Failures of cooking, UNITE!

[nonowa]

tl;dr: Me in the kitchen, everything explodes everywhere forever.

._. I've always told everyone that I'm a complete failure at cooking. Burning stuff, setting things on fire, causing simple recipes to turn into odd, possibly alive things... all common occurrences that occur when I'm in the kitchen.

The one thing I've always been proud of though, is my awesome skills with the microwave. Mom never taught me how to cook, seeing how she could never, but there wasn't a thing I couldn't make in the microwave.... aside from that one time my cup noodles exploded.

...so apparently yesterday, I choose the ONE day in the year I wanted to eat breakfast in the morning. I popped in one of those microwavable breakfast sandwiches, set it for two minutes, took it out of the wrapper, and placed it on a paper towel. As per usual when I make these, it came out delicious.

...but when I finished eating I heard a really strange buzzing noise coming out of the microwave. I opened the door and it stopped. Closing the door started it up again. I made sure that it wasn't cooking anything by mistake, but I couldn't get the noise to stop. I figured it would eventually stop by itself, and left for work.

...only to find from my dad when he arrived at work that apparently our microwave exploded. Smoke and shit all over the house and everything. ;_; My status in the kitchen is completely destroyed and now I'm the laughing stock of all my friends.

So... If you have any disasters to share to make me feel bet--- I mean, that you would like to share, post them here!

[Ascherit]

When I was 7 or 8, I set my toaster on fire because I set the toaster on maximum heat so my toast would toast faster. ;_; Being the retarded child that I was, I tried to douse the flames with small cups of water; that only made the fire worse. In the end, I had to get my sister upstairs to get the fire extinguisher and put out the toaster fire.

Oh yeah, I also charred my pot once from over-boiling water. (this was recently, LOL) I wanted to cook some ramen so I put some water in a pot and put it over high heat and went back on the computer to watch my animu. I ended up forgetting about the pot and when I came back to check on the pot of boiling water (which was about 40 minutes later), the water had vaporized and I was left with an empty burnt pot of no return. Yeah, I was scolded hard that day. ;_;

[Henreh]

I forgot to add cooking oil once while making curry...came out ok but **** it took around 20 minutes to clean my frying pan ;-;

[kuyaBaka]

I forgot to strain my slow-cooking soup ... QQ"

[Torikakae]

When I was a kid, I tried to make some of those soup in a can using the microwave. I had no idea how hot the bowl would be when it finished, so I grabbed the bowl at the end. Since the bowl was only half full, it took a while for the scourging pain to reach my hand. Problem was, I was already half-way to the dining table. So it was either drop the bowl or make a sprint to the table. I did both /orz

[CrimsonCeres]

Hi, I'm Ceres, and I was official kicked out of the kitchen 2 months ago. >_<
I microwaved stuff in those ziplock bags before. Urgh.
I have a bad habit of mixing up salt and sugar.
Lol, my attempt to fry rice ended at 6ish in the morning when the fire detector went off and woke my neighbor. :x
I put too much/too little water in my rice cooker for a total of ,er, 7 times.

[Dook]

I'm bad at cooking/preparing any type of food or drink.
Once I put salt in my coffee instead of sugar lol!
Tho I think we've all done that before

[Xpecial]

So like I bought this cookie dough a while ago. One day I decided to heat it up.

So like I read the instructions, and like I saw that it said something like: "Conventional Oven, heat on high power for 10 minutes or until the cookie turns golden brown" or something like that. Being the dummy that I was, I took the oven to mean microwave oven (only a word off, right?). I put the cookie dough in for 10 minutes, after a few minutes, I smelled something burning - the cookie dough. The cookie dough was BURNT and yea...

/fail

[n00bE]

Err I accidently opened the microwave before it stopped and put my hand in to take the stuff out (My microwave doesnt stop if the door is open and i have done this a few times =X)
I also went to microwave cheese on toast but i got to preoccupied in my games and left it in there for 5 min >.<

[nonowa]

Originally Posted by CrimsonCeres

Hi, I'm Ceres, and I was official kicked out of the kitchen 2 months ago. >_<
I microwaved stuff in those ziplock bags before. Urgh.
I have a bad habit of mixing up salt and sugar.
Lol, my attempt to fry rice ended at 6ish in the morning when the fire detector went off and woke my neighbor. :x
I put too much/too little water in my rice cooker for a total of ,er, 7 times.

I like you already.

Considering I've done each of those things once or twice. In the last few months.

[Fineti]

I'm decent at cooking normally, but when I was little I microwaved a bowl of ramen for 10 minutes while forgetting to add any water. The noodles weren't that badly destroyed but the seasoning melted to the noodles and bowl. I don't know why I used to microwave ramen so long anyways...

[nonowa]

Originally Posted by Fineti

I'm decent at cooking normally, but when I was little I microwaved a bowl of ramen for 10 minutes while forgetting to add any water. The noodles weren't that badly destroyed but the seasoning melted to the noodles and bowl. I don't know why I used to microwave ramen so long anyways...

...that's exactly what I did.

My old girlfriend wouldn't let me live it down. Whenever I mentioned cooking, it'd be "Oh, but you destroyed CUP NOODLES! How do you do that?!" ._.

D : Those things didn't have any directions! I had no idea how to microwave it!

[moffit]

I once tried making a chocolate pie that called for pudding. I decided to put whipped topping over the top of it, then let it set in the fridge. When it was set, I pulled it out.. and the dye in the pudding had seeped into the whipped topping, turning it pink. It was just the dye, but no one wanted to try it! D:

[Fineti]

Originally Posted by nonowa

...that's exactly what I did.

My old girlfriend wouldn't let me live it down. Whenever I mentioned cooking, it'd be "Oh, but you destroyed CUP NOODLES! How do you do that?!" ._.

D : Those things didn't have any directions! I had no idea how to microwave it!

It was a big glass bowl for me, and I've already made it tons of times by then... The seasoning was welded on there so I had to throw it away.

[Torikakae]

Originally Posted by n00bE

(My microwave doesnt stop if the door is open and i have done this a few times =X)

Whoa! Isn't that very dangerous? Are you sure that microwave passed inspection?

[Silver Rook]

You guys... srsly...
Is it that hard to cook o.o?

I remember theres once where I've made a green sludge like food thing that actually tastes good.. But no one dares to eat it >.>

P.S. Its luminious green, and its not jelly at all.

[Ethane]

Excuse me

hahahahahahahahaha

has it dawned on any of you if your microwave is malfunctioning and WON'T STOP RUNNING that maybe, just MAYBE, you should UNPLUG IT

hahahahah exploded microwave oh man hahahah

[Yume]

This one time I was microwaving a cup of ramen at school but didn't pull off the lid (there was shiny, tin foil looking thing on the lid) and went to the other side of the room. I was talking to someone until they started flipping out and pointing to the microwave. I looked and the lid was on fire... I ran over there and stopped it. ;-;

Another time, I wanted to bake oatmeal cookies, but I was disgusted with the amount of butter and sugar put into it, so instead of adding a lot of butter, I put some milk. The sugar, I just used more brown sugar than white, but the milk turned the cookies into ... cake. I also tried to make them into blue cookies...

'nuff said ;-;

[VorpalBunny]

If you look at those cookies from far away, it looks like mold 8D

My worst attempt at cooking was when I tried to make cheesy cauliflower. It ended up as some kind of orange watery goop with bits of totally overcooked cauliflower floating around. There was way too much water trapped inside the cauliflower after rinsing, so it pretty much killed the cheese sauce. I tried to compensate by adding more cheese, but that didn't work. Trying to recoup my losses, I decided to thicken up the sauce with flour, but I added it while it was boiling, so now there's pasty lumps of flour in the sauce too. That's when I actually tasted the horrible concoction, which was hideously oversalted because of the extra process cheese. Any attempts to save the dish were abandoned after the cauliflower started breaking apart due to overcooking. I later ordered pizza D:

[HolyAbyssal]

The only time i failed in cooking was when i was making egg noodles.... they stuck to the pan so bad i had to throw it out....D=