Hey guys... I'm really tired of that priest girl up on that banner. D:
May I suggest that we either...
1) Use this image as header/banner:
I think Shana's cute. :x The problem is that I don't know the artist,lol.
2) Use Waffle's pic here:
Looks hot. :3
And if we decide him to be our mascot, then Waffle or whoever can colour it. And I can get an artist on DA to make a cg chibi version of him. But that will cost like 15 bucks out of my pocket. I'm a jobless student, I don't want to spend too much. >< [And I need money to buy a few astros for adorable Chokie; so if someone is willing to help in.. that will be nice.]
SOME OF IT IS A LITTLE GRAPHIC. Just as a warning.
Merry Christmas, Love
I'd never LIKED mistletoe, you see.
Sometimes I saw it hanging under a doorframe or something - mostly at cheesy highschool parties - and would make a point to avoid walking through that particular door unless alone. I was sure that some boy I didn't like would find a drunken excuse to walk through at the same time as me, and my pristine reputation would be ruined.
It's so funny how I used to look for so many excuses not to kiss before, but now I look for every excuse to kiss you.
It's something about the way you look at me; from underneath your lashes, everything looks suggestive, cute, approachable, adorable. You would pull me under the mistletoe and I was putty in your hands, unable to resist, unable to fight back. No matter how much you "ruined" me by my own standards, at the same time you fixed me. You let me be spontaneous.
There were never any labels with us. We weren't "gay" - we were in love. We weren't datinggoing steady "****ing" - we were in love.
That was before you left me, anyways.
I mean, it's not like it was your fault.
You were going to "Fight Club", like we called it. Because you never talked about it. We never talked about it to anyone else, just like Edward Norton could never tell anyone what was going on. I had never LIKED your parents, and you never did either, but it was something you told yourself you needed to do.
They had hated everything about their pierced, wiccan, homosexual son. They had hated EVERYTHING about you, and yet somehow you found a way to share with them the love you had. It was so confusing to me, honestly - my relationship with my own parents is shitty at best and abysmal at worse. But I understand now... Around Christmas, there is no worst or best. There's just "holiday spirit". The mistletoe, the holly, the lights around the tree... The late nights cuddling and watching the snow fall, sitting around a crackling fire with the one you love, falling asleep in your arms...
Christmas is always about love. So you told yourself you needed to go, and I believed you.
You never said you needed to go sober.
There was something cathartic in the screaming, in the yelling, in the speaking, in the...
I was running out of things to run from - my family, my friends, my life, my death, my work, my art, my love... And yet, somehow, there was nothing to be afraid of. There was something safe, and, in a way, sane, about this... urge to escape everything.
I had packed nothing in my haste to get away - that was okay, though. I didn't really NEED anything. It was somehow impossible to me that just 24 hours ago I hadn't even thought of the things I did today. It was simple enough, really.
"Why do you live the way you do?" Her voice was a breath on my chest, the whispering of the gods. The lazy way she knew I would answer her always caught me off guard, and this time was no exception.
"What way?" My hand was making a circuitous path around the small of her back, finding its way to rest for a moment on her side, just under her elbow. It had always amazed me how big my hands looked on her tiny body, how out of proportion we looked sometimes.
"You let things happen to you, Sebastian." She was looking into my eyes now. "You've always lived that way, really. I don't think you've ever even noticed it. Things happen to you - good things, bad things... And you take it."
It was a painful memory for me, I realized. I didn't like pain - I didn't like thinking about the person who had inadvertently changed my life. But I guess I had to think about it. Just like I had had to yell at her, letting her know that I do not -let- things happen to me, but that the world makes them happen. Even after her blood had congealed on the ground and her heart had slowly pumped to a stop, I had had to continue...
Something about the way her body was sitting screamed unnatural. I guess that was fair though, considering.
"I don't... Things don't HAPPEN to me Alexa. There's nothing for me to LET happen."
"I happened to you, didn't I?"
"Are you saying I just LET you happen? Like somehow I didn't work for you?"
Her coy smile couldn't save her from her own, personal hell. It seems I'd been saving her a seat all along, and now the floodgates were open, and she was being thrown into the lake of fire.
It was all too painful to think about. But it was a clean pain - the sort of pain that signifies healing.
The blood on the knife looked like something out of Hollywood. It was too rich, and as it was drying it was getting darker... Blood didn't do that, right?
I was still yelling, still screaming at her.
"You're just a stupid ***** who doesn't know anything... I've worked, and worked, and slaved, at EVERYTHING in my life up until now! So what if my goals were never very high? I set the marker low so that I'd never be disappointed with my life... And now you've gone and made me see that my life is shit! Everything I HAVE is shit."
She was groveling, somehow. Was this before or after I threatened to show her her heart? Regardless, she was on the floor, bleeding, pathetically, her body that had seemed so appealing to me before covered in slickness.
"But you've been okay with me in spite of it. Somehow. Well, THAT'S ALRIGHT. Now that you've brought my attention to it, I guess I have to change, huh? How do you like the achiever in me? I'll have to get to work on doing all the things I've wanted to do, but I guess you won't be there to see it, huh? That's okay. You'd probably be underwhelmed anyways - I think the most impressive thing I've ever wanted to do was kill you, and that was always just a morbid fantasy. Now you've given me permission to do what I want, though - to make things happen, instead of letting them. I guess I should thank you."
I think I got bored with talking then. I got tired of it. There was more blood involved, and I think she screamed - or maybe the air wheezing out of her slashed windpipe sounded like it.
The thought was complete, but I wasn't.
Was this really all I had wanted?
What did I have now?
I have...? I have a secret.
They'll find her, someday, probably soon. And then I won't have that anymore. I don't have my sanity, or my achievements, or even a steady job.
But do I regret what I've done?
That's a good question.
If you guys like it, maybe I'll post more. Or maybe it's too insane. XP