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01-02-2010   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is it hard to make conversation?

...somehow, I think this could be a serious issue for me.

I find it hard to engage myself in a conversation that consists entirely of small talk.
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01-02-2010   #2 (permalink)
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01-02-2010   #3 (permalink)
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no you talk to people they just can't initiate conversation
 
01-02-2010   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameh
I find it hard to engage myself in a conversation that consists entirely of small talk.
I can totally relate to you on this, Ameh. Happens to me IRL as well, I'm always stuck in situations where people are going on and on about the most inane things (like the other day, the boss wasn't in and my colleagues were facebooking and gossiping for literally the whole day..orz).

My solution is to just "go afk" like you did, really, even if it makes me come across as antisocial. The only other option is to put up a front and actually get involved in the convo....which is just not me :/
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01-03-2010   #5 (permalink)
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Just set yourself as away. It gives you an excuse to not reply if someone you don't feel you can't talk to IMs you. And the same time you can hold conversations with people you enjoy.
 
01-04-2010   #6 (permalink)
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Heh, I think my phase of talking to 10+ people at the same time, was when it was the hippest thing back in 6th grade. As I got older, I just stopped talking to others. Same as you, it's not like I don't care to talk to them, or I hate them or something, but I think as time passes by, I feel that I am a bother if I just randomly out of the blue start a conversation with people who doesn't message me. Sure I'll say hi, but that's pretty much all I really care about, is to say hi, and know they're there and that we remember each other.

However, I think it's because I don't take the initiative to message people, is the reason why my ability to get onto the personal level with all of my friends not possible. I've lost a lot of people who I used to spurt out about my day every day of my life. And I feel ashamed that most of the time, I have to hear about someone else's problem, from someone else, rather than that person coming to me to tell me. I am always on MSN, just in case anyone needs me, but I don't really message anyone, unless there's something really important I need to tell them about.

I just think most of the time when the conversation dies off, I should just leave it as is, because I always have the fright of the other person thinking I'm trying too hard and that I'm evading their space. Lols.
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01-04-2010   #7 (permalink)
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I don't think MSN is a necessity to having a good friendship with someone in real life and it shouldnt really lead to arguments or fights. I personally don't talk to any RL friends through MSN unless i need to. Like you, its not because they bore me or any reasons like that, its simply the fact that it tends to come down to small talk as we do all the rest in person. I don't think that something you should worry about, unless your rl friends are total MSN freaks and rely on it as a basis of a friendship with you, in which case can they really be thought of as friends?

With topics, maybe just try bringing up a certain thing with a friend, like a world issue or current event or something that interests YOU, and see what they make of it. I'm a terrible conversation stater and alot of the time I tend to let the other person start it which can lead to conversation getting boring or dying out.

I normally have a proper conversation with about 2 people and everything else comes down to small talk, or no talk at all in some cases. Multi-conversations is a pain to keep up and you can't get into a good topic without leaving others for a while IMO.

And like other have said, just set to away to avoid awkward situations, or if they ask you why you haven't replied, say you were busy.
 
01-04-2010   #8 (permalink)
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People and their IMs... I don't like small talk either and that gets on my nerves. So do people who don't understand that we don't sit on the computer solely to speak to them. 3 minutes go by and they say "why r u ignorin me".

I prefer meaningful conversations as well but they don't happen every day. Some people make it a habit to open a window with you all the damn time but have nothin good to say.
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01-05-2010   #9 (permalink)
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Yeah, I have a hard time conversing with people. I basically say "Hello, ____.", and "How are you?" (sometimes followed by "Anything new?") after it. I have a lot of emotional problems (hard for me to convey it), and I don't like how to discuss how my day went. Thus, that's how far they usually go. :P
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01-06-2010   #10 (permalink)
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@ what you said to me (:, i understand what you mean definitely. When people move away, the type of friendship can change. I mean, you can still be as close as ever, but it's always going to be different to speaking to them IRL or seeing them in person all the time. You've just got to break through any awkwardness and go for it. Go for any conversation that you'd like to have if you were talking to them IRL.

If you can only catch up with people through SMS or MSN, just make the most of it. Talk to them through those methods as well as you can, even if it starts as small talk and then develops into a proper conversation later on.
 
01-07-2010   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameh
@Adun: I actually don't have much to say if a conversation is meaningful :x That's probably why people will find me typing more here and just "having more things to say" here on a forum, where there are actual discussions, than on MSN where a typical conversation will be "Hey, how are you?" and dies off 10 minutes later. .__.;
That's the inconvenience of instant messaging. Forums allow you to post at a more relaxed pace and you're not on a hot seat, without the rush or pressure of a person waiting for your response ... live.

Many people post longer, elaborate posts and have much more to say over a message board simply because it's a message board.

Some people treat the forum as if it were MSN, and that's when posts become spammy one-liners.

It's more of a preference really. I prefer posting on a message board as opposed to MSN (I hate IMing) because my responses always look way too simplistic for me, and people like to talk a lot about nothing.

We don't have threads titled "How's your day?". We have discussions about whatever the OP delivers to the table.
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Last edited by Adun; 01-07-2010 at 04:57 AM.
 
01-07-2010   #12 (permalink)
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I'm like Adun, lol. I don't like to say, "how are you" to others unless it's meaningful. I sort of distaste in simple talk and greetings as in I don't like those talks to take too long. Texting and IM'ing are about the same for me, so I'm the type of person who'd rather talk about an issue than a simple "how's life" question, because I can really BS those answers, lol.

However, in real life conversations, those questions actually humor me more because I can see what kind of emphasis a person would say into those kinds of greetings. Thus, I can create a longer conversation by the visual cues around the conversation. Things like these are hard to pull through in just regular text-based chats thus I can understand why you aren't able to talk for a long time.

Seeing that you love to do multiple things at once, I'm guessing you're a type of person who wants his mental activity constant so that it sparks interest in your perception. Possibly, the ones who aren't involved in your mental actives may bore you or can create a dead end conversation because basically you don't know where to pull that conversation towards.

If you don't know where to pull a conversation, I simply just say that I would be busy at the moment or create some sort of excuse without trying to say to them that they're boring me, lol. If you want to extend a conversation, talk about issues and events around you or simply just talk about food, haha. Everyone can relate to the most essential things in life
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Last edited by k0n; 01-07-2010 at 06:44 PM.
 
01-10-2010   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ameh

This leads onto a bigger problem. All of that makes me want to just "go AFK" and do other things,

Advice? O.o
You answered your own question.
Protip: go afk, go outside.
 
01-10-2010   #14 (permalink)
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01-10-2010   #15 (permalink)
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I'm actually a quiet person around most people. With my very close friends, I feel like I can be loud and hyperactive without having to worry about anything. Whenever I log in msn, there's only a few people I can only handle talking to, a lot of people will be talking to me, but it's not like we are actually having a conversation.
It mostly ends up becoming like this:
Them: Heyy.
Me: Hey! Whats up?
Them: Nothing much, bored, you?
Me: x-X Same, I don't know what to do.
Them: lol
..... Conversation has ended.
I guess it's normal for things like that to happen. I only go on MSN to talk to certain people. I for one, can't think of a conversation, it's pretty hard. With my friends, it's usually starting off with a topic they will get interested in. With other people, even if you strike up a conversation, they will end it pretty fast. x_x
A new school has been built, and a lot of my friends went there. I go on msn to catch up with them, that's pretty much it. Other then that, I don't really have decent conversations with the majority of my contact list.
Although, also in real life, I can't really strike up a conversation, it's usually other people doing it for me.
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01-10-2010   #16 (permalink)
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I'm kinda like this..Usually I'll be in a good conversation(With only a certain few people that this happens to), and I start listening to music/watch tv/playing games and ignore them, then they get pissed off at me. >_> I used to be able to talk to alot of people all at once, but lately I can only talk to one person, unless it's in a group chat kind of thing (Like guild chat in TO), but one on one is getting harder to continue talking to the person without getting into something else. It's not that I lose interest, it's just that I get into something else more. @@;
 
01-11-2010   #17 (permalink)
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I think the weakness is inherent in the medium itself. I highly doubt that IM, on its own, was meant as a sole vehicle of relationship-formation. It has too many limitations.

For the life of me, I also don't know how people can juggle 10 IM conversations, much less get some work done. If the conversation topic is deep or serious, it's even harder. For those situations, I prefer to focus on just 1 or 2 IM windows. And then I follow that with a phone call or a night out drinking designer latte.

I don't think you should feel bad about it. It's easier to form people-to-people connections IRL anyway, even in a group environment. IM, for me, is just a supplement.
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