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Posted 05-20-2010 at 03:09 PM by gordonschumway
Well after talking to a few people, I had decided it was in the best interest of those involved to take these off. I stubbornly held to the notion that maybe the people could have seen it and if they were too afraid to let me know personally, they could have relayed their message another way. I didn't want to make anything I put seem like it could be washed away so easily. These were heartfelt messages that were contrite, sincere and my way of trying to reach out to these various people. In talking with some of them though, it seemed to have the opposite effect and made them embarrassed or self-conscious. This was never my intention. I feel even worse in the fact that I did try and do something that was designed to show I really did care, or was sorry, or my true feelings on the matter but ended up making things much worse. It may have been way too selfish of me to do this, I didn't set out to do that but when people tell me I was, I can't discount that. I just figured it would be more selfish to not stand behind my words and DFE because the "moment" had passed. I felt that if I put it down, I needed to be a man and stand by what I had said. Maybe that singular way of thinking is what they are referring to.

I hope with this gone, the people who were affected can not have to worry and that we can start the process of regaining trust. I think I may have lost it with several of these people, but if I run away now, these people hurt for nothing. I hope I can at least make it right or they can tell me they want nothing to do with me anymore so I can at least respect that wish.

For those I apologized to, I want you to know that I mean it and will still do everything I can to show you the intrinsic changes that have occurred within me. I just ask for that chance because there is nothing I can do unless you reach out to me and at least let me try. Please PM me and I will give you several ways to contact me. I hope that you don't feel scared or threatened in any way. I will take all criticisms or comments constructively and try to become a better person from it.

I have and still have been making many mistakes when it comes to trying to make things right. Please have patience and understanding and know at my core, I am not a bad person. Please remember the person part most of all. I can be hurt, I can be made to feel sad, I can feel self conscious. I am working on all of these but please don't forget that when you think about the person behind the computer writing this.

Sorry again to all I have hurt with these postings.

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