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MY ATTEMPT AT CREATIVE WRITING LOLe.

Posted 10-21-2008 at 02:15 PM by Ascherit
Updated 03-05-2011 at 03:54 PM by Ascherit
http://www.mymmogames.net/forum/lite...allenge-2.html

Prompt: 5 - Lovers
Title: The Promise
Link:
Fandom: Granado Espada/Sword of the New World
Genre: Romance/Tragedy
Rating: PG
Summary: "We'll be together forever. I promise."
Authorís Note: Wow, after writing this I just realized that I fail at creative writing.

The Promise

1834 C.E.

The cliffs of the Nimraldi Bridge could not have been more beautiful. Evening peaked as the sun slowly sunk into the depths of the turquoise ocean. The young pirate lay on the soft grass, enjoying the light ocean breeze playing with the tresses of her messy brown hair.

"We used to play here when we were young, remember?" She fondly remarked to her comrade as he turned to face her.

"Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?" The young marine soldier stood up, gazing deep into the horizon with his cerulean eyes.

"We're not getting any younger, Addy; I really think we should settle down," He casted a furtive glance toward the woman, "And you know, maybe even start a family."

Adelina Esperanza gaped in surprised, her words coming out in a large fluster, "A F-FAMILY? Are you out of your mind, Jonathan?!" She immediately stood up and looked at her partner in the eye, attempting to hide the blush creeping on her pale cheeks.

Jonathan nervously chuckled. He knew something like this would happen. Despite having a calm, commanding mien above her, Adelina was easily prone to revert back to a stubborn young woman. "I love you, Adelina Esperanza. I always will. Don't you think that it's logical that we should be together, and pass blood into our future generations? Piracy doesn't really suit a beautiful lady like you, and the marines can always look for someone else to replace me." Jonathan softly took hold of her hand and bent down on one knee.

"Will you, Adelina Esperanza, marry me, Jonathan Gallows?"

1835 C.E.

"Congratulations, Missus Gallows, she's a healthy baby girl."

"She's beautiful."

Adelina gently brought the newborn into her arms, smiling as the baby responded with a look of playful curiousity. The father joined the merriment and poked his fingers into the baby's tiny hands. "Indeed she is. She's fiesty, too, just like her stubborn mother." He chuckled as his wife turned to glare at him with mock indignantion.

Jonathan took hold of the baby and slowly rocked her in his arms, "What shall we name her?"

"We'll name her after my mother." Adelina gently carressed her daughter's soft cheeks and smiled,

"Clairice."

1845 C.E. - Invasion of Vespanola

"Jonathan, no!" She cried as her husband began to step outside dressed in his old marine uniform.

The latter's hard, melancholic stare pierced her heart as he turned to say his final farewell.

"I'm sorry, Addy. Our country needs me. I cannot turn away from it when a war is approaching. I'm doing this for the safety of the country and of our family." The ex-marine soldier marched into the carriage that awaited him and waved goodbye to his family.

"Please wait for me, Adelina."

Just as he left, a young child poked her head through the window. She rushed to the front door and stood next to her mother. The child gripped at her mother's dress as she watched the carriage drive away, "Mother, will father be back?"

Adelina tried to smile reassuringly to her daughter amidst the tears coursing down her face.

"Yes, Claire. He will."

1854 C.E.

The cliffs of the Nimraldi Bridge could not have been more depressing. Dawn made it's way above the horizon as the moon slowly faded from view. The old ex-pirate sat cross-legged on the dew-stained grass, silent tears moving down her cheeks. Her pirate uniform was stained from the soggy dirt, but she did not care.

"You proposed to me here, remember?" Adelina Esperanza fondly remarked. "It's our 20th anniversary, you know."

She smiled a heartbroken smile, "It's not like you to forget..."

Her head leaned against the tombstone and the tears began to drip onto the base of the cement cross.

"Jonathan..."

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Posted in Creative Writing
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Total Comments 4

Comments

  1. Hector's Avatar
    Too many dialogues? :/

    It's just an opinion. xD

    EDIT: Then again, I don't read fanfics very often. :/
    permalink
    Posted 10-24-2008 at 09:51 AM by Hector Hector is offline
    Updated 10-24-2008 at 09:55 AM by Hector
  2. Mitchi's Avatar
    I liked the format you used.

    Nice varying use of adjectives, and a story that didn't crawl through at a snails pace.

    Unfortunately, it felt more like a list of synopses rather than an actual full story.
    permalink
    Posted 10-26-2008 at 08:47 PM by Mitchi Mitchi is offline
  3. Ascherit's Avatar
    Yeah, I fail at story writing. ;_;

    This is basically the product of my mind wandering off with a whole bunch of ideas behind its tail.
    permalink
    Posted 10-27-2008 at 03:26 PM by Ascherit Ascherit is offline
  4. Mitchi's Avatar
    You don't fail ;_;
    permalink
    Posted 10-27-2008 at 06:26 PM by Mitchi Mitchi is offline
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