Originally Posted by mikecxz
ask how it's even still alive. it surely seemed dead and rotting when you received it.
"GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES, YOU PERVERT!" The goblin yells in a frenzy of anger.
"WHY WOULD YOU STEAL MY CLOTHES!? YOU'RE TO FAT FOR THEM ANYWAY!"
"I think there's been a misunderstanding."
"I didn't steal your clothes."
"THEN WHY THE **** WERE YOU SHAKING ME AROUND LIKE A NEWBORN!?"
"...Shaking newborns? Uhh, I have a perfectly good reason for that."
"FOR STEALING MY CLOTHES OR SHAKING NEWBORNS!?"
"I did not steal your clothes, and I can assure you that I have never shook a newborn."
"BUT YOU WERE SHAKING ME!"
"Yes, I was."
"THEN YOU'RE ADMITTING THAT YOU STOLE MY ****ING CLOTHES!"
"No, I am not."
"THEN WHY WERE YOU SHAKING ME!?"
"Shaking people and stealing their clothes are actions with no correlation at all. I will admit that I was shaking you - it would be moronic for me to deny it at this point - but I've never stolen clothes, nor do I have any reason to steal your clothes. When I found you, you were in fact already without clothes."
"W-when you found me? What are you talking about? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?"
"I didn't do anything to you."
"YOU SHOOK ME!"
"Yes, I shook you."
"WHY WERE YOU SHAKING ME."
"Can I explain?"
"NO, YOU CAN'T EXPLAI... actually... go ahead and explain."
"You were dead. You were partially cooked as a gift to me from some Nekomata. I haven't yet met these Nekomata, so I was planning on regifting you to them to draw them out. However, there was a proble-"
"WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM!?"
"I was about to explain that. Could you not interrup-"
"I HAVE NO TIME FOR LONG WINDED EXPLANATIONS, JACKASS! GET TO THE POINT!"
"You were dead, but you showed signs of life. I was going to smash your head in order to make sure you certainly and absolutely dead for good, bu-"
"HOLY SHIT, YOU TALK FOREVER, GET TO THE GODDAMN POINT!"
"I was going to kill you, you brainless goblin. If you haven't realized yet, you're undead. You're a literal abomination. If it wasn't for my natural generosity - and somewhat hyperactive imagination - your brain matter (or lack thereof) would be splattered over one of the many jagged rocks that inhabit this wide heavily forested ravine."
"OH MY GODS, DID YOU UNDEAD ME!? WHY WOULD YOU UNDEAD ME!?"
"I did not undead you."
"THEN WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UNDEADING ME."
"I haven't the slightest clue." This is a lie. It is very clear to you that the Nekomata who killed the stupid goblin are most likely the culprits behind his undeading too. You do not know what they would gain from undeading some goblin and giving it to you, and you really do not want to discuss the possible reason with this rather dense goblin.
"THIS IS ****ING TERRIBLE! I DON'T WANT TO BE UNDEAD! NOBODY WILL LOVE ME IF I'M UNDEAD! WHY GODS, WHY? AU-AU-AUUUUUUUUUUGH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Goddammit, now the stupid thing is crying and it is as annoying as it is pitiful. You would comfort it if you did not also have a strong urge to kill it. You still have some questions for it though, like why it knows fluent grammatically correct Elvish.
Examine, Talk, Attack, Pick Up, Drop
: Elven Bow & Arrow, Delicious Pinkish-Green Fruit x4