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Delta Force

Posted 08-04-2010 at 04:38 AM by Adun
Prompt: Test
Title: Delta Force
Fandom: Original
Genre: Crap
Rating: God Tier
Summary: In A.D. 2101 war was beginning
Authorís Note: Today I feel like writing like a 13 year old with a rabid imagination that has no limits and very little logic. Don't forget lots of rainbow-colored, vomit inducing text.

The big bad monster stood before a young girl wielding an enormous sword for some reason. Think of a loli carrying a totem pole. The monster roared loudly as it was spouting fire out of its mouth in the girl's general direction. She leaped out of danger behind a conveniently placed giant boulder for cover. As a matter of fact, this fire-breathing foe was indeed a dragon.

"Foolish human," he lol'd. "You won't trick the mightest, most intelligent, sexiest dragon of all time!"

He wasn't going to have it. "I, Garland, will knock you all down!" He raised a claw over the boulder and struck down fiercely. The rock was utterly crushed, as if it were an OREO cookie.

"Eeek!" cried the girl as she dove out of danger's way once more. "You won't get me with simple tactics like those."

"Who is this foolish human who foolishly stands before me foolishly planning to foolishly take me down like a foolish fool?"

"I. Am. Sparta!" she declared. "No, actually, my name is Marisa Kirisame Delta." She stabbed the ground with her sword during this sequence with a bright, shiny background behind her.

Garland shattered the shiny, golden background and was about to deliver the finishing blow. But then he paused, and he spoke with a woman's voice. "Honeeeeey! Breakfast is ready!"

Delta squinted at the dragon. "Mother? Is that you? What are you doing in there? How?"

Garland then squealed, "WAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUUP!" smacking Delta hard across the face. She blacked out of the dream world, and awoke in reality. "It's time for breakfast and school is starting soon and you have a test today and and and and and and---"

"SHUT UP, MOM" Delta roared like the dragon.

"Meep. Guess what? I made TOOOOOOOAST." She threw the plate like a frisbee at Delta. The bread smiled back at her.

"Breakfast in bed too. Thanks," Delta said with a moe smile. She wiped her eyes. "Great. Everything is as delusional as ever. And now my breakfast is happy to see me."

She took a bite out of the TOOOOOAST, despite the fact that it started screaming she continued.

"I, TOOOOOOOAST, WILL KNOCK YOU ALL DOW---" Delta bit off the mouth.

"You shut up too."

7:32 AM, June 16. In A.D. 2101 war was beginning. Delta grabbed her bags and put her shoes on. "Later, Mom."

Delta's Mom just looked blankly. "What happen? Oh, bye, dear. Break a leg!"

"NO, DON'T SAY THA---" Delta tripped and broke her leg. "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUU" YOU ARE NOW INFLICTED WITH CRITICAL CONDITION: BROKEN LEFT LEG.

"That's okay, dear. I'll patch that up for you right away!" Her Mom cast Mend and lost 12 MP.

"Thank you again, Mom." Delta rolled her eyes.

And without further ado, like... finally, Delta finally left that house. These kind of spectacular mornings were commonplace for Delta.

At last, she embarked on her epic journey to class. There was a hobo sitting at her front gate. He was donning a dark leather trench coat. Upon Delta's approach, he walked in front of her, obstructing her path, flipped open the left flap of his unbuttoned coat, declaring "What are ya buyin'?"

Cornered by Hobo!
Hobo's attack!
1 damage to Delta!
Delta fired a Moe Beam!
999999999999999999999999 damage to Hobo!
Hobo was blown away!
Delta is victorious!


"This is lame. I'm going to be late for class at this rate," Delta whipped out her console and entered "sv_cheats 1; noclip"

Delta arrived at school on time. She made sure to pull out the console again and type "noclip; sv_cheats 0" before entering. It was test day. She couldn't be caught cheating.

She encountered her friend Gamma on the way to her homeroom. "OHIOOOOO, Delta-chan!" shouted Gamma.

"Ohio? She couldn't mean... The state of Ohio? Why isn't she making sense? Are they in danger? I must inform the President right away!"

"Delta-chan, what about your test? Uguu..." Gamma started to tear up.

"To hell with the test! The freedoms of every American citizen is at stake, and I'll gladly sacrifice my education to preserve that!"

"Delta-chan, I think... um... that you... are... mis.... under... standing...." Gamma was speaking really slowly with long pauses between every word for some reason.

But it was too slow and too late, Delta had already taken off to meet with the President. However! Suddenly the Principal locked the doors with the push of a button.

"Ku ku ku. Homeroom is starting... RIGHT NOW! Go to your class immediately! YOU! SHALL NOT! PASS!"

Obstructed by Principal!
Preemptive strike!
Delta's attack!
0 damage to Principal!
Principal wrote a Detention Slip!
18967385960 lethal damage to Delta!
Delta was blown away!


Delta cried as she was physically dragged to the classroom and thrown into her seat. The Principal would make a fine pitcher someday. It was his very dream after all. 5 years ago Yesterday he met a beautiful but selfish woman who was busty flat-chested as an ironing board named Diana Alexandre Popkins the XXXVIII but she didn't love him whatsoever because he didn't have enough any money yet he was so stricken by her that through blind determination he changed his dream from being a humble ice cream truck driver to a baseball hot shot superstar status to earn lots of money for an enormous diamond ring that would cost like $300 $10 million or something. *whew*

5 hours later, Delta finished her test at last. She turned it in at the teacher's desk. "It may be too late but it's not too late to save Ohio!"

"Stop right there, young lady!" The busty woman standing before her was no other than Diana Alexandre Popkins the XXXVIII herself. "You aren't going anywhere. Your answers are all scribbles! You must answer coherently! I won't let you go if you are going to treat this test like some kind of sick joke!"

Cornered by Diana Alexandre Popkins the XXXVIII!
Diana Alexandre Popkins the XXXVIII giggles at Delta provocatively!
Diana Alexandre Popkins the XXXVIII used Disciplinary Paradigm: Strawberry on Delta!
<censored> damage to Delta!
Delta was blown away!
Delta suffers defeat...


"Return to your seat!" Diana Alexandre Popkins the XXXVIII giggled. Delta did so, and quickly fell into a deep sleep after that satisfying battle sequence.

"Mmm... How nice... Yet... I'M SUING..." Delta muttered to herself.

Delta awoke in the dragon's den. It was Garland again. "Garland! You're alive!"

"Too bad YOU... will die!"

Stage 01 Clear!!!
Please challenge next stage.

Government Agent Code Name Delta Operation Delta Force signing out, over.

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Comments

  1. Adun's Avatar
    Cool people are reading this.
    permalink
    Posted 08-05-2010 at 01:50 PM by Adun Adun is offline
  2. iFarted's Avatar
    But how did Delta cleared the stage when she was defeated twice by the principal and Diana Alexandra Popkins the XXXVIII and is confronted by Garland?
    permalink
    Posted 08-07-2010 at 01:07 AM by iFarted iFarted is offline
  3. Adun's Avatar
    Video game logics.
    permalink
    Posted 08-07-2010 at 05:28 PM by Adun Adun is offline
  4. Mitchi's Avatar
    oh god the colors my eyes
    permalink
    Posted 08-11-2010 at 01:09 AM by Mitchi Mitchi is offline
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