Society destroyed my self esteem.
I usually keep these things for myself since I hate people tapping my back and crying fake tears as if they cared. But I guess this is a nice place to express my feelings simply because it is the internet.
Well, I consider myself as a very fragile person, always did. I've always wanted people around me, always took care to not make or say anything that would keep people away from me. Whenever I made a mistake and acted stupid, I felt like trash and kept thinking about that and blaming myself for a whole week. It hurts.
Now for the real trouble.
I have a skin problem, you see. Since my 9~10 years old, my face and body are covered with pimples and acne. Since then, me and my family are wasting thousands in medications, creams and others, but it just won't go away.
That contributes even more for me to feel down, because I notice people looking at me like I'm some kind of alien.
You know, the saying that irritates me the most, and that I hear basically everyday, is the following:
"Wow, your skin looks great today!"
I don't want them to say that my skin looks better or worse that day. I just want them to talk to me like they do with their other sick-minded teenager friends.
As much as I hate my society's standards (it's because of it that I'm suffering like this), I want to fit in because I wanna feel like everyone else does.
It's just horrible for a person like me to be excluded from everything because of a skin problem. I know that I could've been accepted even with my problems, but people clearly treat me differently.
And the final results of this whole: I've lost confidence on myself.
I started to see myself like the others see. Like "that dude with the volcanic face" or "that bipedal hedgehog".
Now, most of the times, I exclude myself from the groups because I feel uncomfortable around the others. I just want to disappear.
Anyway, if you read the whole thing, thanks-or-sorry for wasting your time. I just wanted to share this with you all.
Have a nice day~
Have you ever heard of accutane?
People saying that "wow your skin looks great today!" are trying to make boost your confidence, but because they don't know how you feel, it's actually doing the opposite. Unless they are being sarcastic, I think they are trying to have good intentions.
I don't really know what to say since I haven't had much acne before, but I know it can be painful.
Just try to keep your head held high.
While I've never really had much of an acne problem, I can completely understand how you feel here. I got bullied a lot in school, so I never had much confidence in myself either, especially in my physical appearance. I suppose the only difference between you and I in this case is that the root of my problems were in that I believed the bullies over just about anybody else while in your case, you're really not content with how you look because of your acne. Still, I don't think we're that different.
Yume's advice about trying some different treatment for your skin might help. I'm sure there's something out there that will work, but nothing changes overnight. Just be persistant and once you're satisfied with yourself, what other people think won't matter as much to you. That or you could just accept yourself the way you are and ignore the people who are slowly killing off your self-esteem. Which...is very hard to do.
I know how you feel, Ive had problems with acne for years, it comes and goes depending on the time of year. I remember days in highschool when I didnt want to go cause I was breaking out bad, I tried tons of products, either they would cause me to break out more, or they would do nothing. I tried both medication and washes, creams, you name it. I have very sensative skin, and its hard to find things that work well for me.
Now for suggestions:
I know its a well known product and you may have probably tried it already, but have you tried proactiv? A few years ago I had pretty bad acne, and first week I broke out a little more than normal, but I really wanted to like it, I felt like it was the perfect treatment. So I kept trying.
Well, after that week, my skin cleared up, and I barely had any break outs. Also their refining mask is amazing.
Now, since I stopped getting them shipped and its not available in stores, Ive been trying different things, but I have yet to find anything as good so far.
But, for awhile I did use a pretty good combination of Philosophys Purity Made Simple, and a Clarins Exfoliator and one of their Moisturizers I forget the name of.
Lush also has some nice facial products and if you have one of their stores nearby you can usually get free samples, and the workers are always friendly and know exactly what products would help your skin type. I bought this facial night package the first time I went, and it had goodies customized for your skin type, and I believe two friends, but if your friends arent into it, you can of course get extra for yourself.
Just dont give up, youll find something that will work for you.
Hopefully you're still lurking, but anyway I'll mention about accutane anyway.
I don't know too much about it because I've never taken it myself, but my boyfriend has and his cousin is taking it now.
Accutane is basically a last-resort for acne. It's quite effective, but the downside is that there are a lot of side-effects. They prescribe it to you for the most minimal time possible. You can look up the side-effects, but I think accutane is effective if you're willing to try it. I've also seen amazing results on Reddit if you want to search.
There are LOTS of bad side-effects. Depression, cancer, headache, irritation etc, Perhaps ask your doctor about it.
My boyfriend was very lucky and didn't experience any of the side-effects (well, not much anyway) and his cousin seems to be doing fine. Go over in detail with your doctor if you choose to.
Yes, I've been lurking around. Just wanna say that it looks like I shared my personal stuff in the right place. You guys are awesome. :py05:
Well, I started taking this one med a few months ago that is said to be the last resort for acne. Not sure if accutane though. Probably yes, just because it has a different name around here.
Even though I haven't noticed any effects yet, my doctor said that around June~July my skin should be clear.
Just hope she's right.
Simply then going the normal way of providing you a physical answer, I suppose I'll share a bit of my own thoughts, whether you care for them or not.
"One can not judge you unless you see a worth in what they judge you for."
That's a personal quote, one that I made not long ago, and I hope you see what I mean. Is that it? Is your outlooks the only thing shaming you from becoming part of society?
That is rather pitiful. It is true that society has harsh standards when it comes to judging a person physically - but if you're going to be put everything on that one fact, then, well, that's disappointing. You're throwing away what makes you YOU, and adjusting yourself to what the world wants, not what YOU want.
I could go on much further, but I'll probably get flamed anyways for my views.
I can relate to what you're going through. In high school I had severe acne, the type that forms under the skin, all over my face and body. I agree that it's a painful experience both physically and mentally.
I personally suggest that you see your family doctor for solutions or ask them to refer you to a dermatologist. Another thing I'd recommend is that you research not only on how acne forms but also how to care for different skin types. I say this because what might work for someone else, might not work for you due their skin being a combination-dry type and yours being, say, oily-sensitive. By knowing your exact skin type, you can strategically create a cleansing routine with products tailored to your skin.
From what you've mentioned "me and my family are wasting thousands in medications, creams and others, but it just won't go away." I'd be wary of purchasing Proactiv, Clean n' Clear and the like. For one, these over the counter medications are meant mainly for mild cases of acne; which from your story suggests that you have more aggressive acne. Over the counter medications are topical (applied to the skin) creams/gels/astringents that treat acne by exfoliating/drying out the pimple using salicylic acid, sulfur or benzoyl peroxide.
Benzoyl peroxide is the strongest one you can purchase. They come in different concentrations. Proactiv offers the highest concentration of benzoyl peroxide; about 1-2% higher than the amount traditionally found in stores. I often find people with weak acne buying the strongest benzoyl peroxide they can get. But doctors recommend that, as with any medication, you start out with the lowest dose your body can handle and then heighten the dosage as your skin adjusts.
The downside to these medications, aside from being meant for non-severe acne, is that they are meant for long term usage (years) and used as a way to control pimples, not cure acne.
I found success with 3 treatments of Accutane (a concentrated form of vitamin A). Keep in mind that there are generic alternatives to this pill, since "Accutane" is a brand name. (You can save money by buying generic.) 1 treatment lasts 6-8 months and the dosage depends on your weight.
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