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More than one word.

Posted 11-23-2008 at 12:18 AM by Yume
Updated 11-23-2008 at 12:21 AM by Yume
...have I really used the word 'love'? How could I have used such a strong word when I didn't even know what it was. How could I have uttered that word to someone to describe the swelling emotions within me? How could I have used that word, and now after all is said and done, I am fine now? What was love at that time? A yearning? An attachment? Why did I do it more than once...

Is love the word you use to describe when you deeply care for someone else and would do anything for? You'd make sacrifices for them to be happy at the expense of your self? Somewhere in my mind I think that's half bull crap. A person may engage in several relationships and care for the other person and also make sacrifices for them. I don't think that's love. What's the difference between each relationship? Their own form of love? Is there that much room for so many different forms of love in a heart? Can so may forms of love replace another, or share the same heart?

Love isn't "you just know" because I thought I "just knew" and it turned out "I just knew crap." I knew how to hurt. I thought I knew more than once.

The things in a person's life that have soiled them, is it possible for another person to accept everything? For them to also accept the dirt and piles of manure that surrounds a person so they can blossom, is it possible to find people like that?

What have I done? What have I said? It seems like my heart is soiled; it feels as such. When I think about it now, I wonder why I said it. When I remember the moments I was in when I said it, it seems like I knew what I was saying. I thought I knew what I was feeling so I used words to describe it. Words; not enough action. Another case, action; not enough words.

If love is supposedly a strong emotion, is it supposed to come and go? Is it supposed to be something to be let go of even after we have admitted to it? Is love supposed to be for only a moment? Is that why people add "forever"? If it only lasts for a moment, why do people use that word?

Me and you at some elderly age of 80, listening closely to each others steps while clinging onto each others breaths because with a sudden gasp, there would be no breath left; nothing for the other to hold onto. Although tears and bruises have faded and gone, the lovers do not. Memories do not suffice, do not compare, thus don't let go until you really can't hold on any longer.

What word should I use to describe this?

I wonder if I should use words, wonder if I should use actions, or if I should just live and eventually you and I, whoever you are, will end up as such?

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