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What am I doing with my social life...

Posted 10-28-2008 at 10:08 PM by Yume
*sighs*

Today was awards night which is basically a short ceremony that hands out awards for students who have an average of 80% and higher, and also for 'honorable mention' students.

80% + average receive a medal
90% + receive a certificate
Top student of each grade receives a plaque

I originally didn't want to go because the only reason why I ever did in the previous years was because my mom forced me to, but she's in China now. I really wasn't going to go until my Principal and Vice-Principal guilt me into it. The Principal asked if I was going to attend, and I bluntly said no, but then he said something like, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you got the highest average for last year, so it might look a bit bad if you don't show up." I got a bit excited about this since I'm competing with someone else to get this. My Vice-Principal pulled me aside to tell me that he went and talked to my dad about it, so I thought that they're going through all this trouble, I might as well go. Anyway, the person I'm competing with, he and I had seen our guidance councilor a few weeks earlier and apparently he said his average was higher than mine, so I was a bit bummed but forgot about it after a while. I don't know what went on there, but yeah, I got the plaque. Fine and dandy, no complaints or anything, but after the actual ceremony was over, there is usually donuts and drinks handed out. I'm standing in line with my friend who received a medal and certificate and people who are walking by, or standing near are congratulating her. I'm standing there like an idiot, smiling oddly for no apparent reason because I don't know what else to do. I don't know if I should look away, or smile at them 'cause when I did, they kinda... oddly congratulated me too. It was more like an add-on. I'm not saying I want all these "zomg looooooooolz congratz" but I feel like I give off an aura of awkwardness or something. I don't know who those people were, but they knew me apparently.

I'm sure they knew my friend because she works at her restaurant, and also because she's far more outspoken than I am. What do I do? I don't really do anything. The mark I had wasn't even really that high considering that I don't do extra curricular activities, or work. I have plenty of time to do homework, but I ended up with a 96% average in my 11th grade where as the person last year had a 98% average or something. I don't know. I hardly beat the person I'm competing with and he's the president of the student body, plays volleyball, baseball etc.

I realized this a while ago, but I can study my ass off, but I don't really have a social life which makes me worried about next year. The only reason why I have friends is because all of my friends are my classmates. I /want/ to make friends, but I'm too shy to speak first. I also want to be friendly with the townspeople, but I just kinda smile. I can't hold up conversation. I'm guessing next year is that I'm just going to go with the flow. I'm not afraid of making a fool of myself or anything, but it's difficult for me to look at people in the eyes unless I'm close to them...

Baawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

So yeah, it's my fault for not getting out in the world and being more outgoing. Shit.

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  1. Point's Avatar
    i get what ur going through (even though i'm not some omg-smartness-top student of my school). it's really really really hard to talk about...w/e, cuz that's what usually ppl talk about - w/e. u try getting someone into a serious conversation, and they just make a joke to get out of it. i have no idea wth to talk about with my "friends" either. even now, i hesistated before posting this, because, well, my situation doesn't really affect u whatsoever, so it doesn't really matter, and it's kinda like one of those "w/e" thing i'm posting....rambling now. /stops
    permalink
    Posted 10-28-2008 at 11:17 PM by Point Point is offline
  2. Yume's Avatar
    Well I'm usually a laid back person that can talk about whatever and does whatever, but that's only if I'm already well acquainted with the person. I have a few friends from school that I can talk and do stuff with without feeling too awkward, but even that is still a bit iffy. It's hard for me to not feel awkward if there is only one other person and then me. I feel like we have to have some sort of conversation or do something. Conversation wise, if I don't have a topic, I just feel.. silly for some reason. The big problem is when I'm talking to adults/people I don't really know. I'm just... really shy and feel dumbfounded. =/ I try to say 'hi, how are you' and stuff, but I just feel that's too... mundane. I have no trouble conversing online, but in person is the most difficult thing.

    I really, really regret not getting a job during this past summer. I could have developed better social skills and also gain some experience. I'm not good at sports (I don't make the teams ;-; ) so joining those aren't an option, and my school doesn't have that many other clubs to join. I was thinking of tutoring people just for the hell of it, but blaaah.

    Yeah, anyway. I prefer jokes because people laughing is better than me repeatedly asking "how is your day?" or something. :x
    permalink
    Posted 10-28-2008 at 11:26 PM by Yume Yume is offline
  3. Point's Avatar
    you and I...quite alike. i think it's way easier to talk on the internet cuz you get time to think stuff through before you "say" it, whereas in RL, you fumble with your words and it just makes you look dumb lol. i'm not good at sports either, i never possessed the ... crave? for attention or possestion that you kinda needs to play basketball or w/e. i have a job right now, as a math tutor. and i can tell you, being a good teacher doesn't mean squat to being a good ...conversation-er (curse my inadequet vocab). i'm fine with teaching kids or even ppl older than me (math genius right har *boasts) but that just results in lecturing ppl during a part of a conversation lol. now i have like at least 2 ppl who constantly ask me about their hw on msn lol. (not that i mind that much, teaching's easier once you've done it for a few years)
    permalink
    Posted 10-28-2008 at 11:38 PM by Point Point is offline
  4. Globalastro's Avatar
    about job=more social skills....

    I have worked since i was 10 directly conversing with people while taking orders at a sub/pizza shop, whle managing a coffee shop, and while at blockbuster, continually holding conversations with customers as theft deteration.... and to do that, i have to talk about whatever they look like they'd respond to whether it be the weather, sports on tv (which i totally abhor), movies, games, cars, whatever.....

    I do so well at this yet i cannot, for the life of me, hold a social conversation that i am not forced into unless talking about stupid shit like rants about mmo games....

    Hopefully, you have a much wider array of interests that are generally reguarded as "popular" or things that come up in others daily conversations.. (hell, i cant even hold a conversation with my own boyfrind.. but it aint for lack of trying)

    i think we just gotta keep at it.

    but, i am finding, the more i pay attention to popular topics, whether they interest me or not per say, i get further alongin a conversation before it gets akward and im starting to take more interest in them.

    I guess its jus something that will come to most of us naturally eventually, and EVERYONE has atleast a few socially akward situations


    god, now i'm rambling.... lol.... sems this entry is attracting those of us who know not when to stop blah blah
    /words start to fade to blahs until they are un noticed.... LOL
    permalink
    Posted 10-29-2008 at 12:04 AM by Globalastro Globalastro is offline
  5. Yume's Avatar
    Yeah, and if they ask why you're not talking, you can say you're busy doing something, but really you just don't know what to tell 'em. =p

    As for the fumbling part, I do that too. I know what I want to say, but I usually end up stuttering or get tongue tied or just not pronounce the whole word right. I think faster than I speak, so sometimes I"ll say a word in a really weird way.

    Well, as a tutor I was hoping to kinda like... open up a bit. It'd look good on resume, uni applications etc, and it'd be more interaction with other people. I just feel like I need to get out there a bit before next year when I graduate. I don't want to get an official job because I remember my friends telling me they hardly have time to do their homework/study and I really don't want that. The reason why I'm trying to get really good grades is so I can get as many scholarships as I can. I can't let my grades drop. =/

    I've been helping my classmates with their homework more than before, so... I don't know. q_________q I realllllly wish I had gotten a job the past summer... ;-;
    permalink
    Posted 10-29-2008 at 12:11 AM by Yume Yume is offline
  6. Yume's Avatar
    lol@Global

    I took off my glasses 'cause I'm going to sleep soon, so I'll reply to Global tomorrow. +______+

    JUST DO IT. D8<
    permalink
    Posted 10-29-2008 at 12:17 AM by Yume Yume is offline
  7. Catharsis's Avatar
    I was going to reply with something nice but now I'm too sleepy... o_o;
    permalink
    Posted 10-29-2008 at 05:12 AM by Catharsis Catharsis is offline
  8. Yume's Avatar
    @Global, I get what you mean that when you're working, you have certain small talk to maintain and it's also easier because you're working there. The customers usually ask about little things, and it's usually about what's around you -- like the job etc. That kind of interaction would, I think, still help me.

    It's difficult for me to even look people in the eyes for some reason. I usually just smile and nod, and mumble 'hi.' There are times when I help at my parent's shop from time to time, and I still find it a bit difficult to find something to say. I sometimes say 'hi, how are you?' etc, but I don't knowwww.

    /explode

    @_@ *tucks Cath into bed??*
    permalink
    Posted 10-29-2008 at 10:29 AM by Yume Yume is offline
  9. Globalastro's Avatar
    i have never been able to look people in the eyes.... wen i pass someone on the street i nod wth my eyes at the ground, andwhen i talk to someone, my eyes are always fixed on heir mouth...
    Its almosy as if im deaf but can still hear, true, i get nervous looking people in the eyes, but also, when i look anywhere else but the mouth i tend to not comprehend what theyre saying, almost as if i rely on reading lips rather than the sounds that come out.... its really odd because i can hear, but have no clue what theyre saying sometimes yet cannot read lips too well through glass... odd, huh...? LOL
    permalink
    Posted 10-29-2008 at 11:09 AM by Globalastro Globalastro is offline
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