best friends and I trusted her. Thing is I found out that her best friend wanted more than just a friendship. I confronted her about it and eventually they grew apart because of him. He became somewhat obsessed in having her...

Long story short, confront him about it if it really is hurting you as much as you say it does. Tell him how you feel and see if you can work something out. Communication goes a long way.

Last edited by Pico; 01-28-2010 at 10:06 PM.
 
01-28-2010   #3 (permalink)
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He who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

Err, I hope this chinese proverb is appropriate for this situation o_o.

But anyways, take Pico's advice and tell your boyfriend on how you feel about it. And maybe you guys can come to a conclusion on how to deal with this situation. I think it's a bad idea to not let him know your true feelings. I think that not letting him know will hurt you in the long run... maybe.

Also, it's natural for boys to feel jealous/hurt when their loved ones talk about their ex. So don't feel bad.
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01-28-2010   #4 (permalink)
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as said before TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!

but as not said before talk about with words like "I am uncomfortable about this" or This is bothering ME". As this is a you problem, it's a completely reasonable and understandable problem, but it's still you.
 
01-28-2010   #5 (permalink)
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Tell him. :s If he really cares about you, he will try to avoid doing things that hurt you. That bit about going out together at night? That's not cool.

Look, it's not fair to ask him to stop seeing his "friend" altogether, but he has to put some distance between them. That belief where ex-lovers can be just friends is a whole lotta bollocks especially if they're been in love. He needs to respect not only YOUR feelings, but his ex's wife's feeling.

If you tell him that you're hurting and he still continue knowing that it hurts you, well... Maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship.
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01-28-2010   #6 (permalink)
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The thing is... He doesn't take things seriously whenever he's with me.. Since we both jokes alot and its hard to sense when is the 'serious moment'. /face palm

Believe me... I did tried to tell him to like.. Text with his ex LESS and meet him LESS... But he make that sad face and I felt guilty about it. Me and my soft spot. =_=
(again fyi, the pictures still in his flash-drive, after i told him to delete it)

Owh god. Imma confront him later this Sunday... T_T
But I'm scared that he's going to mad/hate me for doing so. It's like, im invading his privacy or whatever you call it. lol ;_;

I hate love. and for mr. Lenne, I'm the yuke in the relationship. LAL
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01-29-2010   #7 (permalink)
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Do NOT tell him to delete the pictures or to stop seeing/texting his ex. That's the WORST thing to do. Mostly people don't listen when you tell them not to do something, and believe me, it is terrible when your bf is telling you you can't meet a person because he thinks there is more between you two!
I had something like that too, and if he had just come up to me and talk to me about it saying that he didn't feel comfortable with it etc. I wouldn't have a problem, but no, instead he wasn't allowing me to see that friend anymore. And that's really a terrible thing, I didn't want to listen because it was indeed a good friend of mine, but it was my boyfriend saying it so I wanted to listen, but he was just not allowing me something.. And that's something I really can't stand.

So my advice is, do talk to him, but do not tell him to do such things less. Just start talking and say that you are uncomfortable about it and feel jealous when he does those things with his ex. And then together you have to find a solution, he has to think of things too, and that solution can be spending less time with his ex.
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01-29-2010   #8 (permalink)
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I'll say this again, TALK TO HIM ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR PROBLEM WITH HIM DOING THIS! I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, this is a you problem if you weren't there most likely he'd be doing the same thing. When you met him he came with this past and he has a right to it. If he wants to keep a photo of an ex, he can, you could to if you wanted to.

Yet again this is your problem, talk to him about your problem. I don't know him, but I have a feeling he is not a mind reader. So inform him of your feelings and your problem with this, and focus on you during this.

and finally here's what happens if he doesn't take your feelings into account on this. You have two options, learn to live with this by whatever way works for you, or dump him and find someone else.
 
01-29-2010   #9 (permalink)
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Yeah.. I'm going talk to him this Sunday. T_T
I'm just scared he will get mad at me.. for being jealous or whatever. .-.
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