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03-20-2012   #1 (permalink)
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Default Two Friends Fighting.. But who's "right"?

I was recently exposed to a rather upsetting situation, and now two of my closest friends are in a silly (to me) argument. I want to know, in your opinions, just who is at fault for what. I think both A and B have said some harsh things, but since I’m involved, I can’t help but be biased. It’s rather long, but thank you for reading if you do. u_u Person B came to me for help ("advice") but I'm having trouble relieving the tension between them..

(took some names out) (also, might be helpful to know that A and B have been going out for a while)
Before this, Person A and B are in a skype call, with B playing a full screen game. A suddenly ends the call and then this conversation starts. Further down, a separate skype group convo is mentioned, and some League of Legends stuff.
[5:23:55 PM] Person A: ...baka..
[5:25:17 PM] Person B: Sorry, I guess I'm not allowed to be busy
[5:25:26 PM] Person A: its k..
[5:25:32 PM] Person A: u can type in the other chat
[5:25:33 PM] Person A: all you want...
[5:25:43 PM] Person A: ill just do something else...
[5:27:52 PM] Person B: ?
[5:28:08 PM] Person A: nothing
[5:28:19 PM] Person A: my bad u can be busy
[5:28:41 PM] Person A: ill just wait until u stop being busy or something
[5:28:55 PM] Person A: so u can press a button to turn on camera
[5:30:00 PM] Person B: Well I'd lag too.
[5:30:01 PM] Person B: :/
[5:30:08 PM] Person A: ok dont worry about it
[5:30:10 PM] Person B: I went in a game to check on some things
[5:30:12 PM] Person A: u can go
[5:30:17 PM] Person A: and chat
[5:30:20 PM] Person A: with the other ppl
[5:30:22 PM] Person A: on skype
[5:30:36 PM] Person B: I'm not doing that
[5:30:38 PM] Person B: :/
[5:30:48 PM] Person A: dont worry about me, i shouldnt be so ignorant
[5:30:54 PM] Person A: or what u are currently doing
[5:31:02 PM] Person A: i should just know, and understand
[5:31:18 PM] Person A: ill change, sorry
[5:31:23 PM] Person A: of*
[5:32:39 PM] Person B: I did say I was busy
[5:32:41 PM] Person B: Sorry
[5:33:05 PM] Person B: You didn't ask so I didn't think to mention it.
[5:33:09 PM] Person A: yea you were busy, dont worry about it
[5:33:30 PM] Person A: i dont know or understand anything, ill try to figure stuff out on my own..
[5:34:41 PM] Person B: I could say the same. :/
[5:34:48 PM] Person B: You didn't ask so i didn't say.
[5:34:59 PM] Person A: k sorry
[5:35:05 PM] Person A: i didnt say turn on camera please
[5:35:15 PM] Person B: I don't always have verbal diarrhea
[5:35:25 PM] Person A: and i didnt turn mine on to imply that
[5:35:35 PM] Person A: while u were chatting away on the other chat
[5:35:41 PM] Person A: gomen...
[5:36:03 PM] Person B: I didn't want to turn the camera on though
[5:36:20 PM] Person A: sorry, i didnt read your mind
[5:36:40 PM] Person B: Like i said, my bad.
[5:36:45 PM] Person A: Ill leave you alone now
[5:36:53 PM] Person B: I was just going in game and then leave
[5:36:54 PM] Person A: because ull get mad at me over something again
[5:37:01 PM] Person B: But I didn't think you'd get so upset over it.
[5:37:09 PM] Person B: No, you're the mad one now.
[5:37:24 PM] Person A: Im not mad, just sad
[5:37:27 PM] Person B: I acknowledge that I should have been more specific than "I'm busy"
[5:37:39 PM] Person B: Though, if you said that to me, I'd just accept your answer
[5:37:57 PM] Person A: thats only if
[5:38:01 PM] Person A: i dont say that
[5:38:19 PM] Person B: It happened today on text already
[5:38:31 PM] Person B: When I qq'd about why you didn't reply, you said you were busy, so I said ok.
[5:38:35 PM] Person A: i told u afterwards
[5:38:37 PM] Person A: in the middle
[5:38:39 PM] Person A: of doing it
[5:38:46 PM] Person A: ring...
[5:38:59 PM] Person B: But you realized yourself that I was busy
[5:39:05 PM] Person B: I heard you say, "Oh ----- is busy"
[5:39:18 PM] Person B: I thought you knew, so I didn't say it again.
[5:39:18 PM] Person A: i assumed that... yes
[5:39:32 PM] Person A: ok
[5:39:35 PM] Person A: my fault
[5:40:00 PM] Person A: ill just take your word for it and not expect much
[5:40:20 PM] Person A: im not used to that, because i dont do that unless theres a reason behind it
[5:40:29 PM] Person A: good reason
[5:40:37 PM] Person A: sorry
[5:40:41 PM] Person B: I'm not used to giving out details unless people ask for it
[5:40:48 PM] Person A: u can go and do whatever u feel like
[5:40:51 PM] Person A: doing
[5:41:09 PM] Person B: It's not obvious to me, at least not as obvious as it is to you.
[5:41:26 PM] Person A: sorry, i feel a sense of de ja vu
[5:41:28 PM] Person B: w/e, I've been done with what I was doing for a while now, but I guess you don't want to talk to me anymore.
[5:41:30 PM] Person A: maybe its just me
[5:41:55 PM] Person A: maybe this is the first time it has happened...
[5:41:57 PM] Person A: doesnt matter
[5:42:47 PM] Person B: No, this has happened before
[5:43:15 PM] Person B: You got upset at me once because I just said that I was busy, without telling you exactly what I was doing
[5:43:32 PM] Person B: And I said that you didn't ask, so i didn't think to tell
[5:43:43 PM] Person A: ok.. sorry
[5:43:44 PM] Person B: It's just how I am, especially when I'm distracted
[5:43:50 PM] Person A: i wont do it again...
[5:43:52 PM] Person B: I don't have the brainpower for that.
[5:44:00 PM] Person A: lets not argue anymore
[5:44:02 PM] Person A: hf with lulu
[5:44:24 PM] Person A: and skype friends
[5:45:06 PM] Person A: because they occupy all of your brainpower
[5:45:52 PM] Person B: I'm not having fun with Lulu
[5:45:57 PM] Person B: I am not even on League
[5:46:14 PM] Person B: And I only typed like 5 lines in the other chat after the whole "turn camera on" fiasco
[5:46:21 PM] Person B: If you ask me, you're being a bit unfair.
[5:46:32 PM] Person A: sorry...
[5:46:43 PM] Person B: I don't know if you're disappointed or jealous, but whatever it is, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop accusing me.
[5:46:55 PM] Person A: ok
[5:47:08 PM] Person A: ill stop doing whatever it is that i am doing
[5:47:52 PM] Person A: i wont feel ignored anymore, or sad that u take the time to reply to them but dont tell me anything about whats going on
[5:48:29 PM] Person A: and ill try to listen harder, because i didnt hear you say I'm busy at all tbh...
[5:48:54 PM] Person A: so ill just stop that...can i go back to my reading now..?
[5:49:31 PM] Person B: I said I was busy
[5:49:33 PM] Person A: its not fun to argue if one side has already given up, right...
[5:49:41 PM] Person B: I looked at our chat and you had the pouty face on
[5:49:49 PM] Person B: But I giggled and said, sorry I was busy, i didn't notice
[5:50:09 PM] Person B: But you're so upset that you can't see things clearly at all.
[5:50:17 PM] Person A: ok....
[5:50:22 PM] Person A: im sorry
[5:50:23 PM] Person B: I'm just gonna leave and let you cool off
[5:50:29 PM] Person B: Let me know when you feel better
[5:50:35 PM] Person A: ok....i guess ill go
[5:50:36 PM] Person B: My prescence doesn't seem to be helpful at all.
[5:50:41 PM] Person A: and do the cooling off
[5:50:47 PM] Person A: that doesnt exist
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Last edited by RaineScarlet; 03-20-2012 at 04:09 PM.
 
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03-20-2012   #2 (permalink)
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Are Person A and B together in a relationship or does one of them like the other?

This is just a case of jealousy and attention-seeking.
Person A is trying to guilt person B for 'ignoring' person A, but guess what? People have other things in their lives that don't revolve around just one person.

Person A just needs to get over the fact that Person B has friends.

For the record, I've been there. I've been in positions of both A and B. Being overly-needy is not a good thing.

Based solely on the conversation you posted, Person B didn't actually do anything wrong, unless they in the past had done the same thing then they're a hypocrite. Person A just sounds like they just want attention, and they're getting it by making person B feel guilty which isn't healthy in any relationship.


Edit: By the way, your avatar is insanely cute. I'm using it for my msn display picture +_+
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03-20-2012   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
Are Person A and B together in a relationship or does one of them like the other?
Yeah, sorry, I edited it in a while ago. xD They are in a relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
Edit: By the way, your avatar is insanely cute. I'm using it for my msn display picture +_+
Haha, feel free. xD

---

That is what it seems like to me, reading that. B came fuming to me, and then started crying because she got so frustrated at trying to talk to A. That's why I'm biased...
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03-20-2012   #4 (permalink)
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Well, I understand where A is coming from though. He/she wants to talk to B, and they know B is there, but isn't replying to them but is replying to other friends. It feels like, "Why are you ignoring me?" But when you talk to someone you like, 5 seconds seems like 5 minutes for waiting for a reply. It doesn't mean the other person is ignoring you. They have other things to do than focus 100% attention on you.

Person A is really using the wrong method to convey that they aren't happy with being felt ignored. They are just causing person B to feel very guilty. Person A admits they are wrong, and then goes on a tangent about how they should understand, assume, think etc and this is used to get all of Person's B attention, and get Person B to say "no, that's not true" etc.

The only real advice I can give is for them to mature and think about it. I've been in A's position and I've done the same thing... getting jealous that the person I like isn't spending time with me/feels like they're ignoring me but they aren't and then make them feel bad. It's something I'm not proud of, and it comes back from time to time, but it's one of the things that you need to "Ball up and get passed it".

If Person B is intentionally ignoring person A, then Person B is wrong, but like I said before, in this case, it doesn't seem like Person B is trying to ignore A.
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03-20-2012   #5 (permalink)
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In an argument there usually isn't so much of a 'who's right' but who's man enough (or whatever you wanna call it) to apologize and move on with life.
 
03-20-2012   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for the input. :] They've calmed down a bit so disaster averted for now.

If it comes up again, I'll keep these points in mind.
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03-21-2012   #7 (permalink)
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Person A sounds a bit like Eeyore. It doesn't seem to me as much of a problem with patience as it does that Person A just seems to take everything too personally. Person A needs to respect theirself more, then patience will come naturally. Some level of comfort in their relationship may also be lacking if s/he is so easily convinced that they're always at fault for something.
 
03-23-2012   #8 (permalink)
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How I handle situations:

Person A/B is opposite gender of the other:
Enter the situation by "accidentaly" pushing one into the other, causing a kissing moment. Works every time.

Brother and Sister:
Get a friend, keep them isolated for them to heat up, let one of them complain about the other to you. Same with the friend you brought. Once they finish complaining and yelling, slowly send them back into the situation. They'll be calm and forgive each other.

Brother and Brother:
Get them into an isolated area and let them compete against eachother

Sister and Sister:
Lock them in a dark room with no distractions, tell them you won't let them out until they come to an agreement.

Jealous friends:
let them pretend to be the other. Walk in the other person's shoes for a day/week.

Online friends:
Face to Face skype or webcam chat. You be the therapist.

Bully:
this is a complicated method, I believe there's another post on here, I'll post there.
 

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