MMORPGs’ popularity is due, in a large part, due to the high levels of character customization available. Customizations can range from choosing your character’s sex to many highly detailed customizations. This draws players in, allowing them to become something online that they are not in the real world.
When I began playing Ragnarok Online, I was introduced to the idea of males having female characters. My original character in RO was a male; however, when I was introduced to the power of a female character I quickly rolled a new one. I soon became addicted to the attention being a female in-game drew. Since then all my characters in any MMO have been female. This started out as just a way to freeload, acting female to strangers, but disclosing my identity to people I befriended. This has escalated severely as of late.
In recent years, I have actually begun to think like a female while playing MMOs. Chatting like a girl, having in-game boyfriends if possible -- this has all become normal for me. This has gone on for so long that I am not uncomfortable with it at all. At first, I would laugh with my friends about things that would happen due to my character being a girl. It’s beginning to frighten me how much I’ve committed myself to this online persona. I want it to be known that I am in no way homosexual or anything of that nature. With my growing concern over this issue, I’ve begun to look at why I, and others like me, do this.
I have committed myself to being a girl online for so long that I can’t come clean and show my true identity. The outrage this would bring from all my gaming buddies, and the embarrassment I would suffer, would be unbearable. My in-game boyfriend would more than likely be completely disgusted. I want to come clean but I don’t see it as a viable option. This is the reason behind this article -- somehow clearing my conscience without harming the people who know me as my online persona. All of the people I’ve befriended I truly consider my friends but it pains me to know that they don’t truly know who I am. The reason I want to come clean isn’t that I want to be known as the real me; I just feel bad for deceiving the people who I consider friends.
As I said before, I began doing this because of the attention girls received in game. In recent years though, it has become commonplace for girls to be playing MMOs. There is no real advantage to doing this anymore yet I continue to do it. It has become commonplace for males to have female characters in-game but I have taken it to a new level. I know there are others out there like me and share the same feelings as I do.
This article was provided by a member of the /gg FTW! community who wished to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the subject matter.