Society destroyed my self esteem.
I usually keep these things for myself since I hate people tapping my back and crying fake tears as if they cared. But I guess this is a nice place to express my feelings simply because it is the internet.
Well, I consider myself as a very fragile person, always did. I've always wanted people around me, always took care to not make or say anything that would keep people away from me. Whenever I made a mistake and acted stupid, I felt like trash and kept thinking about that and blaming myself for a whole week. It hurts.
Now for the real trouble.
I have a skin problem, you see. Since my 9~10 years old, my face and body are covered with pimples and acne. Since then, me and my family are wasting thousands in medications, creams and others, but it just won't go away.
That contributes even more for me to feel down, because I notice people looking at me like I'm some kind of alien.
You know, the saying that irritates me the most, and that I hear basically everyday, is the following:
"Wow, your skin looks great today!"
I don't want them to say that my skin looks better or worse that day. I just want them to talk to me like they do with their other sick-minded teenager friends.
As much as I hate my society's standards (it's because of it that I'm suffering like this), I want to fit in because I wanna feel like everyone else does.
It's just horrible for a person like me to be excluded from everything because of a skin problem. I know that I could've been accepted even with my problems, but people clearly treat me differently.
And the final results of this whole: I've lost confidence on myself.
I started to see myself like the others see. Like "that dude with the volcanic face" or "that bipedal hedgehog".
Now, most of the times, I exclude myself from the groups because I feel uncomfortable around the others. I just want to disappear.
Anyway, if you read the whole thing, thanks-or-sorry for wasting your time. I just wanted to share this with you all.
Have a nice day~
"Any tree can drop an apple.
I will drop the freaking moon!"
Rennard - Lion (Scientist)
Last edited by Kape; 03-05-2012 at 08:33 PM.