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04-01-2013   #1 (permalink)
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Default Sort of a big relationship issue...

Okay, so I'm dating this guy named Bobby. I don't really feel like going into our history or anything, but I'm having a really big issue with him right now. Basically, I ended up breaking his trust. Badly.

This started off because Bobby wanted me not to tell a select person about our relationship, who's name is Jesse. Which I agreed to, I didn't mind. The reason for this is because Jesse likes to flirt with me a fair bit, and he's been too involved with our relationship in the past. So, yeah. Didn't want to tell him. Anyways, I was talking to Jesse yesterday, ranting about a friend who was giving me crap for being in a relationship with Bobby. So I'm sitting here ranting, and Jesse still doesn't know who I'm dating. I typed something, and I wasn't thinking under my stress and frustration and let Bobby's name slip. We're using Skype, so I can edit messages. I attempt to edit out Bobby's name as quickly as possible, but it didn't work. Jesse ended up seeing the name. So, I ****ed up. I know Bobby is going to be pissed off at me.

Well, a few minutes ago, I figured out why he's -really- mad at me. What I really did wrong is that I didn't shut up. I kept telling him that he would be mad at me for letting it slip and just kept apologizing that I couldn't tell him why he wasn't supposed to know and crap. I honestly just should have shut up when I let the name slip and it wouldn't be this horrible. I hope, anyways.

So, the issue now is that... Bobby barely wants to speak to me. This is horrible, because... we were just doing perfectly. We were constantly talking and being really happy and really trusting to each other. He doesn't even want to talk to me. He was going to drive 19 hours to come and pick me up to take me back home with him, but he won't do that now. He doesn't know if he can ever trust me for a while, if ever again. He thinks that I've just been trying to fool him all this time. I just... I don't know what to do.


I talked to my mom and she has trust issues, but she got past them. I mentioned the entire situation to her and she helped me a little. She asked me a series of questions, which I will put in this spoiler box:

Spoiler!


Then she told me that he should accept that it was a mistake, but he doesn't. He doesn't think I messed up. He just thinks I want to hurt him or something, maybe? I'm not sure. I guess it's because I kept rambling to Jesse after my initial slip up that made him think this way. But my mom thinks that he really should accept that I made an honest to god mistake. She thinks that he'll forgive me, but would probably test me to see if I slip up again, which I would be fine with.


One last thing: I really love Bobby. We've had our bumps over the past three years. Dating on and off. Working through our issues. We were finally perfect, and I messed it up.

So... what do I do? I really need some advice here. I know my mom made me feel a little bit better, but I still need advice. And, no. Breaking up with him or something like that isn't an option. So, yeah. Advice, please.
 
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04-01-2013   #2 (permalink)
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He's doing all that just because you accidentally told someone? That's really strange and definitely not the kind of behavior I'd like to have in a boyfriend. :/ Honestly I don't know if there's much you can do besides reassure him that you love him and aren't doing it to cause any hurt.

If he continues to not believe you, then... well, that's his loss.
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04-01-2013   #3 (permalink)
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That's what I was thinking. To just reassure him of how much I love him and that I would never, ever, ever intentionally hurt him, under any circumstances. I really wish he believed me, though. This is ruining such a great thing for us. Blagh.
 
04-01-2013   #4 (permalink)
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Not much of a foundation for a relationship if he's being immature over what should be insignificant, and is rather stupid.
You deserve better than that.
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04-01-2013   #5 (permalink)
You're my prince... =)
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Yeah, I know it doesn't matter. But I guess it matters to him.

I think why it really matters is because he didn't want Jesse trying to interfere with our relationship and have Jesse create a bunch of drama, which neither me nor Bobby needs. But...

Bobby said himself that he wanted to keep it a secret from Jesse (and only Jesse, for the record. Anyone else could know.) for a few days. It had been a week since we had been dating, so I didn't figure it would have been that big of a deal. That, and it couldn't be kept a secret from him forever.
 
04-01-2013   #6 (permalink)
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Looking at the bigger picture here, if he's giving you the silent treatment over something minor which is very immature in itself, then you'd have to wonder what he'd do if something major did turn up.

Because relationships are all lolipops and rainbows until you start taking things seriously and start to live together. That's when all the responsibilities of life pound on both of you constantly and makes for a lot of stress and drama, especially since maturity is highly demanded to tackle all the shit that comes up.

If he's young then he has time to do some growing up, but if he's in his 20's then life's going to be a ***** for him.
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