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10-15-2011   #7 (permalink)
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I agree with Kyn 100%. I understand the urge to want to ask for advice, especially under emotional duress (and especially when it involves a relationship with a boorish person), but I believe this could have waited until she approached you.

As it is, I've seen a lot of considerations of yourself, your other friends, your feelings, etc. but not so much for her. ("I'm not happy" "(stupid) decision" "we hated most" and so on.)

How do you think she feels? Maybe you should sit down and have a long talk with her as soon as the opportunity arises, because from the tone of your posts and your supposed conflicts (which appear to be more about your judgements on her pregnancy and the person that she had the child with rather than the mother you've been friends with for nearly a decade & her innocent newborn) it seems like you want to support her. But you really can't with that attitude. Maybe it was an accidental pregnancy she wanted to carry to term, if she'd been talking about getting pregnant after her career had taken off rather than before she chose one, etc.

Originally Posted by Lyn
She didn't tell you for 2-3 months for a reason, and hard as it may be sometimes, we need to respect our loved ones for the decisions they make and give them the space to do the right thing.
Very much this, in the end. Maybe she was in radio silence because this is the exact reaction she expected. I'm not telling you to do a 180 on your feelings in a day, but make sure you try to communicate and at least understand her, even if you personally don't agree with her viewpoints. This isn't politics, or going off and getting arrested, or doing drugs -- it's a child, and it's motherhood. I imagine she's scared.

But she doesn't have to be alone.