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“I’m not a concept. Too many guys think I’m a concept or I complete them or I’m going to make them alive, but I’m just a ****ed up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don’t assign me yours.”
-Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
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do it dégoûtant

Posted 11-04-2011 at 02:41 PM by Degoutant
I just decided blogging on this plattform. I know there are many other and more suitable blogging plattforms out there but I chose this one -- feel honored : ) --.
Anyway, since I've never been really active in this forum, I should start introducing myself first, but uh, it's 10:31 PM and I can't think properly, I'm tired and I'll introduce myself another time, for now my thoughts of today, which I want to get down.
Actually, it's pretty difficult for me to put my feelings in words, not only because of my heavily limited english.. hey, that's actually the cause.. however, it's not about love neither about hate. More likely about the things I spent my time on... am I too boring or too stuffy? Just because I don't go to parties or go out often enough? Actually, I'm not feeling like a nerd or couch potato.
Can somebody tell me, if I'll have a successful life after school? So that way I won't waste my time limiting my spare time for school. Okay -- I'm not that hard working, I usually spend like 30 minutes studying for exams, nevertheless, because of that I kinda feel like a machine, which eats, studies and sleeps. I don't really feel comfortable with that. I often lay in my bed thinking:

>"Should I change myself to leave a better impression?"
>"Why can't I have thick hair?"
>"How should a girl behave to make a boy fall in love with her?"
>"Are there real korean dramas?"
>"Does god exist? Is there really karma and rebirth?"
>"Since I never really finished watching Matrix: where is the ship?"
>"Why do unsuccessful men think they'd have better chances flirting with asians?"
>"What are real friends? I have the feeling that I found them for a long time already.."
>"Should I really rely on my feelings? I have a feeling that it's not good."
>"Would I enjoy being in presence of a celebrity or would I be ashamed, 'cos I can't meet their high standards?"
>"Does only the sneaky, liars and cheater win in life, who make somebody's gullibility to their own advantage, ?"
>"What's everyone else thinking about me?
>"What's making me special? Am I something different amongst others?"

Anyone who can answers, gets everything.

However that's it with my terrifying grammar.

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  1. kmelfina's Avatar
    • change what, appearance? Personality? Interests?
    • I don't really know the definition of thick, as a guy I want thin hair to work with.
    • Too circumstantial, depends on what he's into and the situation (meeting place, if both of you talk or if one of you goes up to the other)
    • Korean Dramas on TV which depict true stories?
    • I let go on that question x_x;
    • Thought it was destroyed by the 3rd movie.
    • The little stereotype that asian women are easier to get with and go with whatever the man says >_>;
    • Those who are there in your time of need, and mostly at times just to be there.
    • Feelings as in instincts? Just don't place yourself to be in a vulnerable position.
    • Celebrities are human, and only get press due to pesky media for the little things (acting, some sex tape, dancing with the stars etc).
    • with the housing bubble in the U.S. leaving many people in forclosure believing they could afford expensive homes because of sneaky Realtors selling.
    • Well unfortunately no one's a mind reader T_T
    • Any special qualities which others appreciate? I only get noticed for the crappy origami, ambition to help out and my severe tolerance of others.
    Posted 11-08-2011 at 04:05 PM by kmelfina kmelfina is offline
  2. Degoutant's Avatar
    I meant my whole person including appearance and personality. I should know who I want to be, but it seems so difficult for me to do so. I feel like, I'm nothing (special). No, I don't have any special qualities (origami doesn't count XD). Not asian enough to be a math genius, not talented enough to have actually any talents haha.. It makes me feel so... like everyone else and I don't want to be like everyone else. Sorry for my dicition (see, I don't even have talents for languages), I meant with thick hair = full hair on the head lol I want to be girly yet I don't want to be that girly. Argh, that's my problem, I don't know what I want and when I want something it seems so far away to get it right.
    Stereotype??!?! ?!?! WUT?! In which century are we living in... I become mean when I see those people, even though they didn't do anything harmful.. it makes me feel bad lol
    Posted 11-09-2011 at 10:28 AM by Degoutant Degoutant is offline
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