I'm afraid, I am a loser
Well I'm at a point in my life where I start to realize that what I do or try to do, won't affect anything in life. I am sure that I'm ambitious (I think), but all my effort — it seems — has been a waste of time. No matter how much time I spend on studying for a test, the results won't be like expected (or rather like I wish them to be). Yes, I'm talking about education and yes, I'm referring to my very own intelligence. I don't have any special good talents or skills.
I always thought, that if I put as much effort as possible, I would make it to my goals. But honestly, I feel like that all my dreams/my plans are slowly crumbling everytime I look at them. I always wanted to give my best 'saving' as many as opportunities as possible. This could be the reason why I fail. I can't specify in things I want to do. I assigned for many courses, maybe too many for my head to handle. Fine, there's an opportunity next year to deselect a few courses. But I'm afraid picking the wrong one. I don't know what I want. I only know what I definitely don't want. If I were me, I'd deselect physics and stay in biology, but if I re-think, I should just stay in physics, it's cheaper than bio and at least I am not scarred of the teacher like in Bio. But I like biology (without my teacher) more and it's actually something I might specify in... or not. I don't know. Does it even matter at all? I'm anyway bad in all subjects. Argh, maybe I just own a low number of braincells... But I don't drink much, smoke or anything near that. How come I'm still that dumb?How come my friends still can handle all this without problems? (just in case: my friends'd fail helping me, i don't understand a thing and they don't understand how I feel as they don't have to struggle like me).*
Somehow I believe that I'll end up as some bad paid book-keeper in some lame company. Is it just me complaining about this? I honestly thought of giving up... But then again, it's not what I want. Maybe I should just become a golddigger... ah take aside the joke.. actually, I'm a loser.
Maybe it's not a good idea publishing this shīt here. It's pathetic, self-pitying myself.. And it's embarassing. And maybe it might be a temporary condition.. though being now unintelligent means to be forever unintelligent... But can anybody tell me what to do? Can you? It would be very appreciated.
Last edited by harmony; 03-03-2012 at 10:50 AM.