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11-29-2011   #1 (permalink)
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Default Online dating/Long distance relationships. Why do you do it?

I know it turns out really well for some, but unfortunately some couples don't end well. I've had my own experience and decided that it isn't something for me.
I'm also not criticizing, there's just some things I'm wondering about and wanted to know other people's experience. These are somethings that I've asked myself. Some of them apply to couples who moved away from each other and are still maintaining a relationship.

How old are you?
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
Why did you start this?
What do you expect to come out of this?
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
Have you met them?
How do you plan on meeting them?
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Thought about who would move for the other?
Do parents approve/support it?
Just having fun and someone to flirt with?
Did you have bad luck with finding someone near your area?
Have you tried or just decided yourself that "no one is interested in you" ?

EDIT: added a part to the very last question.

Edit 2: Also, this isn't just about asking questions. You can post whatever you'd like. Brag, complain, anything. Your opinion in general etc. Those were just some questions for consideration.
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Last edited by Yume; 11-29-2011 at 05:30 PM.
 
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11-29-2011   #2 (permalink)
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How old are you?
18
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
Broke up a long time ago.
Why did you start this?
It started as a casual friendship on a game we were playing.
A marriage system had just come out and all my friends in game were getting paired up, so it just came naturally I guess?
What do you expect to come out of this?
Nothing really, it was my first e-relationship so I had no serious intentions.
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)? ---
Have you met them?
Only talked to them through phone once or twice.
How do you plan on meeting them? ---
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)? ---
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Yes.
Thought about who would move for the other? ---
Do parents approve/support it?
I'm not sure, they'll probably be more outraged at the difference of race rather than the relationship.
Just having fun and someone to flirt with?
It was a mixture of both, but I'm not a flirty type of person, just someone who wants an understanding partner.
Did you have bad luck with finding someone near your area?
Nope, not really. I just don't get approached often, which is kind of a good thing. Still a bit scared of a past stalker.
Have you tried or just decided yourself? I don't understand this Q.
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11-29-2011   #3 (permalink)
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How old are you?
I'm 17, he's 18
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
We both want to work in the ICT sector, preferably computer programming etc
Why did you start this?
We didn't start it nor look for it, it just happened.. we hated each other before lolol, I guess it gives the quote "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" a whole different meaning 8D;
What do you expect to come out of this?
Most of the expected has already happened lol, but marriage and living together pls q.q maybe kids :l.. not to keen on that idea LOLZ
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
I think marriage is in the future :3
Have you met them?
Yes
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
Yes
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
No
Thought about who would move for the other?
He's moved to me for now, he's on a student visa and planning to go for the full citizenship soon
Do parents approve/support it?
Yes

Edit: I went along with it for the most part 'cause I'm shy IRL, and I wouldn't have wanted the relationship to start out in any other way, 'cause I got to know him 100% so when it came to IRL I wasn't shy 8D; [I'm UBER shy q.q]
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Last edited by Vixen; 11-29-2011 at 05:31 PM.
 
11-29-2011   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Almora
How old are you?
18
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
Broke up a long time ago.
Why did you start this?
It started as a casual friendship on a game we were playing.
A marriage system had just come out and all my friends in game were getting paired up, so it just came naturally I guess?
What do you expect to come out of this?
Nothing really, it was my first e-relationship so I had no serious intentions.
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)? ---
Have you met them?
Only talked to them through phone once or twice.
How do you plan on meeting them? ---
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)? ---
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Yes.
Thought about who would move for the other? ---
Do parents approve/support it?
I'm not sure, they'll probably be more outraged at the difference of race rather than the relationship.
Just having fun and someone to flirt with?
It was a mixture of both, but I'm not a flirty type of person, just someone who wants an understanding partner.
Did you have bad luck with finding someone near your area?
Nope, not really. I just don't get approached often, which is kind of a good thing. Still a bit scared of a past stalker.
Have you tried or just decided yourself? I don't understand this Q.
Sorry about the last question, I was kinda doing this in a dazed mood and didn't realize I didn't complete the question, lol.

It's really sad when parents have a problem with race. I can understand why sometimes -- such as language and culture barriers. Grandparents would like their grandchildren to be raised in their culture and be able to speak to them. In other cases it's just out of racism though.
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11-29-2011   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
Sorry about the last question, I was kinda doing this in a dazed mood and didn't realize I didn't complete the question, lol.

It's really sad when parents have a problem with race. I can understand why sometimes -- such as language and culture barriers. Grandparents would like their grandchildren to be raised in their culture and be able to speak to them. In other cases it's just out of racism though.

It's fine =]
And yeah, I do have to agree with what you said. If I were to ever get married to a different race, the language and culture barriers will be quite a problem if we have family gatherings. Not to mention kids, but nowadays most children are bi-lingual so it's not a matter of which language is more beneficial.

I never really clicked with my parents' views on some things, and I've been steadfast in my beliefs. However, I'm doing well so it's not that bad.
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11-29-2011   #6 (permalink)
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Why indeed. Like you said Yume, I know it works out for some people, but more often than not, I hear that it wasn't to someone's liking, or the relationship just plain didn't work out, often because of the distance.

Maybe I'm just generally jaded about everything and can't fathom why some people would put themselves through the stress and drama of having an e-ship, who knows! I know some people who always have problems with their e-ships and may or may not vent in a passive-aggressive manner, and yet they continue to drag it out. I'm just like "... Why the balls would you do that, that's not even logical."




I'm going to try and pick your brains, guys. /sporadic lurking
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11-29-2011   #7 (permalink)
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I mean I guess I can see the value in it. That being said, I don't think I could ever commit myself to a real online or long-distance relationship. Or at least, I wouldn't be able to commit to a relationship with someone from far away who I had never met in person before. It takes a great deal of trust to do something like that, and it's hard for me to offer that to someone who I've never met in person. A lot of people are trustworthy, and I understand that, but you never really know what they're doing throughout the day, and that bothers me. I mean sure, people can lie to you in face-to-face conversations too, but it's a lot easier to catch people in their bullshit in person.

It does work out for a lot of people though, and I'd say it's always worth it to search out love.
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11-29-2011   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Almora

It's fine =]
And yeah, I do have to agree with what you said. If I were to ever get married to a different race, the language and culture barriers will be quite a problem if we have family gatherings. Not to mention kids, but nowadays most children are bi-lingual so it's not a matter of which language is more beneficial.

I never really clicked with my parents' views on some things, and I've been steadfast in my beliefs. However, I'm doing well so it's not that bad.
In my case, my boyfriend is Polish and I'm Chinese. Both of our parents are first generation immigrants in Canada so we've both retained some of our culture and language. Both of our parents have been in Canada for a long time now, and thankfully my mom has more or less adapted to the Western culture. My family doesn't especially celebrate anything though, but my boyfriend's family has more traditions and do more... things. I think his parents were hoping he'd find a nice Polish girl, lol but they seem to like me 8D and my mom really likes him so I'm lucky. However, I do know that my family would be less accepting if I dated someone of certain ethnicities but I don't think my mom would stop me (unless that particular person was a bad influence on me or their culture was ... well suppressing woman or something). It would just take a while to accept it. At least she doesn't mind what ethnicity my friends are from as long as that individual isn't a bad influence.
/life story lol


Quote:
How old are you?
I'm 17, he's 18
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
We both want to work in the ICT sector, preferably computer programming etc
Why did you start this?
We didn't start it nor look for it, it just happened.. we hated each other before lolol, I guess it gives the quote "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" a whole different meaning 8D;
What do you expect to come out of this?
Most of the expected has already happened lol, but marriage and living together pls q.q maybe kids :l.. not to keen on that idea LOLZ
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
I think marriage is in the future :3
Have you met them?
Yes
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
Yes
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
No
Thought about who would move for the other?
He's moved to me for now, he's on a student visa and planning to go for the full citizenship soon
Do parents approve/support it?
Yes

Edit: I went along with it for the most part 'cause I'm shy IRL, and I wouldn't have wanted the relationship to start out in any other way, 'cause I got to know him 100% so when it came to IRL I wasn't shy 8D; [I'm UBER shy q.q]
I'm actually surprised to hear this -- but made me smile. At young ages, it's harder to carry out a long distant relationship. It can go somewhere and you two have a plan and that's great. I all-too often see people in online-relationships spouting pretty words at each other and nothing comes out of it and no plans of any kind. I like that you guys have a direction you both can go together and that your parents support you. Kudos to you guys!
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Last edited by Yume; 11-29-2011 at 08:01 PM.
 
11-29-2011   #9 (permalink)
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How old are you?
24

Why did you start this?
Because my then boyfriend of 4 years joined the military, and was away for a year. He proposed and I said yes, but it took a few months before I could move over to where he was.

What do you expect to come out of this?
Well eventually, I hope I wont have to be away from him for long periods of time anymore.

Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
Already married.

Have you met them?
Of course...then again, we didn't start out as a long distance couple, we were classmates in college.

Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
It's too expensive to fly to where he is, so I have to wait patiently until I can move.

Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Nope, of course not.

Thought about who would move for the other?
I've already moved several times because of his job, I don't mind as long as I can be with him.

Do parents approve/support it?
I'm an adult, what the crap are my parents gonna do about it XD
In all seriousness though, the only thing my mom doesn't support is me not siring any grandchildren for her.
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11-29-2011   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
In my case, my boyfriend is Polish and I'm Chinese. Both of our parents are first generation immigrants in Canada so we've both retained some of our culture and language. Both of our parents have been in Canada for a long time now, and thankfully my mom has more or less adapted to the Western culture. My family doesn't especially celebrate anything though, but my boyfriend's family has more traditions and do more... things. I think his parents were hoping he'd find a nice Polish girl, lol but they seem to like me 8D and my mom really likes him so I'm lucky. However, I do know that my family would be less accepting if I dated someone of certain ethnicities but I don't think my mom would stop me (unless that particular person was a bad influence on me or their culture was ... well suppressing woman or something). It would just take a while to accept it. At least she doesn't mind what ethnicity my friends are from as long as that individual isn't a bad influence.
/life story lol
That's really cute =D
And +1 to being Chinese too, same here ;]
Either way, I'm bound to be with another race since it's so rare here, well where I live, to still find a traditional Asian guy who is good with the parents and holds a nice job position. My parents are old fashioned, but I know they mean well.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitchi
Do parents approve/support it?
I'm an adult, what the crap are my parents gonna do about it XD
In all seriousness though, the only thing my mom doesn't support is me not siring any grandchildren for her.
I remember telling my mom I won't be having children, she completely freaked. It's not that I'm choosing not to, since I LOVE kids so much, but the option is just near impossible for me. I have to adopt or find some other way. And now I am jealous of girls who have babies and don't even bother to take care of them.
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11-29-2011   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitchi
How old are you?
24

Why did you start this?
Because my then boyfriend of 4 years joined the military, and was away for a year. He proposed and I said yes, but it took a few months before I could move over to where he was.

What do you expect to come out of this?
Well eventually, I hope I wont have to be away from him for long periods of time anymore.

Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
Already married.

Have you met them?
Of course...then again, we didn't start out as a long distance couple, we were classmates in college.

Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
It's too expensive to fly to where he is, so I have to wait patiently until I can move.

Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Nope, of course not.

Thought about who would move for the other?
I've already moved several times because of his job, I don't mind as long as I can be with him.

Do parents approve/support it?
I'm an adult, what the crap are my parents gonna do about it XD
In all seriousness though, the only thing my mom doesn't support is me not siring any grandchildren for her.
I'm not even married but my boyfriend and I haven't gone a week without seeing each other ever since we dated. I can't imagine not being able to see him for long periods of time. >_<; I hope you can move to him soon! And even though webcamming and phone is not the same thing, it's still being able to see him laugh and smile... but can't... tickle him. D:



I really want children. I'm not ready for it yet, but I know I definitely want. I'm pretty sure I am able to have children, but my body isn't ready yet either.
Do you mind if I ask why you say it's near impossible for you?

Also, it's very hard to find a nice traditional asian/Chinese guy that won't treat the woman lower than him too. I'm in a city with a lot of international students from asia and I've noticed a lot of the guys (of course not all, that's why it's rare) don't treat women very well.
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11-29-2011   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
I really want children. I'm not ready for it yet, but I know I definitely want. I'm pretty sure I am able to have children, but my body isn't ready yet either.
Do you mind if I ask why you say it's near impossible for you?

Also, it's very hard to find a nice traditional asian/Chinese guy that won't treat the woman lower than him too. I'm in a city with a lot of international students from asia and I've noticed a lot of the guys (of course not all, that's why it's rare) don't treat women very well.
Yes! I also forgot about that, since they hold the traditional mentality the woman won't be viewed as an equal and the whole business about bearing sons is quite a pain in the butt too. I honestly don't care much for the gender of the child or even the distribution of the family name.

About the not able to have children, it's something with my biology, since it's rather personal I don't want to disclose too much info >_<.
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11-30-2011   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
I'm not even married but my boyfriend and I haven't gone a week without seeing each other ever since we dated. I can't imagine not being able to see him for long periods of time. >_<; I hope you can move to him soon! And even though webcamming and phone is not the same thing, it's still being able to see him laugh and smile... but can't... tickle him. D:
.
It's hard, but it'll be worth it eventually when I get to see him again. Plus I'll be moving to Korea (where he's stationed) so adventureeee.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Almora
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]I remember telling my mom I won't be having children, she completely freaked. It's not that I'm choosing not to, since I LOVE kids so much, but the option is just near impossible for me. I have to adopt or find some other way. And now I am jealous of girls who have babies and don't even bother to take care of them.
I cant have children on the meds I'm on, which made my mom make a not so pleasant comment about how it's better to give birth to you own kids than to adopt. I merely looked her in the eye and replied "You realize my husband is adopted, right?"

She quickly stfu'd

Though she would flip if she knew I got this "installed":
IMPLANON - Birth control that goes under the skin of your arm.
(basically birth control that is implanted in your arm and lasts for 3 years).
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11-30-2011   #14 (permalink)
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How old are you?

First started was 16... Right now, 20.

If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?

I have none. Lol.


Why did you start this?

Curiosity.

What do you expect to come out of this?

A relationship? o_o

Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?

Possibly.. I don't know. Right now, I think we have expiry date. We just don't know when.
And yes, I am pretty much still in love with him.


Have you met them?


Of course.. I started out from the Internet then leads to real-life meet up and continued from there.

How do you plan on meeting them?


Both of us set up a date and place to meet each other. You can call that first date.

Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?


He visits me.. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be a holiday/festival or something.


Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?

Well, duh. I'm gay. Lol.

Thought about who would move for the other?

Possibly me. I would move out and move in to his place. Or move nearer to him.


Do parents approve/support it?

They don't even know their only son is gay.

Just having fun and someone to flirt with?

That was my first intention.. but it always got serious.

Did you have bad luck with finding someone near your area?

I don't know, since I never really try. I mean, how do you find them? Just screaming 'I'm gay and I'm single! Any interested taker?' on the street? I think not. I mean, I'm gay, it's harder for us.

Have you tried or just decided yourself that "no one is interested in you" ?

Lol. Nope, everyone is interested in me. Yes, I sound obnoxious but that's true. It's the LOCATION that is hell for me.


Ps: Right now, I'm in a committed relationship with this guy for over 6 months now. Gonna see him on the 27th. yay
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11-30-2011   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitchi
Though she would flip if she knew I got this "installed":
IMPLANON - Birth control that goes under the skin of your arm.
(basically birth control that is implanted in your arm and lasts for 3 years).
I didn't even know this kind of birth control existed D: Very interesting!

@1stsim144: I totally support and that is so cute :3 Good luck on the 27th.
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11-30-2011   #16 (permalink)
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Oooooh, a quiz.

How old are you?
23.

If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
Graduate, marry, have kids, raise money, raise kids, live, yadda yadda.

Why did you start this?
It felt right and I wanted to.

What do you expect to come out of this?
Long lasting relationship.

Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
Already have. Marrying later when budget is in better shape than a blind, crippled horse.

Have you met them?
Several times then moved in together.

How do you plan on meeting them?
Already did.

Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
Hmm, visited each other a few times during summers/holidays before.

Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
I did at first while it was still young to keep unnecessary drama from cluttering up my everyday life because I knew my family wouldn't like it.

Thought about who would move for the other?
I did. I had nothing going for me and Sweden sounded so much better.

Do parents approve/support it?
No. But now, yes.

Just having fun and someone to flirt with?
Neither. I'm not into empty, casual shit.

Did you have bad luck with finding someone near your area?
AYUP.

Have you tried or just decided yourself that "no one is interested in you" ?
Oh, I tried.
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12-01-2011   #17 (permalink)
<3 you Shane :3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yume
I'm actually surprised to hear this -- but made me smile. At young ages, it's harder to carry out a long distant relationship. It can go somewhere and you two have a plan and that's great. I all-too often see people in online-relationships spouting pretty words at each other and nothing comes out of it and no plans of any kind. I like that you guys have a direction you both can go together and that your parents support you. Kudos to you guys!
Thanks for the wonderful comment, made our day :3 (or rather week 8D; )

It did take a long time, mainly cause I wanted him to come here after he finished his high school exams. His mum is really really supportive and I'm surprised she sent him all this way (my mum would never do such a thing lol)

Spoiler!
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12-02-2011   #18 (permalink)
I set fire to the rain
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My bad, it's the 26th. Lol. Not 27th.. Although we gonna spend our night out on the 26th till 27th. T_T
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12-06-2011   #19 (permalink)
is a pretty cool guy.
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How old are you?
18
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
Finish CS degree, work in NYC
Why did you start this?
Met my gf in highschool, but she went to CUNY and I went to SUNY Stony Brook
What do you expect to come out of this?
I'd like to stay with her, she makes me happy.
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
Hopefully.
Have you met them?
Yerp.
How do you plan on meeting them?
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
I visit every weeks as my uni is only 2 hrs away from NYC
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Naw
Thought about who would move for the other?
she's considering transferring.
Do parents approve/support it?
Yerp
Just having fun and someone to flirt with?
Did you have bad luck with finding someone near your area?
Have you tried or just decided yourself that "no one is interested in you" ?
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12-11-2011   #20 (permalink)
and more came out
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How old are you?
I was 17 then.
If you're still students in highschool or university, what are your plans?
We broke up after a year.
Why did you start this?
She had a crush on me and one of her friends wanted me to ask her out. I didn't know why I went through this. Perhaps, curiosity? At that time, I thought online relationships were weird. But I said yes anyways and thought to myself, what's the worst that can happen?
Spoiler!

What do you expect to come out of this?
I didn't know what to expect. Since this was an online relationship, I thought it wouldn't last long. But apparently I proved myself wrong. Initially, I was kind of embarrassed and ashamed for having an online relationship. I treated it as a dark secret and kept it hidden for a while. But as days of constant chatting went by, my feelings began to developed. When I realized that I had fallen in love with her, I began to panic because I realized that I became exactly like one of those weird Maple Story kiddie couples. I said ruh roh. My brain and heart were at odds with each other. Eventually, I came to accept the fact that I loved her and changed my view on online relationships.
Do you think you will end up together (marriage? do you use 'love'?)?
We didn't end up together. As I was entering college, she decided to break up with me because she didn't want me to waste my college life closed up in my room and staring at a computer screen for 4 years. She wanted me to get off the computer and go outside to experience college for myself.
...Too bad she didn't know that I'm a CS major! (Harhar.. bad joke)
Have you met them?
No, but we planned on meeting each other this one time.
How do you plan on meeting them?
She came to visit my state on a vacation. I wanted to visit her, but she was about 8 hours down south. I couldn't drive at that time, and I had no way to travel down there without my parents questioning me. Due to fear of parental consequences and being passive as a cowardly turtle, I let my chance slipped away.
Do you visit each other (eg christmas)?
No. And never will.
Do you keep it a secret from family, friends?
Kept it a secret from my family. My parents would kill me had I told them. I was also scared of letting my friends know in the fear of being ridiculed. I thought spaghetti would fall out of my pants had I confessed. But, in the end, I mustered up my courage and told my friends anyways.
Thought about who would move for the other?
I used to daydream a lot about us moving in and living together before I went to sleep.
...Now I daydream about Dark Souls, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure and Gundam.
Do parents approve/support it?
Never told them. Back when my brother had his first girlfriend in highschool, my Dad was extremely furious and lashed out on my brother constantly for a good 2 months. I didn't want to experience the dark ages of my childhood again.
Just having fun and someone to flirt with?
I don't know how to flirt.
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