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11-05-2012   #1 (permalink)
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Default I don't know how to deal with this guy anymore.

I've met this guy 5 years ago and i've been his friend, fallen in love with him, got dumped by him, rebecame friends and then he ended our friendship and now he's said he "forgives me for it" and if i don't want us to be friends anymore, it'll be my choice.

He's never said sorry even once even though he's screwed me over far more than once.

The first time he actually screwed me over is last year during summer, i had just dropped out of law school due to bad grades (i just couldn't understand the logic behind our legal codes, and i know i should've studied more) and i was in a long distance relationship with him for about three months. During the time i dropped out i felt that i atleast had him, we'd call each other pet names and so on, have met each other, but on one day he'd just started saying we were through, actually, he said we were never a thing, that it was all in my head (though i can't find a reason for him to kiss me if he didn't feel anything for me). I felt betrayed by him and decided to cut him out of my life so i'd have time to grief.

It took me a year to get over it and when i talked to him once he said that he was coming to live in my city for school, which was the first time i'd heard him even considering it, since he'd always wanted to go to another city to get into architecture. On the spot i decided to let things go, even though in his eyes "i raged and stopped talking to him for an entire year" and he did say that often. When he came to register he came one day early and had to go back the same day, i went the second day and registered him for school. After he moved here we became friends with benefits. We've had several fights, because i've had personal issues i was dealing with and all he'd do would be to act selfish and only look out for himself instead of being there for me (example: i had found out my aunt was giving pills to my grandfather to get him sick, i had just played a game of LoL with the guy, he was supporting me while i was playing ad carry and he wouldn't stop stealing farm, i tried to explain to him why he was hurting the team and his comebacks were "it's cause you suck at farming" so i stopped talking to him for a day befor things escalated more, his reaction the next day was that he was already used to me "raging and not talking to him").

Last week he randomly said that he was bored and lonely, 5 minutes later he told me that he was thinking about coming out of the closet, i immediately told him not to, as i know people in the university and in the city who irrationally hate gays but he just shrugged off everything i said. In the end i told him that if he'd try to come out of the closet i'd end things with him because i don't want to see him destroying himself, he just saw that as if i would be ashamed to be seen as the guy talking to the gay boy. He'd ended up talking less and less to me and we played a LoL game together where he was acting like his "know-it-all" self, even though he was dragging the team down badly(running off commando trying to backdoor as leblanc while were losing an inhibitor), a teammate started cursing him, his comeback was that our team didn't even have a carry either, i told him i was the carry (i was playing fiora) and he said i wasn't a carry but a duelist, i kept giving him reasons why he was wrong but he shrugged that off as well. After the game he said that he thanks me for all i'd done for him (registering him for school and going out of my way to find him a place to stay), said i was an ******* and said goodbye.

Now he's texted me saying:
Quote:
Listen...I'm sorry for what I said yesterday...i can't do this...it just isn't me,never have i broke a friendship with a friend because i want so.....so starting from now i forgive you and i'll be friend with you..if you still want to ... But doesn't matter if you still want or not at least now i know its not my fault anymore if we're not friends
I honestly felt happy with him even though we had small fights here and there but after this i don't feel like i should talk to him ever again.
 
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11-05-2012   #2 (permalink)
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Some people are random in the bad way >_> this reminds me of a friend of mine who got mad at me once, told me to "mind my own business" or else she would end our friendship, she didn't talk to me anymore already, and kept me out of group works. I really don't know exactly why she did it (I didn't act creepy or say/do anything to hurt her), but I still said sorry and sat somewhere else in the classroom. We didn't talk for at least a month, she started to get very worried, she would even yell to get my attention when I was listening to music before the classes.
Now we're friends again, BUT she never said sorry or anything else about what happened. It makes me feel bad sometimes, I try to understand it but I can't see any kind of logic in it.
Somehow I know she won't do it again, since I'm pretty much the only one she can count on for group work without getting stressed. If you feel like he will do the same things if you're still friends, then I don't see any good reason to stay friends.
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Last edited by NiBo; 11-05-2012 at 07:56 AM.
 
11-09-2012   #3 (permalink)
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Default

I had a friend in high school who I was in love with, ironically.. also gay. and I'm a girl.. so.. problem. xD

But we were friends and we had a fight here or there over stupid stuff (usually technicalities or whatever).. It got to the point where he was using me for stuff, like he'd come over to my house, eat something, then go home. Claiming he had "no money for food" yet hed buy all these expensive video games n stuff.....

The last few months we hung out, he came over ALL THE FLIPPING TIME. I was in College algebra, which is the only class i never got a 4.0 in (got a 2.5 >_<) So I was studying like 24/7.. and he wanted me to stop studying and hang out with him all the time. He critized me for being on the phone with guys while i was studying.....

He decided to come out of the closet the day before my algebra final exam. Im terrible at algebra... He wanted me to come over and hang out, which, I couldnt, as I was cramming. Its either loose 500$ and a whole year of torture and pain from the algebra, or go over there to hold his hand.

He was all emo cuz he didnt have a bf and whatnot and all that, and we talked online and stuff, and he seemed okay..

I duno, he just started being mean and if i didnt bow down and do whatever he wanted to do and tell him what he wanted to hear, he'd get upset.

He dropped out of high school 1/2 way through his senior year (what a dumb thing to do..) and wouldnt admit it...

we made a joke once about it, he flipped out and left..

He just started Flippin out over EVERYTHING...

I was upset nearly every day cuz of him.... Eventually he told me that I was living in a fantasy world (trickster) and that i needed to get out of it and get into the real world.

I was going to college. I graduated high school. I had an interview for walmart.

He didnt go to college. He didnt graduate. He had no job, at all.

So im like, this is ridiculous. He's the one in the fantasy. I cut off all communication with him.. and it hurt. bad. I loved him more than anything.. and it was just.. so hard.

But in the long run, it was for the good. He shaped up, and years later, we started talking again, and everything was okay for awhile.

As you may or may not know, I tend to rant... a lot. I do this online becuase i dont have friends IRL.. He saw it on facebook (wasnt related to him) he got upset for no reason, and deleted me (for no reason)...

So we havent talked since then either. So.. he got better, then couldnt handle rants.


I think that if someone needs to vent, they need to vent... and if you dont like it, ignore it. Cuz when people bottle emotions up, thats when they snap and you know.. shoot eachother. (My co-worker was a really happy guy, amazing worker.... when one day he randomly shot another coworker and her kid.. then killed himself.. cuz he was all bottled up :/)

So i guess it was better in the long run to just move on with my life. Oneof those sayings, you know "If you cant handle me when im at my lowest, you dont deserve me when Im at my best"

*shrug*

If i were you, id just move on with my life. youll be happier in the long run, even if it hurts really bad right now.
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11-09-2012   #4 (permalink)
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Well, I don't know know why you deal with this guy anymore. I can tell you how to though. Just like what NiBo and Cait stated above, you should simply move on. There is no need to be in any kind of friendship/relationship/acquaintances with this guy anymore. All he's done is hurt you and not even apologize for it, in fact, he's actually blaming you for it and then forgiving you? What the ****? Someone knock this guy off his high horse.

However, that being said, moving on is not easy. In fact, it may be extremely difficult, I'm not sure how you feel about that though (if you have any emotional attachment to him still, that is). I suggest finding new friends, new hobbies, learn new skills, do things that improve your self-esteem, do things that make you happy and distract you from this guy.

Hope this helps.
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