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12-04-2013   #1 (permalink)
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Default Females don't really like me.

Weird Topic Title, but I need to the feedback.

I never really had a close female friend growing up. I only knew one or two girls in my class but it always seems like, every girl thinks I'm weird or gross. I don't think I'm naturally pretty like everyone else, or like the same things. My interests are more towards the quirky, gender neutral kind of things. Playing in the dirt, looking at bugs, watch cartoons all the freaking time. (I don't think I'm making much sense)

Later on, I get into anime and games, but more so anime. Majority of my school doesn't know what the heck is anime, and is probably watching some show like Glee or Big Bang Theory. And during my time going through school, I didn't have the greatest fashion sense. Partially my family is poor and we can't afford the nicest clothes, and my mom's a big tomboy. I feel kind of judged because I don't wear skinny jeans, boots, or the occasional skirt/dress. I wasn't that smart either, and had to take up RSP for the rest of my time in high school.

I made friends with mostly guys, but even guys thinks I'm weird too. They tolerate me more than girls though. Honestly, I just wish I can find or befriend with another female that shares my quirkyness, my love for anime and Japanese culture, and maybe a bit of fashion.

Don't get me wrong, I tried plenty of times to chat and talk with others, but no one seem to connect. I just don't know what to do.

(Sorry if there's some confusion or missing info, this is off the top of my head)
 
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12-04-2013   #2 (permalink)
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I remember in high school, our school had a Japanese (or maybe it was Anime) Club for those interested in Japanese cultures. You should probably find something similar to that. Majority of them will most likely share the same interest as you. I knew quite a few people (both male and female) who were in that club and they actually check off a lot of the things in your post.

The same goes for when you go to college. Lots of individual clubs and groups that are bound to fit what you like. It's just all about finding what groups fit your criteria.
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12-05-2013   #3 (permalink)
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I did try to attend the Japan Club at my college but I haven't found the time to continue my attendance. I still felt a bit awkward and most guys spoke to me. I have enough guy friends as it is. I don't know how else I can make myself likeable and approachable. Most girly stuff I do is dye my hair, paint my nails and read shoujo stuff.
 
12-05-2013   #4 (permalink)
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I'm just going to take this for granted and assume it's the same for guys and girls:

Most of the friends I've made were in a class with me. Sometimes, all it takes is just a little nudge and a question like, "Do you get this?" or "What was our homework again?" Stuff like that. Just make small talk every once in a while, and, eventually, you could ask them if you want to study together sometime. Then, you start to get to know each other more and then you ask them if they want to hang out sometime (because, hopefully by then, you two have something in common). Even if you don't, you could find some kind of common ground.

At least, that's how it's played out so far with me.
 
12-05-2013   #5 (permalink)
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Its like Harvest Moon all over!

I can try that again when I retake my Japanese class. Though, I usually understand the content in lectures, but worth a shot I guess. I feel like I'm mostly gender neutral, and I also take friendship seriously. Like, I'm not going to add or keep someone on my list if I only spoken to them once. And half the time, people ignore me.

I like guys and having guy friends, but I'm happy with the amount I got. Plus, I have a boyfriend so I feel really anxious when a guy comes up and talk to me.

(Yeah, full of excuses I am)

Last edited by Remmy; 12-05-2013 at 08:16 AM.
 
12-05-2013   #6 (permalink)
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Wow, I did not think about it like that... The Harvest Moon analogy makes sense, though -3-

If you don't want to make guy friends, you could just not talk to them and focus on making girl friends. I mean, if they ask a question or something, you respond, but you don't have to invest time in getting close to them.

And it's a great characteristic that you take friendships seriously (they should be taken seriously), but you can't really be friends until you talk to them. Sure, not everyone's going to talk to you, but just be friendly and say hello every so often when you see them. Eventually, people start warming up to you when they see that you're friendly.

Source: My dorm life.
 
12-05-2013   #7 (permalink)
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You're not really missing out on anything.

You should focus more on schoolwork and finding some good true friends regardless of who they are. Nothing wrong with a good group of guy friends and not many girl friends.
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12-05-2013   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loreli
You're not really missing out on anything.

You should focus more on schoolwork and finding some good true friends regardless of who they are. Nothing wrong with a good group of guy friends and not many girl friends.
Oh, I'm pretty good with my schoolwork. I am pretty focused when it comes to lectures and class notes, (Which is why I'm probably so quiet...)

Back in high school, I hung out with a group of people, mostly consisting of girls, but I didn't really share the same interests as them, (K-Dramas and stuff >_<). It'll probably take me some time to find a reliable female friend, and I'm currently on the search for a Language-exchange/friend for Japanese.
 
12-08-2013   #9 (permalink)
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Tomboy personalities will often draw attention away from those girly girl types. It's nothing to be concerned about, it's something to be pleased about in my opinion.

Your personality may attract more attention as you get older so I'm told. When you're in university you'll find more groups to enter, but there are sure to be clubs or groups in your community/city as well if you look for them.
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12-10-2013   #10 (permalink)
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So, Basically, Either I toss myself into clubs and not get freaked out by group settings, or embrace my natural personality and try to make friends or wait for someone to be enticed by me. Though, almost every time I find myself in a group setting, I mostly sit there and listen to everyone. When I try to make my voice heard, I get ignored.

I think the whole thing about attracting more people with personalities as you get older kind of thing has to do with the environment. With colleges and unis, there's all sorts of people attending and that means exposure.

Thank you everyone for the help btw, I'm just very bad socially all around.
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12-11-2013   #11 (permalink)
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I wouldn't necessarily just wait for someone to entice you. Nor toss yourself into clubs. Look at expanding your horizon, what other things may interest you that you have not tried? Cooking? (Probably not) Outdoor activities? Yoga? Volunteer work?

I don't think it is that you are bad socially, just you value that friendship, not acquaintances as most people are (but most people call them friends). I can say, I only have maybe 5-6 people I call friends, everyone else are just acquaintances that I get along with. True friends are hard to find.
 
12-14-2013   #12 (permalink)
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My last post sounded derpy hurr.

I realized that there's some sort of common ground in terms of interests and hobbies for people. If that makes any sense... I do know I like watching cartoons, cooking, textile crafting (Such as crocheting, sewing, knitting), reading, and drawing. Knowing how me liking anime and Japanese culture so much can possibility scare people away, I try to be more interested in other stuff. (My old roomies said I'm a real life anime girl. x_x; )

As I mature and grow up, I realize that friends hold more meaning than just someone on your long long "friends' list". But I also think some people I once was friends with don't find me interesting anymore. Best I can do is just be nice and compassionate towards anyone that speaks to me. Or be silly, depending on the situation.

I think I am almost kind of repeating what you are saying Kyttlin n_n;. That's another thing about me, I'm kinda slow sometimes, in terms of processing out information.
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12-16-2013   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Remmy
So, Basically, Either I toss myself into clubs and not get freaked out by group settings, or embrace my natural personality and try to make friends or wait for someone to be enticed by me.
We're the same in this aspect; we both dislike large social conventions.
That doesn't mean your personality isn't great or that it'll be hard to really find people to be friends with.


Start smaller. Maybe there's people in one of your classes who are also into the same thing(s) you're into. Maybe you end up being paired for group work, or they need a last-minute partner, or there's an exam coming up you need to cram for and think having a small study group would be good. That's pretty much how I make good friends.

In a smaller setting, it's a lot easier to talk to people for me. I'm part of my campus' ASCE (American Society of Civil Engineers), and there's like at least 50 people who attend the meetings every month. I only go to a small handful of them, and usually just sit in the corner and talk with some people I already know from classes. But then those people are usually a lot more social and vocal within the club, so they have a few friends to come by to talk to them and consequently have a short conversation with me if something in common occurs (a class you've both taken/are taking, a project you're working on, whining about professors, etc.). Then bam -- you just increased your social circle.

Cater to those few people first, and then use them to help you expand your own network.
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