I know exactly what you mean. The level of apathy can be quite overwhelming in it's own sense. I see where you're coming from in the second paragraph. I've noticed that finding interests in other people or doing good things for friends is always nice. You feel as if you're more useful by doing so, I think.
Originally Posted by Vith
Believe me when I say that I know what you are going through. I haven't used any drugs myself, but due to my anxieties and mental disabilities, I often feel alone in the world and feel that time is constantly against me (for the people that know me personally, know I am quite obsessed with time). Life isn't exactly pointless, it is just that life becomes pointless to each individual after death; though your actions may still have an effect on the people still alive, the time you spent on the earth while living won't matter to you.
If you really don't care for yourself that much, and can't bring yourself to care, care more about the people you care about instead. Rather than doing things for yourself, do things that benefit other people more. There will always be somebody that cares for you in at least some way, especially if you have real close personal friends. Even if it is a stranger, just saying 'hi' or hearing somebody out that has had a tough day can make it better for them.
I also feel like time is constantly against me. Almost like I'm constantly experiencing bad karma, in other words. Sometimes I feel like I don't exist in time. As in the very happening and continuation of things. Like I'm asleep in this imaginary world. I can't really describe it. But that's all about your perspective and how you see things. I've learned that any one concept can go through great change when you simply alter your perspective on it.
It's good that drugs haven't become a part of your life. It's its own world, really. They can also have a great negative impact on one who has a mental illness. Honestly I believe they can even do someone good, as I have had many good and spiritually enlightening experiences with drugs. But that's an irrelevant topic lol.
Swallow your pride, because silence is golden, and I wouldn't pay a penny to hear your thoughts.