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09-24-2011   #52 (permalink)
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IGN: Hekutaa / Yaripon / Flins
Guild: Mirage Coordinator
Default Bonus: A Revlection by the Author

Boy, that was one heck of an odyssey. Still, I could not help but look at some of the inconsistencies I found within my novella.

So I'm going to rewrite it! But first, I need to address a couple of things.

In five separate parts, I have analyzed some of the problems that I believe inhibited the story's flow, and character development, along with how human the individual characters sounded. The five parts consist of:
  • Major characters
  • Minor characters
  • Plot threads
  • Flow and pacing
  • Heku (Yes, there one section dedicated to him. You do not know how badly I wrote him)

Major Characters
First off, I could only think of one major character. Heku. He basically sucked up the limelight in the story to the point that he himself became the absolute focus of the story. Strangely enough, I planned for the troupe Heku travelled with to become the major characters.
I wrote them horribly. They were flat. They had no conflict and if they did, they felt forced and extremely unfitting for that section. Granted, I tried to give them a hint of characterization towards the end of the story, but it was no where near the amount of characterization I needed to give so that they appeared vaguely human.
To combat this, I will stick to only two major characters: Heku and Vaughn. The two have the highest chance to generate a conflict due to their differing beliefs, and I intend to make that a major plot point.

Minor Characters
I had a pool of minor characters, which is normal and usually applauded; Heku goes from place to place trying to solve the war, and should naturally meet people willing to help them and those against them. For the most part, I did relatively well, but I made a pretty big mistake: I kill off 90% of them through the course of the story.
Granted, by the time Heku meets a majority of the minor characters, he's gone insane to the point that he'll kill anyone who disrupts a hair on his head, but I felt that their only role in the story was to die a bloody death. Even it was cool.

Plot Threads
I can easily summarize the plot: Heku tries to stop a war by bringing peace to both sides. He fails after trying relentlessly. Simple, right? Now try the subplots. Romance was supposed to be implemented, Yari and Flins were supposed to be so much more important, and so many things that I wanted to add seemed… weird to insert. So I abandoned the ideas, and sort of added to the confusion.
This brings me back to the idea of having a limited cast of major characters: with lesser characters, I have a lesser chance making an arc, but I do not abort the arc.

Flow and Pacing
Flow surprisingly went well: little filler moments, and little time spend "doing nothing." For the most part, the "boring parts" that I feared had been adequately replaced by characterization, but I felt that I could have done a little more with characterization, especially with the major characters.

Two words: Mary Sue. I attached a T.V. Tropes article to explain that, and boy did I abuse that. First off, it made Heku so boring and predicable despite his anti-heroic behavior. He also uses a sword, which is somewhat odd considering the time. If I just gave him ice powers and no weapon, it would be slightly more believable.
Heku is a little strange; A majority of the aborted arcs (see plot threads) had been centered around him, so his characterization is very fragmented. In my rewrite, I'll be focusing on Heku and Vaughn more, so a majority of their characterization will come from their skew in personality traits.
One more thing: How common is a name of "Hekutaa" in Germany, where I set my story? No one. His name was blatant stupidity on my part.

New Protagonists Approach!
I'm splitting the role of "main character" into two distinct parts: The "Hero" protagonist, and the "Supporting" protagonist. In short, a "Hero" protagonist is the protagonist we all know an love: they save the day, beat up the monster, and live happily ever after. A "Supporting" protagonist is a not a hero, per se, but the story is told through their point of view. The plot will feature the Hero and Supporting protagonists on their separate ways, but will frequently intertwine with one another. Unfortunately, I'm going to show you one side of the story, because I still have to work out several things with my other protagonist.
For our rewrite of "Between Innocence and Resolve," we have our hero protagonist.
Enter: Linus Kuester : Age: 19, Rank: Rifleman, Alliance: Lumisian. A much more appropriate main character, and a lot more relatable, I hope. Linus is a combination of Heku and Kalech, to sum him up. And for all intents and purposes, let's say that Linus has some problems with the physical manifestation of his anima that has a mind of its own.

Expect to see a rewrite sometime in November! In the meantime, I have another project to work on. I'll tell you when it becomes pertinent

Last edited by Hekutaa; 09-24-2011 at 10:00 PM.