So I just got off the phone with one of my life's soulmate. Although, I do feel bad saying this here, but yah know; it's a journal for a reason so :]
This guy friend of mine.. has been with me for a pretty long time, but just as very very good friends. As any other good boy/girl friend relationship, I never went that extra step, because I was afraid of the things that might damage what we already have. Even when we were just friends, we act if we were a couple. But during the same time, I was trying really hard to be in a stable relationship with my bf. I would say I was stupid to ignore him to get hurt and cry over my bf. But I knew that we can't be together, because well... I'm very insecure about myself. He's pretty popular, lolsdrama, and like it's hard to think myself being in a stable relationship with him without being really jealous.
Anywho to cut to the chase, I know I love him, but I know I can't claim him as my own, nor can I give us a title as bf/gf. Reason one: I'm already in a relationship. Reason two: I've been through a lot of pain getting my current relationship to what it is now, and it hurts a lot thinking of letting it go. Reason three: I'm still insecure about myself if I were to be with him.
All I know is... when I'm with him or even when I talk to him, I feel as if I'm the most important; something I do not feel now with my current relationship, sometimes. When we talk, it seems to be endless, I mean we just have so much to say to each other. Usually what we say to each other sprouts into other things we think about and so on. And he's one of those people where... we take forever just to say goodbye to. It's like, "Okie I think we should hang up now, we'll talk to each other again." But for some reason you don't hang up, and they don't hang up and you find yourself talking for another hour. I just feel right when I'm with him, even when it's just talking over the phone... Sigh.
Now, back to reality (school life). I only have one class tomorrow, but it's a morning class </3 And since I skipped the class on Tuesday, I wasn't in class for when they went over the study sheet. I mean the exam is on Excel, and I can do fine in Excel myself. The only thing that bothers me, is when the exam gets to technical in terms and blah blah. So rawrs. ;-; And my book is down in my car, and I don't want to go downstairs to get it, because it's cold and I'm in a ghetto neighborhood. ]: I guess I'll just wing the exam tomorrow. XD