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05-29-2012   #1 (permalink)
Azumarill
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IGN: Nerdy
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Default Is it ok to open up for friends anymore?

I have always been unwilling to take help from others. I don't know why, but if I asked someone to listen to my problems. I would always feel that I own that person something. At the same time I would only tell my closest friend because I trust my friend with my feelings.

It is nothing like a secret - well not always, more like something that I really care about, such as a thought or a belief or something that bugs me.

I always feel that I've wasted their precious time. If they listen to what I have to say and then need to comfort me and maybe give me advices. Yes I feel that I really need to talk about things to another person. Sometimes to just let it out.

I used to have a very very close friend. A childhood friend that I have known since I was 9. I told her lots of things, and she was the only person I told and the first person I would chose to tell. I trusted her a lot.
But lately, I feel that she is somewhat using me to gain contact with my other friends. It isn't necessary for me to go into details. So I will not tell more about it.

I didn't make a big deal about it, simply stopped contacting her. And because I did so, she did the same. I feel sad about it. Because I felt that the one friend I chose to trust could turn to me like this. I know tho that I also have myself to blame since I stopped contacting her the first. But then, this only proves even more that she was using me to get to know other people.

With that said, I don't feel sure about trusting anymore friends. I really want to talk to someone about things. But I wasn't that close with my other friends as I was with my childhood friend. I don't know if it is ok to talk to my other friends. I'd owe them too if I did. I would feel that I was bothering them.

Actually, I feel that in the society, everyone needs to take care of themselves. Everyone are busy with their own life. It seems like no one truly cares. I don't feel confident being open to others anymore. It isn't healthy, but I don't know what to do.
I have always wished that there is someone to share my thoughts with, but I don't think people are created for such things. People are selfish it seems...
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