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08-07-2009   #63 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Aleister D. D. Gilgrim
I am still getting the occasional email from players for Trickster and Grand Chase. I often said that I couldn't exactly go into detail about what my responsibilites for the company actually were while I was with them, and frankly, I don't think that the way the company has ultimately shaped up is anything particularly worth wasting breath (or typing) on. I haven't been with them since Aug 2008. It's probably best put that the original vision for the company and what it could become and do (held by myself as well as my original professional partner, Sean, and in theory, the other founders) simply did not come to pass. Sean left earlier on, I think he saw the writing on the wall and had much better foresight than I did. I had some great experiences there, and have a lot of respect for a host of the people that I met through the company, some of whom are likely still working there... while others, meh, not so much. But, respect is earned, that's what makes it valuable.

I think that I kept it pretty simple, straight-forward and professional when I wrote up the last commentary for Megalo Life, when it was cancelled out of nowhere (still never got a reason for that... so I'm sorry if you're wondering too, I don't have the answer). But I also know that I wasn't able to say everything I wanted to at the time. Frankly, now, more time has passed and I'm really not as interested in voicing my angered opinions about what actually happened, anymore than I'm wanting to go too much into what we did for the company, what our vision was and how somewhere along the way, the direction was completely lost and misguided.

Although, in response to some of the emails that I seem to still be getting (please, really, I don't use Myspace... honest - but you can always reach me through my email [gilgrimATgmailDOTcom], NR, LJ and I guess now Twitter and Facebook) I would like to make the following statement to help clarify things:

"Yes, I worked for NtreevUSA, yes I did a lot more for them besides make webcomics, tutorials and other visual stuff. No, I'm not going to go into everything that I used to do, but since we started as a very small operation, I think it's fair to let it be known that those of use who first came on board, really had to do a bit of everything, and a lot of most things needed to make an online publisher work, grow and improve in not only its products but its services.

Yes, when we started it was a very different place, with different faces, different goals and a different atmosphere. And yes, somewhere along the way, that all seemed to rapidly change, until it had morphed into something that was completely irrecognizable. I was not the first to leave the company, I'm sure that (as with most companies in the big wide world) I will not be the last (and I know that I wasn't).

No, I don't really know who's responsible for many of the changes that seem to have altered the company's direction for the worse, and frankly, I'm not sure if anyone would be able to wade through the immense amount of bullshit it would take to sift out an answer. Believe me, I tried, and so did others at the time we first saw the horrible mutation happening.

No, I don't maintain any connection to the company professionally, or its products, and would like my only sustained connection to the place to be the obvious contributions that I made (mainly the visual stuff). And no, I'm really not interested in sullying my soul with further professional contact with the company, not that the offer is going to come by anytime soon.

So, with the above, it is highly improbable that I will in any way be returning to producing online, visual, or other content for the company NtreevUSA, its products/games or services in the near future, or really ever. At this point, I don't think the company could afford my rates anyway. But yes, it does sadden me to no longer have that special type of interaction with the very generous, loving and supportive community of players that were involved with TOR and GC. I do miss you all, and I am very glad for the brief opportunity that I had to share that unique experience with you. Thank you very much, TOR and GC communities for the kind words, and emails that I still receive even now, a full year after the final Megalo Life, and some time after I had noticeably left the company and its interests.

Lastly, no, I don't play their games anymore, no I haven't for quite some time. No I really don't have any loyalty to what the company has become, or have a great deal of professional faith in the leadership that allowed the illconceived redirecting of its ultimate course to occur. I actually was able to fulfill my original promise to one of the founders when I came on board, and to achieve everything that I had agreed to do before the split. Ultimately, I am still saddened that we just weren't able to reach the goals that we could have. Opportunity is a rare thing, and I think it is the squandering of that precious, and rare thing that really stabs at me. In the end, I think it will be that squandered, special and now lost thing that I will not ever be able to really let go of.

So, am I saddened by the company, and my departing from it? Yes, in a way. I am saddened by the end of the interaction with the players and certain employees, but mostly I am saddened by what could have been, was possible, but now, cannot be realized. I know that in the beginning, we had a lot of lofty ideas, ideals, and goals for our journey in this new field... somewhere along the way, that seemed to be forgotten. And so that chapter finally ends. NtreevUSA you chose your path, you chose what was most valuable to you. I would wish you luck, but I reserve those sentiments for those who deserve them."

I know that I've posted off and on about Ntreev quite a bit during 2008 (and even before). It was a very crucial and important part of my life. I think that I lost sight myself, of what was really important, and I certainly have some blame to share for allowing the company, and its gummed-up inner workings, to disuade me from focusing on what's right, what's important and what I really do care about. That, is my fault.

But now, we have a new year ahead of us, new adventures and I think it's time to wrap this small chapter of my professional life in its little box and catalogue with the rest of the experiences, opportunities and other weird/unique shite I've been weirdly fortunate-enough to be involved in or with. As 2008 has now come to a close, I think it's a good time to put away the last damaging thing that went with it.

Goodbye 2008
Goodbye Greed & Disillusionment

Goodbye NtreevUSA, GC, TOR, Megalo Life and everything else related to it. Goodbye to ranting about you, or letting you anger me so.

Maybe some day, you'll come to a new direction, if not, I really don't think you'll be around long enough for anyone to really worry or care about.

Goodbye 2008 - Hello new challenges, new beginnings, and a new year ^__^

I love you all,

For the record Mike, I do not hate NTreev. They irritate me to no end, but I do not hate them.