Lately I've just stopped giving a shit about everything. I don't really know what to think of it. I've given up trying to deal with my depression and anxiety and given up letting it affect my life. I've just pretty much been existing..No opinions, no feelings, nothing. I haven't eaten anything in three days, not for any reason, I just haven't been hungry for anything at all. I also haven't slept in three days..I just haven't been tired..I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. I haven't given up with life but I have no motivation to do anything.
I really just feel like an empty shell of a human being. I'm just so confused and so lost, I don't know what to do or think anymore. I don't know who to go to or if there's even anyone who I need to see. I don't really understand anything anymore.. I feel like not a single person on this planet wants anything to do with me, but I really don't want anything to do with anyone either..I don't know what I want.
Perhaps I just really want someone who understands, but I don't think that's possible because I can't say even I understand what I'm going through. I feel like I've lost myself, and I really don't see a point in anything anymore.
Maybe it's my experiences with heavy drug use but I haven't really done anything to endanger my mental or physically health. I've been relatively responsible for the most part. I just don't know. There really isn't any point in this post. I guess I just felt like I needed to get something out, even though when I look it over it doesn't seem like anything at all.
Hm. Sometimes I just want something exciting to happen in my life. Although I seek out such experiences nothing ever seems good enough. Nothing seems to satisfy my needs anymore, even though I have so much to be happy about. I really just don't know or understand what's happening with my life anymore.
Well. That is all. May you have a good evening.
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Swallow your pride, because silence is golden, and I wouldn't pay a penny to hear your thoughts.
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You need professional help, according to what you wrote here.
I've sought out professional help, because I realize something is wrong with my mentality, I know I'm not in a good state of being and that something needs to change. But all I can say is that after seeing many "professionals" their "help" has been little more than useless. None of them tell me anything I don't already know, it's like sitting there listening to someone read your mind. Anything they may have offered to assist me is something I could have done or have tried on my own. Except medication, of course. But I've yet to find a medication that affects my way of thinking in the slightest, after trying many different kinds for extended periods of time.
This is why I'm so confused. It seems like nothing is wrong, although I know something is very wrong because my behavior and mentality has changed so drastically I know it isn't normal. I find it kind of ironic, really. How aware I am of minute changes in my life and environment but yet I can't even determine what's wrong with me.
I've read your message, Sunniiee. I have things to attend to very shortly but I'll respond when I have the time. Also, thank you.
__________________
Swallow your pride, because silence is golden, and I wouldn't pay a penny to hear your thoughts.
Perhaps I just really want someone who understands, but I don't think that's possible because I can't say even I understand what I'm going through. I feel like I've lost myself, and I really don't see a point in anything anymore.
You are posting because you believe that you have a problem and are hoping to find someone who may help you. Possibly someone who has been through the same thing but has found their way into success. You probably also feel more comfortable saying it out loud to people who are far far away and will not stare at you in some judging manner after you tell them something very personal.
Do you feel like you have wasted amounts of time?
Have you got some goals to motivate you?
I do not think I can really say anything to help, however noticing your flaws is the first step to fixing them.
I think you may want to try things that do not seem like obvious solutions. And if you need a goal lr something to drive you forward, why not make it 'to make myself feel like I have a purpose again'?
I'm not sure if this will help the slightest since professional help doesn't even affect you, but it's worth a try.
Spoiler!
you want something exciting to happen in your life, and you've tried, right?
But what've you tried? Skydiving? Swimming with sharks? Jump across hoops of fire?
Alright, maybe something not as life threatening as that, but just something new. Maybe you can find your passion if you haven't yet. Cooking? Inventing? Drawing?
Maybe you need to just talk with some people. I mean, you already took the first step by posting this thread, no?
Despite you saying you don't want to do anything with anyone, I'd recommend it. Just because you're not having the feeling to communicate with anybody does not mean it won't help you. They could help to fill that empty void you're feeling. I don't know. To me, they help. A lot.
Do you think medication will help? I'm biased toward this because I was raised to never take it, but if meds for mental illnesses has worked for you in the past disregard this and the rest of this paragraph.
Why take them? The chemicals alter the mind or make you sleep or make you feel okay or whatever, but only for a short amount of time. Medication won't make you go out and change your life, it won't make you permanently happy unless they work and you take them every single day. And if that's the case, it's pretty much just fake happiness.
Then again I do not know if it works for you or if it you really do want to use them.
I don't feel like I'm helping. Chances are, you've already heard all of this already so I apologize if I've just repeated everything someone else told you. I'll just leave you with this: You really need to try and fix this. As cheesy as it sounds, don't give up and keep trying your best. If you don't try to fix anything, nothing will get better.
You probably also feel more comfortable saying it out loud to people who are far far away and will not stare at you in some judging manner after you tell them something very personal.
Do you feel like you have wasted amounts of time?
Have you got some goals to motivate you?
I do not think I can really say anything to help, however noticing your flaws is the first step to fixing them.
I think you may want to try things that do not seem like obvious solutions. And if you need a goal lr something to drive you forward, why not make it 'to make myself feel like I have a purpose again'?
I do feel more comfortable talking about it with people who are like on this forum, for the very reason that you stated. Also I guess the thread did have a point, although while writing it I didn't have any goal in mind. I see how there clearly is one though.
No amount of time that I've lived feels wasted. I have a very different perception of time than most people, I think time is never "wasted" because no matter what you are doing or what your ambitions are, time goes on without you. It is but a measurement of happening, and until there is no longer being, time is not being wasted. This is just what I think, my thoughts might be very diluted or unrealistic but it is what I think nonetheless.
Also, I don't have any goals to motivate me. After thinking more about what you, sunniiee, and math have said I've realized that this is the problem. I agree with you, Gemini, that pills can not produce genuine happiness. I've found that out myself, and have given up relying on such methods to be who I want to be. Even though I may have severe chronic depression and issues with anxiety, I think there may be other ways to overcome those issues. I've tried to "fix" myself for so long by focusing on curing my depression and anxiety through medication and/or therapy but I think I may just need to focus on bettering my life one step at a time through different ways.
Even though I may have very little feeling towards many things in my current state, I think what I need to do is just try a few new things with my life. Talk to new people, give them a chance. Try out some new hobbies. I want change, I've looked for change, but I suppose even though I haven't found the change I want I must keep looking. I need to find something to motivate me..That is a goal, and there is a point to it. It makes me happy that I've at least found somethingI can focus on. Now I just need to try harder, I guess. I really don't like putting in a lot of effort to get what I want, but I suppose that's the most realistic thing to do and I need to do more of it.
I'm going to take myself on a journey to find something to motivate me to live and enjoy life. I thank all of you for helping me take this small step to happiness. I may feel empty now..but I'm sure I can find something to fill that void. The least I can do is try. For myself and for those who care about me.
It sounds really simple, really. I'm surprised I couldn't have come up with a solution like this myself. I guess that's what depression really does to me. I fail to see the really simple, beautiful things in life. I fail to appreciate because my mind is so clouded. It isn't even a solution. More like a hypothesis. But I'm determined to try and find something..Thanks again, all of you. You may think you've done very little bit it's all helpful insight and I appreciate your trying to assist me with my problem.
__________________
Swallow your pride, because silence is golden, and I wouldn't pay a penny to hear your thoughts.
Last edited by TsveTokSmirTi; 12-28-2012 at 04:58 PM.
Believe me when I say that I know what you are going through. I haven't used any drugs myself, but due to my anxieties and mental disabilities, I often feel alone in the world and feel that time is constantly against me (for the people that know me personally, know I am quite obsessed with time). Life isn't exactly pointless, it is just that life becomes pointless to each individual after death; though your actions may still have an effect on the people still alive, the time you spent on the earth while living won't matter to you.
If you really don't care for yourself that much, and can't bring yourself to care, care more about the people you care about instead. Rather than doing things for yourself, do things that benefit other people more. There will always be somebody that cares for you in at least some way, especially if you have real close personal friends. Even if it is a stranger, just saying 'hi' or hearing somebody out that has had a tough day can make it better for them.
Believe me when I say that I know what you are going through. I haven't used any drugs myself, but due to my anxieties and mental disabilities, I often feel alone in the world and feel that time is constantly against me (for the people that know me personally, know I am quite obsessed with time). Life isn't exactly pointless, it is just that life becomes pointless to each individual after death; though your actions may still have an effect on the people still alive, the time you spent on the earth while living won't matter to you.
If you really don't care for yourself that much, and can't bring yourself to care, care more about the people you care about instead. Rather than doing things for yourself, do things that benefit other people more. There will always be somebody that cares for you in at least some way, especially if you have real close personal friends. Even if it is a stranger, just saying 'hi' or hearing somebody out that has had a tough day can make it better for them.
I know exactly what you mean. The level of apathy can be quite overwhelming in it's own sense. I see where you're coming from in the second paragraph. I've noticed that finding interests in other people or doing good things for friends is always nice. You feel as if you're more useful by doing so, I think.
I also feel like time is constantly against me. Almost like I'm constantly experiencing bad karma, in other words. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist in time. As in the very happening and continuation of things. Like I'm asleep in this imaginary world. I can't really describe it. But that's all about your perspective and how you see things. I've learned that any one concept can go through great change when you simply alter your perspective on it.
It's good that drugs haven't become a part of your life. It's its own world, really. They can also have a great negative impact on one who has a mental illness. Honestly I believe they can even do someone good, as I have had many good and spiritually enlightening experiences with drugs. But that's an irrelevant topic lol.
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Swallow your pride, because silence is golden, and I wouldn't pay a penny to hear your thoughts.
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