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Grand Fantasia
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Grand Fantasia

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I just want to post about something to no one.

Posted 09-15-2012 at 02:38 AM by Math
Spoiler!

It's hard to make friends when you're awkward.

When you don't know how to strike a casual conversation. When your self esteem is sagging to the floor. When all you think about is what other people think of you.

Leading to the fact that people keep telling me that other's opinions shouldn't affect who I am and that I should be myself no matter what.
Not necessarily the case. I need other people's support to feel good instead of trying to support myself and telling me how awesome I am.
Pathetic? I guess that's the word for me. Not like I can change it though.

I used to be normal. I used to be able to make friends because it didn't matter how you were like. In elementary school, as long as you shared your crayons and helped each other learn how to add, no one cared about what you wore.
Now everyone analyzes everyone. Acne? Gtfo. Those pants? Ugliest I've ever seen. That camera angle you have on the third picture in the second album on your facebook profile? That makes you look sooooooo faaaaaaaat.

That's why I love the Internet.
No one can judge you because they can't see you unless you let them.
Most people [on more serious forums] give you harsh critiques on whatever you post because they can't see you and won't try and sugarcoat it.
That's why I've considered dating online. Pedophiles? Okay, not much you can do about that but stay on your guard. Jerks and douchebags? Okay, but they can't ruin your reputation unless you care about it so much in an MMO or on the forums.
The 'good' guys? They can't see you and judge you. Personality is usually enough.

I don't even know where this snowballing is going anymore. Just too many problems. <___>

...aaand the result of all these problems is a lonely foreign teenager spending her Friday night on the Internet trying to get a life to make up for the empty life she has in real life. Behind a screen where no one can see her. |:

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