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07-18-2008   #1 (permalink)
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Default Microsoft Windows Joke

For a bit of a laugh
_______________________________________________

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
*Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check*
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
*Waiter leaves*

Patron: Waiter! There's a bug in my soup!

The check: Soup of the Day.....................................$5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day...........................$2.50
Access to support........................................... ..... $1.00
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07-18-2008   #2 (permalink)
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I think I can beat that~

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

Windows has detected you do not have a keyboard. Press 'F9" to continue.

Use The Best...
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire

If you give 1000 monkeys 1000 typewriters and an infinite amount of time they will produce Shakespeare's works. If you give a monkey a computer and five minutes it will program Windows



Genesis Take Two

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from
those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was
good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place
to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small
and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill
all the Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer
will make new programs and govern over the computers and
programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE
Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a
creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire
the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS
and it was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to
run any programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every
program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows
or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something
you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will
become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you
like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless
- since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to
the Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the
Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need
drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated
by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you.
And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will
have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the
Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the
User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors
and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door
and secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT



And my personal favorite~

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you

Last edited by Torikakae; 07-18-2008 at 06:11 AM.
 
07-18-2008   #3 (permalink)
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Do Youtube counts x3?
 
07-18-2008   #4 (permalink)
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lmao that's alot of Anti-M$ jokes XD

thanks guys for the compilations ^__^
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07-18-2008   #5 (permalink)
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Proprietary technology </3
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07-18-2008   #6 (permalink)
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List of games for Mac: Photoshop
List of games for Linux: make
 
07-18-2008   #7 (permalink)
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Lol. That was funny.
 
07-19-2008   #8 (permalink)
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the ultimate oxymoron.... Microsoft Works
 
07-19-2008   #9 (permalink)
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