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-   -   I'm, apparently, turning/have turned into a completely different person (http://ggftw.com/forum/life-relationships/108094-im-apparently-turning-have-turned-into-completely-different-person.html)

Yumidesu 02-06-2012 10:27 PM

I'm, apparently, turning/have turned into a completely different person
 
Alright, so here's the dilemma.

I'm with this guy named... Joe. Let's call him that. Anyways, I spend a lot of time with Joe, right? I'm the submissive type. I do whatever he wants to do, or wants me to do. I spend pretty much 100% of my time with him. This is a long-distance relationship, by the way. Online and all. Well, see. Before I met him, when I was single, I would play games with a bunch of my friends. Talk to them a bunch. That kind of thing. I mean, I still talk to them. Just not all day, and I don't really Skype with them, as I'm busy Skyping (in a call) with Joe. Well, I asked my friend Myles, who is a good friend of mine. I used to talk to him quite a few hours every day, and call him and talk for a few hours as well. But I've barely talked to him lately. So, I asked him if I did something wrong. He said no. He told me that I've become this completely different person. That I went from spending a bunch of time with my friends and having fun, to being confined to Joe.

Now, this is just me but... I prioritize relationships highly. I find my significant other to be more important than anyone else. Other than my immediate family. So, my significant other is more important than my friends. I see it as they're just selfish or something. It seems like they can't accept that I want to spend so much time with Joe to make him happy. The time I spend with him is tenfold more fun than the time I spend with friends. And I've always saw it as this:

Friends will come and ago. They're friends. But soul mates (for those that you don't believe in that, let's call them really special/important lovers/girlfriends/boyfriends/) are special. There's only one of them. And you need to make sure that they stick around. Like your mom or dad or your life. You only get one. If you lose them, you'll regret it.

That's just me. But... I feel really bad that I've been like this. As much as I want to spend more time with them, I'm just a submissive person who hangs out with Joe pretty much all the time and does whatever he wants to do. But I don't want to lose my friends... :(

What do I do? Am I kinda ****ed? Or can I turn this around?

Aimee 02-07-2012 01:18 AM

Why don't you hang around your friends AND Joe? You can be with someone and have them be your everything and the most important, but still have other people there that you care about. By sectioning off and being alone all the time, if anything did happen between the two of you, you'd have nobody to fall back on, or anywhere to go to find comfort.

Play with your friends, and invite Joe, or do something with Joe and then suggest inviting others along as well; let him get to know the people that like you. You can still have ~alone~ time with him, but don't completely leave your friends behind for him.

Nikeos 02-07-2012 07:27 AM

What Aimee said. Spend more time with your friends. I was in a relationship somewhat similar to yours, decided to spend every single minute of my waking time talking to the guy and seeing him and in the process, I lost people that mattered to me at the time. I regretted it highly. Don't make that mistake.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aimee (Post 1676338)
By sectioning off and being alone all the time, if anything did happen between the two of you, you'd have nobody to fall back on, or anywhere to go to find comfort.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yumidesu (Post 1676297)
Friends will come and ago. They're friends. But soul mates (for those that you don't believe in that, let's call them really special/important lovers/girlfriends/boyfriends/) are special. There's only one of them. And you need to make sure that they stick around. Like your mom or dad or your life. You only get one. If you lose them, you'll regret it.

The same can be said about certain friends as well. Your friends can't break up with you, cheat on you, etc. As my father says, if you die with at least one true friend, you are lucky. In my opinion, if you "have to make sure someone sticks around", they probably aren't worth keeping around. If they care about you too, they'll stick around because they want to, not because you're making sure they do.

Yumidesu 02-07-2012 11:54 AM

Mmm. Yeah. You're right. Thanks guys. :x

Yume 02-07-2012 12:03 PM

Quote:

But I don't want to lose my friends..
Well who cares?
Quote:

Friends will come and ago.
So screw all those 'friends' that spent so much time with you until someone better came into your life. Just forget them, you can make new friends that will understand that you need to spend 100% of your time with your man.

Theosis 02-07-2012 12:34 PM

I don't really see why you need to alienate all your friends when you're talking to him on Skype or whatever it is you guys do.

I have a friend that was basically in the same situation as you. I've known her for about 8 years now. She had met her husband online and would spend basically the whole day talking to each other on AIM (the voice thing on there, no idea what its called). But neither of them would stop talking to their friends while talking to each other.

To this day, they still talk to each other all of the time when they're on at the same time (they're married but still live apart most of the time because he's in the military) but still talk to their friends at the same time. She'll be on Ventrilo at the same time as she's talking to her husband on AIM.

Scathach 02-07-2012 04:20 PM

You should set aside time for your friends too. I mean, everyone needs alone time with their friends or by themselves even, especially if you're in a relationship. Explain to Joe, he'll understand if he loves you enough.

tratout 02-09-2012 09:03 PM

Sounds like your friends miss you. I recommend scheduling time with them once or twice a week. Every relationship, romantic or not, requires some degree of effort.

It goes like this: If you don't talk to them very much, then they'll probably not talk to you very much either. You wouldn't want them to put you into the "come and go" category, would you?

1337 02-10-2012 04:40 AM

Quote:

But soul mates (for those that you don't believe in that, let's call them really special/important lovers/girlfriends/boyfriends/) are special. There's only one of them. And you need to make sure that they stick around. Like your mom or dad or your life. You only get one. If you lose them, you'll regret it.
A better word would be love. Nothing beats that word. Love can be extremely easy (a love u met at like, say, 5 years old) to nearly impossible to find in this life or any life.

Quote:

I'm just a submissive person who hangs out with Joe pretty much all the time and does whatever he wants to do. But I don't want to lose my friends...
Which is better, love or friends? It depends if the friends are just friends. Good friends will never betray u. Remember not all friends are equal, some are good, some are rubbish, u do not want that rubbish Simon Cowell Throws Cell Phones - YouTube (lol Simon Cowell). Love of course comes 1st.. :)

Quote:

He told me that I've become this completely different person.
When he said that, was he negative? An example mean?

Quote:

That I went from spending a bunch of time with my friends and having fun, to being confined to Joe.
Is that imprisonment? Nope... unless he abuses u.. as long both of u are happy, it is fine to spend with him forever.

Harlequin 02-12-2012 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yumidesu (Post 1676297)
Friends will come and go.

See this is what got me. Friends don't have to come and go. You can maintain lifelong friendships pretty easily, as a matter of fact. Even if people move, the technological world is so advanced that you can contact them in a second. Hell, you've been calling your long-distance boyfriend, so you already know how it works.

Cashmerre 05-16-2012 06:55 PM

I would say it's the other way around. Yes, significant others are important, but true friends WILL be there for you. It only takes time before you are over a relationship if you take the right steps in the healing process. As the children's song goes, "Make new friends, but keep the same as old. One is silver and the other is gold." By that I mean, don't replace anyone with anyone. If you two ever happen to go separate ways for whatever reason, friends should be there to fall back on and help you. Don't burn your bridges because you feel the need to give someone 100% of yourself.


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