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05-23-2009   #1 (permalink)
VorpalBunny
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Default 1-8 Item Express Lanes

Are not fast. They should be, but there's always a few idiots who slow down the queue to a crawl. In a perfect world, the system would work. In today's world, it never does. There's always some slowpoke who takes a minute raking through coins to pay exact change, walks in with a cart full of items and then claims to not have seen the sign, or forgets their ATM number or even knows how to use the machine. All these people inevitably cause the express lane to become the longest line in any store. A step in the right direction are self-checkout lanes, because the dumb people get confused after the first time, or feel too intimidated to even use them. However, you still get people who take forever to check out their own items and clog the queue doing price checks.

What this world needs are No Bullshit lanes. People who go over the item limit are screened and excluded, price checks are forbidden, and the value of all your purchases show up on a giant screen so you can't even try to dispute them or a double swipe. A countdown timer of 20 seconds starts right after your last item is registered, and if you fail to pay up by then, you and your items fall through a trap door which leads to the end of the Express lane, followed by a two week ban from all No Bullshit lanes. They should have 3 ATM terminals along the conveyor belt, so you can ring in your number while close to the front of the line, and then just click OK when your items are checked in. This innovation would revolutionize consumer business, and make the Soup Nazi proud. Does this sound too Draconic to you? Well, too bad. The No BS line is for elite and hardcore shoppers only. Nubs that take longer than 20 seconds to make a purchase can use the Express lane 8D

Last edited by VorpalBunny; 05-23-2009 at 08:43 AM.