Well, I finally got Internet back. A faster service than before, in fact. Woo~...
Something called U-Verse from AT&T. I dunno the full details on it, but we get 300+ TV channels, a faster-than-DSL-but-not-as-fast-as-Comcast Internet service, and apparently clearly phone calls via landline. >_>
Only problem is that I can't figure out how to get this new service connected to my PS3. >.< I need that Bayonetta patch LIKE NAO OMG